I think my guru Maharaj pretty much cured me from the disease of wanting to see my other so called favorite musicians in concert. That is another thing Srila Prabhupada is right about. Once one surrenders fully into Krishna Conciousness one's material desires will fade away, with the help of a bona fide guru. So there's very little left of any material desires I have left in me except watching movies, but other than that Im pretty much good on everything else.
For example, I have no desire for a job and work day and night like I used to at the last job I had, I have no desire to get married and get tied down to family life, I have no desire to gamble or have sex like most people my age do, and I have no desire to eat meat fish or eggs anymore that are bad for your health and I have no desire for intoxication like drugs and alcohol, caffeine etc. Now it's just the little things I am working on like listening to karmi music and watching movies while Im out visiting family but that may take awhile longer yet.
It's only 5 more days left until the Festival of Inspiration. Its like waiting to see your favorite rock band or musician in concert but this is 1000 times better. Why spend thousands of dollars to see them when if you have a guru Maharaj you can listen to him for free and something that is transcendental? And better yet he sings the Holy Names of Krishna with ecasty. That is why it's a lot better than a regular concert that people go to. At least hearing the Holy Name can be for free with talented devotees who lead kirtan and then get one can get hooked on to the Holy Name of Krishna. So I have no need to see my other favorite musicians out there now. I have seen them once and it's good enough. With my guru Maharaj's kirtans, I certainly don't need to go to a regular concert anymore or some Beatles fest to listen to other people sing Beatles songs.
Now do not get confused with this, I still listen to George Harrison. He has brought me to Krishna so I will still always love George no matter what. George is a devotee that is what makes him different from the other musicians that I like and I will always listen to George. So those of you who think I will get tired of George...you are all wrong! I never will get tired of George. He inspires me with my spiritual life. He is still a major part of me.
So I am hoping with Krishna's Mercy the rest of my material desires will vanish in the up coming years ahead, before this life time is over.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
A Break From the Rain
Wow today was very pretty. The skies were clear with few clouds in the sky. The wind had a bit of a chill in it but still a very nice breeze. Im glad we got a break from the rain. I was getting sick of seeing rain everyday this week. I kept wondering where the sun was. Krishna was merciful and let it be sunny out today. So I spent two hours outside reading and chanting.
In the morning though I had to clean the pujari room and do the 12:30pm Deity plate transfer, and then lunch afterwards. So it was kind of a quiet day. Today is Ekadashi. I fasted until 12 noon at least. Ekadashi is meant to fast and also to read and chant more about Krishna which I did the best I could.
Around 2:45pm this afternoon I gathered up some of my books and put them into my black duffel bag, grabbed my purple sweater hoodie, and croc shoes and headed outside to the pond where there are two small pavilions that have a bench to sit on over looking the pond. I sat and read for the first hour. I read from the Krishna Book and then Nectar of Devotion. Around 3:45pm I started chanting my rounds. I managed to chant 26 rounds total. I may do some more this evening while I wait for the 8:30 darshan.
As I was chanting by the pond, the wind moved the water into big and little ripples and the sun's light reflected on it as the water moved which made it as pretty as a picture. But then my mind drifted to Krishna's pasttimes. I stared out into the middle of the lake. As the water was starting to turn up more as the wind blew, I tried to see Krishna dancing on Kaliya the Serpent's head feriously. How I wish I could see that physically but one has to meditate on it in order to see that pasttime. Then farther toward on the other side of the pond was a tree right on the edge by the pond with it's low branches almost touching the ground. So I thought of another pasttime of Krishna when He was stealing the gopis clothes. I tried to 'see' Krishna sitting on that branch coaxing the gopis to come out of the water. And then there is another past time I read about when Krishna and Arjuna were drinking water along the Yamuna Bank and saw a young girl walking alone. She wanted Krishna for her husband. And just now now another nice pasttime came to me of when Balaram was about to punish the River Yamuna for disobeying His order and She came in human form and begged Him forgiveness for Her offense for not obeying Him.
As I was sitting outside the air helped to clear my head some. And then a few realizations set in too. This afternoon before lunch time I was reading the pasttimes about Lord Krishna's close personal friend and eternal servitor Uddhava. He went to go visit the Gopis in Vrndavan while Krishna was away in Mathura. The Gopis felt severe separation from Krishna so Krishna had sent Uddhava to them to pacify them. I read something that caught my eye and made me realize something. I wonder if this is what Krishna is trying to teach me. I read in that very chapter,that the Gopis have tried their best to be happy when they were in disappointment when they found that Krishna did not return to them. So I am wondering if I am put into this same position of when I could not return to Krishna in Toronto, but I had to return to Him here in New Vrndavan. I should read that chapter over again and see how the Gopis had worked it out in being happy while being disappointed. I also read the chapter about how Krishna pleases His devotees according to their surrender to Him. Another thought popped into my head. I am not sure how Krishna wants me to surrender to Him more. But hopefully He'll reveal that to me in the future.
In the morning though I had to clean the pujari room and do the 12:30pm Deity plate transfer, and then lunch afterwards. So it was kind of a quiet day. Today is Ekadashi. I fasted until 12 noon at least. Ekadashi is meant to fast and also to read and chant more about Krishna which I did the best I could.
Around 2:45pm this afternoon I gathered up some of my books and put them into my black duffel bag, grabbed my purple sweater hoodie, and croc shoes and headed outside to the pond where there are two small pavilions that have a bench to sit on over looking the pond. I sat and read for the first hour. I read from the Krishna Book and then Nectar of Devotion. Around 3:45pm I started chanting my rounds. I managed to chant 26 rounds total. I may do some more this evening while I wait for the 8:30 darshan.
As I was chanting by the pond, the wind moved the water into big and little ripples and the sun's light reflected on it as the water moved which made it as pretty as a picture. But then my mind drifted to Krishna's pasttimes. I stared out into the middle of the lake. As the water was starting to turn up more as the wind blew, I tried to see Krishna dancing on Kaliya the Serpent's head feriously. How I wish I could see that physically but one has to meditate on it in order to see that pasttime. Then farther toward on the other side of the pond was a tree right on the edge by the pond with it's low branches almost touching the ground. So I thought of another pasttime of Krishna when He was stealing the gopis clothes. I tried to 'see' Krishna sitting on that branch coaxing the gopis to come out of the water. And then there is another past time I read about when Krishna and Arjuna were drinking water along the Yamuna Bank and saw a young girl walking alone. She wanted Krishna for her husband. And just now now another nice pasttime came to me of when Balaram was about to punish the River Yamuna for disobeying His order and She came in human form and begged Him forgiveness for Her offense for not obeying Him.
As I was sitting outside the air helped to clear my head some. And then a few realizations set in too. This afternoon before lunch time I was reading the pasttimes about Lord Krishna's close personal friend and eternal servitor Uddhava. He went to go visit the Gopis in Vrndavan while Krishna was away in Mathura. The Gopis felt severe separation from Krishna so Krishna had sent Uddhava to them to pacify them. I read something that caught my eye and made me realize something. I wonder if this is what Krishna is trying to teach me. I read in that very chapter,that the Gopis have tried their best to be happy when they were in disappointment when they found that Krishna did not return to them. So I am wondering if I am put into this same position of when I could not return to Krishna in Toronto, but I had to return to Him here in New Vrndavan. I should read that chapter over again and see how the Gopis had worked it out in being happy while being disappointed. I also read the chapter about how Krishna pleases His devotees according to their surrender to Him. Another thought popped into my head. I am not sure how Krishna wants me to surrender to Him more. But hopefully He'll reveal that to me in the future.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Early Morning Japa Walk
Well I finally managed to squeeze in an early morning japa walk. I went out at 6:15am and walked around the pond for about 45 minutes. The sun was just coming up and over through the trees. It was a warm morning too not chilly. It wasn't too cold and not too hot. There was a light morning breeze in the air too. As I walked up the path I saw a swan swimming in the pond, and heard the peacocks crowing. All the peacocks seemed like they were greeting each other in the early morning which I thought was kind of cute. I saw two other devotees out walking on the path too. As I headed up by the cabins I saw three deers on the left hand side grazing through the trees. They stopped to look at me. One of them seemed a bit afraid of me but the other two just stood there looking at me with curiosity. The morning got a bit prettier as the sun was coming up. It was nice and quiet outside for chanting. I can see why Maharaj prefers to go out early in the morning becuase it's quiet and not noisy. And on my last time walking around the pond by the cabins, I saw all the peacocks walking together in a group. Most of them were females because they had a lot of white and gray on them. The males are the blue and green ones. They were still cute though. They didn't run from me they just walked a little fast to move away. They weren't that afraid. They are used to people since people come everyday especially during the summertime. I had to stop after 45 minutes as my back was really starting to hurt me and I didn't want to put too much strain on my back. But I have to try and warm up for japa walks when Maharaj gets here. I wanted to walk up to the Palace of Gold today but it rained again this afternoon so I was unable to go. It's done nothing but rain ever since I came back to New Vrndavan but then again April is the rainest season I guess. As the old saying goes "April Showers Bring May Flowers."
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Youth Bhajan
Tonight there was a youth bhajan. I hadn't gone to it since I came back from California. Tonight was my first time attending the bhajan. It was really more of a mixed group at the bhajans but there were some much younger devotees than me leading kirtans most of them looked a few years older than me though.
But it was nice to sit in and listen to the different melodies of the Holy Name. The melodies were quite mellow as it was happening in the evening around 7:30 till 9pm. They got pretty ecstatic towards the end. It felt nice to be with younger people and a few who seemed liked they were around my age kind of anyways.
I was also sitting there thinking "Maharaj would have told me to attend this." So in a way it was like mana seva for Maharaj following his instructions. So next Tuesday I will attend the bhajan. The youth bhajan is a new thing they started for Tuesday nights. They never had this before even before winter started. So there had been changes made while I was away. It's just happening very very slowly.
The kirtan lasted for an hour and a half. I tried to sit on the rugs against a pillar to support my back as I cannot sit on the floor for too long. Amazingly I wasn't in that much pain but towards the end I was starting to feel it. But I had a nice time chanting Krishna's Names. It was relaxing in a way to relieve the tension I've been feeling lately at the temple. Mandakini was with me too at the bhajan and Bhaktin Shannon was too for about a half hour. I am not sure if I'll ever lead a kirtan as I am not so good with melodies nor is my singing voice that great. I can only lead Lord Nrsimahadeva prayers pretty well by myself but as far as everything else not really. I have trouble with Tulasi melody, thought I sing to Her every night as I do evening Aarti for Her. I was way off key though tonight for some reason. I have good nights and not so good nights I guess.
But maybe now after this youth bhajan I'll be a little more inspired. And also we'll see how Mangal Aarti goes tomorrow too hopefully that will get a bit more ecstatic too.
But it was nice to sit in and listen to the different melodies of the Holy Name. The melodies were quite mellow as it was happening in the evening around 7:30 till 9pm. They got pretty ecstatic towards the end. It felt nice to be with younger people and a few who seemed liked they were around my age kind of anyways.
I was also sitting there thinking "Maharaj would have told me to attend this." So in a way it was like mana seva for Maharaj following his instructions. So next Tuesday I will attend the bhajan. The youth bhajan is a new thing they started for Tuesday nights. They never had this before even before winter started. So there had been changes made while I was away. It's just happening very very slowly.
The kirtan lasted for an hour and a half. I tried to sit on the rugs against a pillar to support my back as I cannot sit on the floor for too long. Amazingly I wasn't in that much pain but towards the end I was starting to feel it. But I had a nice time chanting Krishna's Names. It was relaxing in a way to relieve the tension I've been feeling lately at the temple. Mandakini was with me too at the bhajan and Bhaktin Shannon was too for about a half hour. I am not sure if I'll ever lead a kirtan as I am not so good with melodies nor is my singing voice that great. I can only lead Lord Nrsimahadeva prayers pretty well by myself but as far as everything else not really. I have trouble with Tulasi melody, thought I sing to Her every night as I do evening Aarti for Her. I was way off key though tonight for some reason. I have good nights and not so good nights I guess.
But maybe now after this youth bhajan I'll be a little more inspired. And also we'll see how Mangal Aarti goes tomorrow too hopefully that will get a bit more ecstatic too.
Read Read Read
When you are stuck inside on a rainy day, all one can do is either chant more or read for most of the day after service is finished.
One thing about me when I was younger, I always loved to read stuff. I could read anything I could get my hands on. But in 2007 was when I started getting my hands on to transcendental literature that Srila Prabhupada wrote. I guess after I kept reading more about George Harrison's spiritual life from the book Here Comes the Sun by Joshua M. Greene, inspired me even more about Krishna Conciousness. So I randomly ordered books from the library by Srila Prabhupada. And till this day I am still reading them even more so now that I am an initiated devotee.
Today I started off reading a bit from the Bhagavad Gita. I am on Chapter 4 now. And then later in the day I picked up The Nectar of Devotion, and then read from The Path of Perfection just this afternoon. Yesterday and the day before I was reading the Teachings of Lord Kapila. Not sure which book is really my favorite. I just like them all. That is what I've been doing a lot lately or trying to do is read Srila Prabhupada's books when I am not doing service. The Teachings of Lord Kapila and the Path of Perfection both explain the importance of Bhakti-Yoga which is the highest yoga because it helps one to return to Krishna in the end. That is what I've been studying lately on how to improve it. I've been trying to a little extra service here and there even though what I can do is limited due to my bad back at the moment. I am not sure if I should attempt to do gardening because that's a lot of bending over which hurts my back after awhile. More devotees are coming in to do service so there may not be a whole lot to do once they come in. Hopefully when my guru Maharaj gets here I can help him with some service in whatever he needs done to keep me busy.
What I am trying to do is to control my senses like feeling sleepy and stuff like that. Krishna says the mind is difficult to control due to maya or illusion. I pretty much have everyhing else controlled like following the 4 regulative principles. That's easy for me to follow. Sleepiness is the biggest one Im working on right now. Even after I go out walking I still get sleepy. Maybe it's because of my diet. Eating here in New Vrndavan is difficult for me so maybe that is why I am having trouble. So that is why I sort of picked up The Path of Perfection to see what I can do to conquer this feeling.
My guru Maharaj told me to do some extra reading so I am taking in this opportunity now to do a lot of reading and I don't mind it. The Teachings of Lord Kapila and the Path of Perfection seem to get my attention most of the time now not sure what it is about those two books, but there is probably something in there that I am trying to find the answer to. Soon as I figure it out hopefully I'll have more realizations to share. but for now Im just going to read read read. :D
One thing about me when I was younger, I always loved to read stuff. I could read anything I could get my hands on. But in 2007 was when I started getting my hands on to transcendental literature that Srila Prabhupada wrote. I guess after I kept reading more about George Harrison's spiritual life from the book Here Comes the Sun by Joshua M. Greene, inspired me even more about Krishna Conciousness. So I randomly ordered books from the library by Srila Prabhupada. And till this day I am still reading them even more so now that I am an initiated devotee.
Today I started off reading a bit from the Bhagavad Gita. I am on Chapter 4 now. And then later in the day I picked up The Nectar of Devotion, and then read from The Path of Perfection just this afternoon. Yesterday and the day before I was reading the Teachings of Lord Kapila. Not sure which book is really my favorite. I just like them all. That is what I've been doing a lot lately or trying to do is read Srila Prabhupada's books when I am not doing service. The Teachings of Lord Kapila and the Path of Perfection both explain the importance of Bhakti-Yoga which is the highest yoga because it helps one to return to Krishna in the end. That is what I've been studying lately on how to improve it. I've been trying to a little extra service here and there even though what I can do is limited due to my bad back at the moment. I am not sure if I should attempt to do gardening because that's a lot of bending over which hurts my back after awhile. More devotees are coming in to do service so there may not be a whole lot to do once they come in. Hopefully when my guru Maharaj gets here I can help him with some service in whatever he needs done to keep me busy.
What I am trying to do is to control my senses like feeling sleepy and stuff like that. Krishna says the mind is difficult to control due to maya or illusion. I pretty much have everyhing else controlled like following the 4 regulative principles. That's easy for me to follow. Sleepiness is the biggest one Im working on right now. Even after I go out walking I still get sleepy. Maybe it's because of my diet. Eating here in New Vrndavan is difficult for me so maybe that is why I am having trouble. So that is why I sort of picked up The Path of Perfection to see what I can do to conquer this feeling.
My guru Maharaj told me to do some extra reading so I am taking in this opportunity now to do a lot of reading and I don't mind it. The Teachings of Lord Kapila and the Path of Perfection seem to get my attention most of the time now not sure what it is about those two books, but there is probably something in there that I am trying to find the answer to. Soon as I figure it out hopefully I'll have more realizations to share. but for now Im just going to read read read. :D
Mixed Emotions
The morning wasn't so great, but this afternoon I was feelng a bit better. Maybe it was because I had gone to bed late at 10:30pm last night and didn't sleep very well. My sleeping habits have been out of whack lately. It must be because of the Festival of Inspiration comimg up and trying to get back to Toronto as soon as possible. So what I've been getting lately is mixed emotions. Not sure if this is normal for spiritual life or not. A devotee is always happy in Krishna Conciousness, which I am, but one should also be happy where they are serving Krishna which is where my downfall comes in. I was happier serving Krishna in Toronto. Here in Moundsville West Virginia is very hard for me.
I've been trying to go to the Aartis as much as I can. Today I went to the 12:30pm Aarti. There were a few guests there. I finished chanting a few left over rounds. Sometimes I wish I could go to the 7pm Aarti but I have service at that hour, Deity Plate transfer and Tulasi Aarti. But I love doing Tulasi Aarti as it helps the pain of separation while my guru Maharaj is away.
I have been going to Mangal Aarti every morning without fail, but then after Mangal Aarti I start to feel a bit sleepy and struggle with the second half of the morning program because I am up so early at 3:30am. I guess this is where my mixed emotions come in because of sleepiness maybe. And I hate feeling sleepy because I want to be able to serve Krishna without feeling that way. My rounds have been just fine too. I always get them done without fail also.
I haven't been able to do much walking as it keeps raining here everyday, and i don't have an umbrella to use either. Right now we are having a light thunderstorm, and it's supposed to ge worse later.
My godsister Vaidehi mataji had sent me copies of my guru Maharaj's blog posts that I can read in case I lose internet connection. I love to read my guru Maharaj's blogs because they keep me inspired a lot. That also cheered me up a lot and made my day a bit brighter. Then I was talking with Mother Siki in the office today too. I always like to talk to her about Krishna or Lord Nrsimahadeva. And she had quite a few stories to tell me. Like th one story she she told me about herself was when she was waiting for the bus stop at 11pm at night and 8 young men surrounded her and said "Hey baby why don't you come with us we are going to have a party?" but she said nothing to them and she started to sing Lord Nrsimahadeva prayers and after they heard her sing that they all got scared and ran away. There are many stories from devotees like this about Lord Nrsimahadeva yet. I don't have one of my own just yet probably because I am not that advanced or that purified enough yet. But even after hearing that story about Lord Nrsimahadeva that cheered me up too.
Maybe i'll try attending the youth bhajans here tonight if I am not feeling too tired to go after I put Tulasi Devi to bed. the one last Tuesday sounded pretty estatic but I was so tired that night I went to bed early.
Hopefully these mixed emotions I've been having will go away and I know they will by the time I get to Toronto. :D
I've been trying to go to the Aartis as much as I can. Today I went to the 12:30pm Aarti. There were a few guests there. I finished chanting a few left over rounds. Sometimes I wish I could go to the 7pm Aarti but I have service at that hour, Deity Plate transfer and Tulasi Aarti. But I love doing Tulasi Aarti as it helps the pain of separation while my guru Maharaj is away.
I have been going to Mangal Aarti every morning without fail, but then after Mangal Aarti I start to feel a bit sleepy and struggle with the second half of the morning program because I am up so early at 3:30am. I guess this is where my mixed emotions come in because of sleepiness maybe. And I hate feeling sleepy because I want to be able to serve Krishna without feeling that way. My rounds have been just fine too. I always get them done without fail also.
I haven't been able to do much walking as it keeps raining here everyday, and i don't have an umbrella to use either. Right now we are having a light thunderstorm, and it's supposed to ge worse later.
My godsister Vaidehi mataji had sent me copies of my guru Maharaj's blog posts that I can read in case I lose internet connection. I love to read my guru Maharaj's blogs because they keep me inspired a lot. That also cheered me up a lot and made my day a bit brighter. Then I was talking with Mother Siki in the office today too. I always like to talk to her about Krishna or Lord Nrsimahadeva. And she had quite a few stories to tell me. Like th one story she she told me about herself was when she was waiting for the bus stop at 11pm at night and 8 young men surrounded her and said "Hey baby why don't you come with us we are going to have a party?" but she said nothing to them and she started to sing Lord Nrsimahadeva prayers and after they heard her sing that they all got scared and ran away. There are many stories from devotees like this about Lord Nrsimahadeva yet. I don't have one of my own just yet probably because I am not that advanced or that purified enough yet. But even after hearing that story about Lord Nrsimahadeva that cheered me up too.
Maybe i'll try attending the youth bhajans here tonight if I am not feeling too tired to go after I put Tulasi Devi to bed. the one last Tuesday sounded pretty estatic but I was so tired that night I went to bed early.
Hopefully these mixed emotions I've been having will go away and I know they will by the time I get to Toronto. :D
Krishna Never Leaves His Devotees Unprotected
I was just thinking this this morning. Seems like I've been doing a lot of thinking but it's helped me to have some realizations along with it.
I was thinking of how Krishna never leaves His devotees unprotected no matter what situation they maybe in. I've had experiences with this myself. Althought at times it felt like wasn't protected but stopped myself and said "Why am I thinking so foolishly like this? Krishna NEVER abandons His devotee even in the toughest situations." He had shown me that recently while I was traveling but He still got me there and back unharmed just a bit mentally tired from all the traveling around.
Just like when Prahalad Maharaj was being tortured by his cruel father, Krishna protected him because he constantly remembered Krishna and kept his faith strong in Krishna. I've always loved the stories about Prahalad Maharaj. He was only a little boy when all this happened to him. Small childeren can even teach adults things they never knew even about God.
Anyways I remember how i first got into Krishna Conciousness. Of course most of you know that story...George Harrison brought me to Krishna. So he is like a guru to me and still is to this day. I didn't actually start reading Prabhupada's books until 2007 on my own.And then later that year my parents divorced for a second time. My mom had moved out of the apartment that we lived in. So I felt like I had no one to turn to but Krishna at the time and I also felt unprotected. So that was when I was reading the Bhagavad Gita and other books by Srila Prabhupada. That was when Krishna opened the doors for me. My Godbrother Ramachandra had recommended me to Maharaj and then Maharaj had told me where to go see Krishna and devotees. That's when it all started. As I look back on it now I realize that Krishna knew I was going to be His devotee and He had personally seen to it that I had protection from all corners. I have no biological brothers and sisters, and my father lives all the way in California, and my mother would not take me back in after she moved out so I had no one to turn to but Krishna and his devotees. Then as I advanced a bit more Krishna led me to my guru and I was able to surrender to him and become an initiated devotee so now I feel Krishna's protection even more even though He still puts me in situations where it feels like Im not. So in a way what happened to me in the past turned out to be a blessing by Krishna Himself. I'll just have to try and train myself to see things that way when things go wrong that eventually it will turn out to be a blessing.
Even now where I am...Im not totally happy but I am doing my best to tolerate it the best I can. Krishna probably wants me to experience more austerity for a bit to advance more. I'll just have to remind myself He's still protecting me and others here too who are struggling. Krishna knows I want to go back to Toronto but I don't think He's ready to let me go back there just yet. May have to wait another week or two for that.
I was thinking of how Krishna never leaves His devotees unprotected no matter what situation they maybe in. I've had experiences with this myself. Althought at times it felt like wasn't protected but stopped myself and said "Why am I thinking so foolishly like this? Krishna NEVER abandons His devotee even in the toughest situations." He had shown me that recently while I was traveling but He still got me there and back unharmed just a bit mentally tired from all the traveling around.
Just like when Prahalad Maharaj was being tortured by his cruel father, Krishna protected him because he constantly remembered Krishna and kept his faith strong in Krishna. I've always loved the stories about Prahalad Maharaj. He was only a little boy when all this happened to him. Small childeren can even teach adults things they never knew even about God.
Anyways I remember how i first got into Krishna Conciousness. Of course most of you know that story...George Harrison brought me to Krishna. So he is like a guru to me and still is to this day. I didn't actually start reading Prabhupada's books until 2007 on my own.And then later that year my parents divorced for a second time. My mom had moved out of the apartment that we lived in. So I felt like I had no one to turn to but Krishna at the time and I also felt unprotected. So that was when I was reading the Bhagavad Gita and other books by Srila Prabhupada. That was when Krishna opened the doors for me. My Godbrother Ramachandra had recommended me to Maharaj and then Maharaj had told me where to go see Krishna and devotees. That's when it all started. As I look back on it now I realize that Krishna knew I was going to be His devotee and He had personally seen to it that I had protection from all corners. I have no biological brothers and sisters, and my father lives all the way in California, and my mother would not take me back in after she moved out so I had no one to turn to but Krishna and his devotees. Then as I advanced a bit more Krishna led me to my guru and I was able to surrender to him and become an initiated devotee so now I feel Krishna's protection even more even though He still puts me in situations where it feels like Im not. So in a way what happened to me in the past turned out to be a blessing by Krishna Himself. I'll just have to try and train myself to see things that way when things go wrong that eventually it will turn out to be a blessing.
Even now where I am...Im not totally happy but I am doing my best to tolerate it the best I can. Krishna probably wants me to experience more austerity for a bit to advance more. I'll just have to remind myself He's still protecting me and others here too who are struggling. Krishna knows I want to go back to Toronto but I don't think He's ready to let me go back there just yet. May have to wait another week or two for that.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
My Spiritual Name
There's quite a few reason why I love my spiritual name. I've been thinking about it a lot lately so I decided to post about it here. Most of you already know the story behind it but for those of you who don't here is why.
At the time of initiation our spiritual lives begin another words we are 'first born' because we have come to the realization that we must surrender to God in this life otherwise if we don't we have to come back to this planet in another life. So if one finds a bona fide spiritual master and takes initiation from him to surrender more to God, the spiritual master give one a spiritual name thus your life will feel renewed. Almost like you're starting over on a clean slate. That's what it felt like to me when I took initiation from my guru Maharaj. So he has very kindly took me under his wing to guide me back home back to God.
I loved how my guru Maharaj came up with my name, Hari Lila Devi Dasi. Hari is a name of Krishna(who is God Himself) and it means 'servant of Krishna's pasttimes'. So that is one of the top main reasons why I love my name and secondly the reason why I love my spiritual name is because he also named me after George Harrison too. George wanted to be initiated by Srila Prabhupada and Prabhupada told him "You already are initiated your name is "Haris Son" (his name means son of Hari (God)). So that is how my guru Maharaj came up with my name. He matched it up to George's 'initiated' name. This is why I love my spiritual name.
So I've thought alot about my spiritual name and the more devotees call me by my spiritual name the more attached i get to it. Now my legal name "Rebecca" I still have to use outside the temple even though I absolutely hate it. I prefer to be called by my spiritual name now. I don't even want hear the name "rebecca" or even "becky" for that matter anymore but I know I have to when Im around family members. When I was in California I missed being called "Hari Lila" becuase I wasn't in a temple. I got to visit a couple temples out there but only for a few hours. There are other people out in the world who are not Krishna Conciousness but do change their names legally, that can be done i heard but it's a tough process. I wouldn't go that far however with that, as long as I stay in a temple or near devotees I will be able to hear my spiritual name being said to me. Devotees here in New Vrndavan are still trying to get used to my name as i haven't been here long enough but they are starting to remember it now. So its very rare that they call me becky here anymore. They call me Hari Lila by my spiritual name which is what I prefer.
At the time of initiation our spiritual lives begin another words we are 'first born' because we have come to the realization that we must surrender to God in this life otherwise if we don't we have to come back to this planet in another life. So if one finds a bona fide spiritual master and takes initiation from him to surrender more to God, the spiritual master give one a spiritual name thus your life will feel renewed. Almost like you're starting over on a clean slate. That's what it felt like to me when I took initiation from my guru Maharaj. So he has very kindly took me under his wing to guide me back home back to God.
I loved how my guru Maharaj came up with my name, Hari Lila Devi Dasi. Hari is a name of Krishna(who is God Himself) and it means 'servant of Krishna's pasttimes'. So that is one of the top main reasons why I love my name and secondly the reason why I love my spiritual name is because he also named me after George Harrison too. George wanted to be initiated by Srila Prabhupada and Prabhupada told him "You already are initiated your name is "Haris Son" (his name means son of Hari (God)). So that is how my guru Maharaj came up with my name. He matched it up to George's 'initiated' name. This is why I love my spiritual name.
So I've thought alot about my spiritual name and the more devotees call me by my spiritual name the more attached i get to it. Now my legal name "Rebecca" I still have to use outside the temple even though I absolutely hate it. I prefer to be called by my spiritual name now. I don't even want hear the name "rebecca" or even "becky" for that matter anymore but I know I have to when Im around family members. When I was in California I missed being called "Hari Lila" becuase I wasn't in a temple. I got to visit a couple temples out there but only for a few hours. There are other people out in the world who are not Krishna Conciousness but do change their names legally, that can be done i heard but it's a tough process. I wouldn't go that far however with that, as long as I stay in a temple or near devotees I will be able to hear my spiritual name being said to me. Devotees here in New Vrndavan are still trying to get used to my name as i haven't been here long enough but they are starting to remember it now. So its very rare that they call me becky here anymore. They call me Hari Lila by my spiritual name which is what I prefer.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Under the Weather
When one is not feeling well the old saying that everyone says is that "you're feeling under the weather." Well that's pretty much what happened to me the other night. I was fine all day yesterday but then later that night I was feeling very sick to my stomach. I don't know if I caught a stomach virus or a light flu bug, or if it was just something in the prasadam that didn't agree with my stomach. But I was up all night the other night due to an upset stomach and I kept getting hot and cold flashes, and not only that my back was in pain. I was just hurting all over. That's the material body for you. It brings you nothing but pain and suffering. Thank goodness this body is only temporary. When one is sick it reminds you that this body is NOT permanant. It detioriates with age and time.
I was very upset with myself though for not going to Mangal Aarti yesterday morning. I just hope and pray my guru Maharaj will forgive me for not going. I did try to get up for Mangal Aarti but when I did I was feeling really sick and didn't want to run the risk of getting sick during Mangal Aarti or get anyone else sick on top of that. I went to Mangal Aarti this morning though. My stomach was still hurting me but I forced myself to stay through the whole thing becuase I was not about to miss out on Mangal Aarti again. I hate missing Mangal Aarti. My guru Maharaj knows I go to Mangal Aarti everyday without fail. I even try to go when Im not feeling well. But yesterday took it's toll on me. :(
I have not eaten anything for a day an a half due to an upset stomach. I might try to have some fruit at the 4:30pm offering. not sure if I am up to eating a full lunch yet. Im afraid to attempt to eat the prasadam for it may upset my stomach again.
Today though I cheered up a bit. I ran into one of the devotees from Toronto! I forgot his name but he is an Indian body and very nice. He says he saw me before in Toronto and here too. I told him Im trying to get back to Toronto as soon as possible. Not sure when it will happen. I told him I have to wait till Maharaj comes back from South Africa first.
While I am recovering from a little flu bug I've done a lot of reading this morning. I've been reading from The Teachings of Lord Kapila most of the morning to keep my mind occupied and off the stomach pains i've been having. Im also doing a load of clothes to wash also. I even found my purple jacket in the laundry room.Im glad I found that. I'll need it when I go back up to Toronto. I just hope the rest of the day will go by smoothly. I did do some service this morning. I cleaned the pujari room and I'll do the Deity Plate transfer later. I feel too contiminated to do Tulasi Aarti so I'll wait till tomorrow to do that again although I felt sad about not doing Tulasi Aarti because it makes me feel closer to Maharaj even while he's away. I should be back to my oldself tomorrow. :)
I was very upset with myself though for not going to Mangal Aarti yesterday morning. I just hope and pray my guru Maharaj will forgive me for not going. I did try to get up for Mangal Aarti but when I did I was feeling really sick and didn't want to run the risk of getting sick during Mangal Aarti or get anyone else sick on top of that. I went to Mangal Aarti this morning though. My stomach was still hurting me but I forced myself to stay through the whole thing becuase I was not about to miss out on Mangal Aarti again. I hate missing Mangal Aarti. My guru Maharaj knows I go to Mangal Aarti everyday without fail. I even try to go when Im not feeling well. But yesterday took it's toll on me. :(
I have not eaten anything for a day an a half due to an upset stomach. I might try to have some fruit at the 4:30pm offering. not sure if I am up to eating a full lunch yet. Im afraid to attempt to eat the prasadam for it may upset my stomach again.
Today though I cheered up a bit. I ran into one of the devotees from Toronto! I forgot his name but he is an Indian body and very nice. He says he saw me before in Toronto and here too. I told him Im trying to get back to Toronto as soon as possible. Not sure when it will happen. I told him I have to wait till Maharaj comes back from South Africa first.
While I am recovering from a little flu bug I've done a lot of reading this morning. I've been reading from The Teachings of Lord Kapila most of the morning to keep my mind occupied and off the stomach pains i've been having. Im also doing a load of clothes to wash also. I even found my purple jacket in the laundry room.Im glad I found that. I'll need it when I go back up to Toronto. I just hope the rest of the day will go by smoothly. I did do some service this morning. I cleaned the pujari room and I'll do the Deity Plate transfer later. I feel too contiminated to do Tulasi Aarti so I'll wait till tomorrow to do that again although I felt sad about not doing Tulasi Aarti because it makes me feel closer to Maharaj even while he's away. I should be back to my oldself tomorrow. :)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Deity Service
Today I did plent of Deity service.
The morning started off very nice. I didn't have any really bad back pains this morning. Mangal Aarti was also very nice. The kirtan was plenty estatic. I did Tulasi puja like I normally do and dedicated it to Maharaj as I did puja for Tulasi.
Then Bhagavatam class was given by Mother Malati. And she told the story of how Iskcon got the Krishna Book Published. Of course I had a big grin on my face about it because she did talke about George. :D Everytime I hear that story I always get a smile on my face.
Then I started my service afterwards. I cleaned up the pujari room and another mataji who was a guest who helped me to clean it a bit. I gave her a garland for helping. Then after that I went out to pick flowers for Krishna. I came back in and offered two flowers again to the small blue murti of Krishna in the temple's lobby. I also had to do the 12 noon deity plate transfer and then again at 4:30pm. Afterwards I helped Sachi Kripa make Lord Jagganatha's garland. I have to do the deity plate transfer again tonight at 7pm, and then do evening Tulasi puja.
It seemed like a pretty much full day. I even took a walk around by the apartments and saw a very tiny narrow creek along the road and walked along side it. I didn't walk for a full hour due to doing service later in the afternoon but i at least got outside some.
Four more days until Maharaj returns to Toronto, hopefully that week I'll be able to return to Toronto. I've been so anxious to go back. Krishna is teaching me patience...and boy is that a hard one for me. But Im working on it. :)
The morning started off very nice. I didn't have any really bad back pains this morning. Mangal Aarti was also very nice. The kirtan was plenty estatic. I did Tulasi puja like I normally do and dedicated it to Maharaj as I did puja for Tulasi.
Then Bhagavatam class was given by Mother Malati. And she told the story of how Iskcon got the Krishna Book Published. Of course I had a big grin on my face about it because she did talke about George. :D Everytime I hear that story I always get a smile on my face.
Then I started my service afterwards. I cleaned up the pujari room and another mataji who was a guest who helped me to clean it a bit. I gave her a garland for helping. Then after that I went out to pick flowers for Krishna. I came back in and offered two flowers again to the small blue murti of Krishna in the temple's lobby. I also had to do the 12 noon deity plate transfer and then again at 4:30pm. Afterwards I helped Sachi Kripa make Lord Jagganatha's garland. I have to do the deity plate transfer again tonight at 7pm, and then do evening Tulasi puja.
It seemed like a pretty much full day. I even took a walk around by the apartments and saw a very tiny narrow creek along the road and walked along side it. I didn't walk for a full hour due to doing service later in the afternoon but i at least got outside some.
Four more days until Maharaj returns to Toronto, hopefully that week I'll be able to return to Toronto. I've been so anxious to go back. Krishna is teaching me patience...and boy is that a hard one for me. But Im working on it. :)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
While I Was Picking Flowers For Krishna
Yesterday and today I was thinking of some pasttimes of Srimate Radharani and also of Lord Krishna's pasttimes in the Vrndavan Forest. Again as my guru Maharaj said "Its easy to see Krishna through nature" and he's right about that.
Today as I was picking flowers I was thinking of Srimate Radharani walking through the forest and picking flowers for Krishna, and then of Her going home to string up the garland for Him. I believe She then heard Krishna's flute playing and dropped what She was doing and ran to Him. I'd more than likely do the same myself if I ever had the chance to hear Krishna's flute playing. I often wondered what His flute playing sounds like. Sometimes I wish I could physically hear it but one has to hear it in the heart first from what I understand. I also imagined helping Srimate Radharani picking the flowers for Her to help make the garlands for Krishna. Im glad I read about these pasttimes in the Nectar of Devotion.
Then yesterday as I was picking flowers I was still thinking of Srimate Radharani. And then after awhile it started to rain. So that led me to the past time about when Lord Krishna lifted Govardana Hill. I didn't get that wet from the rain. I was under the big pine trees which had sheltered me from it. So I imagined those trees to be Govardana Hill and tried to take Shelter under Krishna's Lotus Feet from the rain. I also thought about the demigods too. My guru also said "When you go outside try to think of the demigods." Demigods can help one think of Krishna because He is the Supreme Controller. So I thought of the rain as Indra watering Krishna's garden here in New Vrndavan as his service to Krishna. I also believed Krishna saved me from this nasty thunderstorm we had yesterday because as soon as I was done picking flowers, I heard the rolling of thunder as it was raining so I hurried into the temple and took Shelter again in Krishna's temple. If I hadn't thought of these pasttimes of Krishna that storm could have gotten me soaked or elecricuted by the severe lightening or the heavy rain hitting my bad back. So I believe Krishna saved me from that nasty thunderstorm yesterday. I offer my respectful obeisances unto Lord Krishna for that protection He gave.
And after i came back inside today from picking flowers, there was a small blue murti deity of Lord Krishna in the temple's lobby next to the gift shop. I picked one of the flowers from the bucket I had in my hand and offered the flower to Krishna. Then after I put the flowers in the cooler I thought "I want to offer Krishna ANOTHER flower" So I did. Krishna was very merciful again today. He knew I had severe back pains and he didn't have me walk to far to pick flowers.The yellow and orange flowers had grown back after all the rain we had here. All glories to Lord Krishna.
I just have to learn to trust Lord Krishna's arrangements in whatever He does. it's difficult for me to learn it but I will eventually. Hopefully it won't take me too long to realize that as we do not know when we will leave this world. But I am sure Lord Krishna will reveal that to me someday about why He made these arrangements in my life.
Today as I was picking flowers I was thinking of Srimate Radharani walking through the forest and picking flowers for Krishna, and then of Her going home to string up the garland for Him. I believe She then heard Krishna's flute playing and dropped what She was doing and ran to Him. I'd more than likely do the same myself if I ever had the chance to hear Krishna's flute playing. I often wondered what His flute playing sounds like. Sometimes I wish I could physically hear it but one has to hear it in the heart first from what I understand. I also imagined helping Srimate Radharani picking the flowers for Her to help make the garlands for Krishna. Im glad I read about these pasttimes in the Nectar of Devotion.
Then yesterday as I was picking flowers I was still thinking of Srimate Radharani. And then after awhile it started to rain. So that led me to the past time about when Lord Krishna lifted Govardana Hill. I didn't get that wet from the rain. I was under the big pine trees which had sheltered me from it. So I imagined those trees to be Govardana Hill and tried to take Shelter under Krishna's Lotus Feet from the rain. I also thought about the demigods too. My guru also said "When you go outside try to think of the demigods." Demigods can help one think of Krishna because He is the Supreme Controller. So I thought of the rain as Indra watering Krishna's garden here in New Vrndavan as his service to Krishna. I also believed Krishna saved me from this nasty thunderstorm we had yesterday because as soon as I was done picking flowers, I heard the rolling of thunder as it was raining so I hurried into the temple and took Shelter again in Krishna's temple. If I hadn't thought of these pasttimes of Krishna that storm could have gotten me soaked or elecricuted by the severe lightening or the heavy rain hitting my bad back. So I believe Krishna saved me from that nasty thunderstorm yesterday. I offer my respectful obeisances unto Lord Krishna for that protection He gave.
And after i came back inside today from picking flowers, there was a small blue murti deity of Lord Krishna in the temple's lobby next to the gift shop. I picked one of the flowers from the bucket I had in my hand and offered the flower to Krishna. Then after I put the flowers in the cooler I thought "I want to offer Krishna ANOTHER flower" So I did. Krishna was very merciful again today. He knew I had severe back pains and he didn't have me walk to far to pick flowers.The yellow and orange flowers had grown back after all the rain we had here. All glories to Lord Krishna.
I just have to learn to trust Lord Krishna's arrangements in whatever He does. it's difficult for me to learn it but I will eventually. Hopefully it won't take me too long to realize that as we do not know when we will leave this world. But I am sure Lord Krishna will reveal that to me someday about why He made these arrangements in my life.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Another Nice Spring Day
This morning looked like it was going to rain so I stayed indoors. I went to Mangal Aarti on time as my guru Maharaj expects his disciples to always be on time for Mangal Aarti. Although I had a bit of a hard time this morning due to my back hurting me once again. I don't know if it's because of the weather change or what but my back's been in pain for the last few days. I've been trying to do some walking around to help it. But after I had picked flowers today for Krishna my back was still hurting me. But I had to do my service for Krishna by picking flowers for Him.
So I had gone to pick flowers after lunch today. The skies had cleared up and it was sunny. It's very pretty here when it's warm and sunny outside. Yesterday was so windy and was hard to do my service but I still did it. You can even smell the flowers in the air here when the wind picks up. But later in the afternoon it clouded over again I was kind of disappointed. It looked so pretty with the sun out.
Later in the day I went to help Sachi Kripa clean out her room in the ashram. She stays there during the winter time and now she's going back to her apartment down the street. We had spoken about Lord Jagganatha a bit. I told her how Lord Jagganatha appeared to me out of no where while I was in California skiing with my father. I told her I was in the locker room before me and my father went out skiing and I saw a sticker of Lord Jaggantha on the locker. The Lord knew I was aching to see Him so He miraculously appeared on that locker. I spotted Him right away and it had brought a smile to my face. I also took it as the Lord was pleased that I was still thinking of Him as I was doing something that was not Krishna Conciousness like skiing.
I had also chatted with my godsister Nitai Priya on facebook today. She left a message on her status saying that they had three blizzards in one day up in Toronto yesterday! I guess I still need to bring my winter coat up there if I do go back to Toronto. I had asked her if Maharaj ever gone walking in a blizzard or heavy snow like that and she said yes. Maharaj just amazes me. I don't know if I could ever walk as far or as in such treacherous weather like he has! Although I do my best to be inspired by that. But I do have to be careful with my shoes as they are not in great shape for wet weather. I have to buy a pair of boots too somehow. Toronto is going to have a late spring I guess. So I am going to try to enjoy the weather here in New Vrndavan before heading back to the cold again. Or maybe it will be warmed up by the time if I do get back.
So I've been trying to have the spring weather distract me from worrying about my trip back to Toronto soon. It's hard not to worry about it due to the stressful experience I had trying to get back before. I felt as though I'd been traumatized by that experience at the border and Im still trying to recover from it. I think being outdoors like Maharaj suggested will do me good and clear my head. If it's another nice day outside I think I'll take my books with me and sit by the pond and read for awhile. I hope Krishna will let it be a nice sunny day tomorrow.
So I had gone to pick flowers after lunch today. The skies had cleared up and it was sunny. It's very pretty here when it's warm and sunny outside. Yesterday was so windy and was hard to do my service but I still did it. You can even smell the flowers in the air here when the wind picks up. But later in the afternoon it clouded over again I was kind of disappointed. It looked so pretty with the sun out.
Later in the day I went to help Sachi Kripa clean out her room in the ashram. She stays there during the winter time and now she's going back to her apartment down the street. We had spoken about Lord Jagganatha a bit. I told her how Lord Jagganatha appeared to me out of no where while I was in California skiing with my father. I told her I was in the locker room before me and my father went out skiing and I saw a sticker of Lord Jaggantha on the locker. The Lord knew I was aching to see Him so He miraculously appeared on that locker. I spotted Him right away and it had brought a smile to my face. I also took it as the Lord was pleased that I was still thinking of Him as I was doing something that was not Krishna Conciousness like skiing.
I had also chatted with my godsister Nitai Priya on facebook today. She left a message on her status saying that they had three blizzards in one day up in Toronto yesterday! I guess I still need to bring my winter coat up there if I do go back to Toronto. I had asked her if Maharaj ever gone walking in a blizzard or heavy snow like that and she said yes. Maharaj just amazes me. I don't know if I could ever walk as far or as in such treacherous weather like he has! Although I do my best to be inspired by that. But I do have to be careful with my shoes as they are not in great shape for wet weather. I have to buy a pair of boots too somehow. Toronto is going to have a late spring I guess. So I am going to try to enjoy the weather here in New Vrndavan before heading back to the cold again. Or maybe it will be warmed up by the time if I do get back.
So I've been trying to have the spring weather distract me from worrying about my trip back to Toronto soon. It's hard not to worry about it due to the stressful experience I had trying to get back before. I felt as though I'd been traumatized by that experience at the border and Im still trying to recover from it. I think being outdoors like Maharaj suggested will do me good and clear my head. If it's another nice day outside I think I'll take my books with me and sit by the pond and read for awhile. I hope Krishna will let it be a nice sunny day tomorrow.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Needed Some Air
Today was a quiet Sunday. So after lunch I went out side for about an hour and a half. I went to go and pick some daffodils. I found some pretty yellow and orange ones and white ones too for Krishna. I picked a whole bucket full of them.
I also went up to the Palace of Gold up the street. It was a nice little walk. I chanted about four extra rounds while walking around up there at the palace and sat on a bench for awhile looking at the pond where the lotus flowers were. The lotus flowers usually bloom around September. I was up there last year and saw them. They were very pretty. During Radharani's Appearance Day one of the pujaris gave me a lotus flower that was on the altar. I never held a lotus flower before on that day. Lotus flowers smell so pretty.
That is one good thing about New Vrndavan, you are surrounded by trees and can enjoy a bit of the country side. You can go on nice japa walks. I have to try to find a good trail around here to go on. Im so used to doing japa walks in Canada. After I walked around it got to be etremely windy and then later this evening dark clouds started to roll in again. Looks like we may get rain again. I hope it will not rain tomorrow as I would like to go back outside again. My back was hurting me earlier this morning but now i know why..the weather.
I remembered something today that my guru Maharaj said to me in an email. "You can see Krishna easily through nature." I wish there was a wood path somewhere around here I could find to where I can get back to the temple easily. Maybe I'll have to do a little exploring one of these days. I don't know when i'll get back to Toronto...it might not even happen. Hopefully doing a nature japa walk will help too and I know maharaj would be pleased with it. I wish I knew how he walked around New Vrndavan though or what path he took. I hope the weather will be nice tomorrow like it was this afternoon.
I also went up to the Palace of Gold up the street. It was a nice little walk. I chanted about four extra rounds while walking around up there at the palace and sat on a bench for awhile looking at the pond where the lotus flowers were. The lotus flowers usually bloom around September. I was up there last year and saw them. They were very pretty. During Radharani's Appearance Day one of the pujaris gave me a lotus flower that was on the altar. I never held a lotus flower before on that day. Lotus flowers smell so pretty.
That is one good thing about New Vrndavan, you are surrounded by trees and can enjoy a bit of the country side. You can go on nice japa walks. I have to try to find a good trail around here to go on. Im so used to doing japa walks in Canada. After I walked around it got to be etremely windy and then later this evening dark clouds started to roll in again. Looks like we may get rain again. I hope it will not rain tomorrow as I would like to go back outside again. My back was hurting me earlier this morning but now i know why..the weather.
I remembered something today that my guru Maharaj said to me in an email. "You can see Krishna easily through nature." I wish there was a wood path somewhere around here I could find to where I can get back to the temple easily. Maybe I'll have to do a little exploring one of these days. I don't know when i'll get back to Toronto...it might not even happen. Hopefully doing a nature japa walk will help too and I know maharaj would be pleased with it. I wish I knew how he walked around New Vrndavan though or what path he took. I hope the weather will be nice tomorrow like it was this afternoon.
Trying to Serve Guru Through Separation
I've been having so much difficulty lately in trying to serve my guru though separation. At first I tried telling myself that it won't be that hard but about a week after I returned to New Vrndavan...it was really hard to tell myself that.
I had spoken with Bhaktin Shannon and her husband who is the vice president of New Vrndavan. I told them I wanted to try to do the same services that Maharaj gave to me personally while in Toronto. I need to do something to help me feel closer to Maharaj while he's away and while I am not in Toronto. I can feel Maharaj more at Toronto even while he's away but here in New Vrndavan...that's a real challenge.
As I've said in my last post I was thinking of how merciful Maharaj has been to a rascal and fallen soul like me. I was in tears the other night thinking about it. Separation from my guru to me is very very painful and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can. I just miss hearing Maharaj's Bhagavatam Classes and his Kirtans. Yesterday I was able to watch a lecture on Bhaktin Shannon's computer that Maharaj gave. That was a big help. I think I was going through withdrawl on hearing Maharaj's classes. I needed to hear him give a class and that helped me to feel better. And I also took up on doing Tulasi Puja this week both morning and evening. Through Tulasi Puja it helps me to feel as if Maharaj himself were personally present in the temple room. I could almost 'see' and 'hear' him there for a split second but I was dedicating Tulasi Puja to him since he likes it when I do Tulasi Puja. But over all i am still having a bit of difficulty in serving my guru while he's away. For me it's hard to function or even breath sometimes without him around becuase he keeps me so inspired. Im really happy Krishna helped me to find a special guru like him. I'd be one lost soul without Maharaj that is for sure. He's gotten me this far. And it is true. One cannot spiritually advance without a bona fide spiritual master.
I had spoken with Bhaktin Shannon and her husband who is the vice president of New Vrndavan. I told them I wanted to try to do the same services that Maharaj gave to me personally while in Toronto. I need to do something to help me feel closer to Maharaj while he's away and while I am not in Toronto. I can feel Maharaj more at Toronto even while he's away but here in New Vrndavan...that's a real challenge.
As I've said in my last post I was thinking of how merciful Maharaj has been to a rascal and fallen soul like me. I was in tears the other night thinking about it. Separation from my guru to me is very very painful and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can. I just miss hearing Maharaj's Bhagavatam Classes and his Kirtans. Yesterday I was able to watch a lecture on Bhaktin Shannon's computer that Maharaj gave. That was a big help. I think I was going through withdrawl on hearing Maharaj's classes. I needed to hear him give a class and that helped me to feel better. And I also took up on doing Tulasi Puja this week both morning and evening. Through Tulasi Puja it helps me to feel as if Maharaj himself were personally present in the temple room. I could almost 'see' and 'hear' him there for a split second but I was dedicating Tulasi Puja to him since he likes it when I do Tulasi Puja. But over all i am still having a bit of difficulty in serving my guru while he's away. For me it's hard to function or even breath sometimes without him around becuase he keeps me so inspired. Im really happy Krishna helped me to find a special guru like him. I'd be one lost soul without Maharaj that is for sure. He's gotten me this far. And it is true. One cannot spiritually advance without a bona fide spiritual master.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Just have to accept Krishna's arrangements
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how Krishna is making all these arrangements.
Krishna didn't want me going to Canada this time around. He wanted me here in New Vrndavan for some reason. For that reason I do not know. I know He is in control and it's very difficult for me to learn that. Krishna may not want me to go to Canada at all and to practice more austerity. I am trying hard to remember what my guru Maharaj said to stay strong in sadhana and keep happy. The keeping happy part is hard to do here in New Vrndavan. I've been through many difficulties here.
Maharaj and other devotees in Canada I know would love to have me back but, I don't want to become too much of a burden of them having to try and bring me back because I was refused at the border. Maharaj has already done so much for me and today I was thinking of how much he's done for me that I literally was crying about it and I still am just typing this. Maharaj has been so kind to a rascal and fallen soul like me. I 've been having so many realizations ever since he initiated me on Srila Prabhupada's behalf. And it has made me a more humbler devotee of Krishna. Krishna is really testing me hard and I don't think i've passed any of His tests yet. I am tryng to teach myself that Krishna is the controller. Yes Krishna has revealed Himself to me in minor ways and now He's testing me again to see how much more faith I have in Him. Krishna's trying to tell me He's in control which is probably why He's not letting me go to Toronto just now and also to Cleveland as well. I just don't want to have Maharaj worry about bringing me back to Canada if Krishna does not want that. Maharaj has other important things to worry about besides me. What he does is far more important like preaching Lord Krishna's Holy Names. Im just going to have to accept Krishna's arrangements for now with staying in New Vrndavan...I believe He wants me to me more austere. But I heard that one should be happy in serving Krishna whereever they are, and I am not totally happy where I am at the moment, unless Krishna is trying to teach me that I must be happy in a place where I am not. It is difficult for me to understand what Krishna really wants me to do. Hopefully He will let me know soon so that I can just accept His arrangements without lamentation.
Krishna didn't want me going to Canada this time around. He wanted me here in New Vrndavan for some reason. For that reason I do not know. I know He is in control and it's very difficult for me to learn that. Krishna may not want me to go to Canada at all and to practice more austerity. I am trying hard to remember what my guru Maharaj said to stay strong in sadhana and keep happy. The keeping happy part is hard to do here in New Vrndavan. I've been through many difficulties here.
Maharaj and other devotees in Canada I know would love to have me back but, I don't want to become too much of a burden of them having to try and bring me back because I was refused at the border. Maharaj has already done so much for me and today I was thinking of how much he's done for me that I literally was crying about it and I still am just typing this. Maharaj has been so kind to a rascal and fallen soul like me. I 've been having so many realizations ever since he initiated me on Srila Prabhupada's behalf. And it has made me a more humbler devotee of Krishna. Krishna is really testing me hard and I don't think i've passed any of His tests yet. I am tryng to teach myself that Krishna is the controller. Yes Krishna has revealed Himself to me in minor ways and now He's testing me again to see how much more faith I have in Him. Krishna's trying to tell me He's in control which is probably why He's not letting me go to Toronto just now and also to Cleveland as well. I just don't want to have Maharaj worry about bringing me back to Canada if Krishna does not want that. Maharaj has other important things to worry about besides me. What he does is far more important like preaching Lord Krishna's Holy Names. Im just going to have to accept Krishna's arrangements for now with staying in New Vrndavan...I believe He wants me to me more austere. But I heard that one should be happy in serving Krishna whereever they are, and I am not totally happy where I am at the moment, unless Krishna is trying to teach me that I must be happy in a place where I am not. It is difficult for me to understand what Krishna really wants me to do. Hopefully He will let me know soon so that I can just accept His arrangements without lamentation.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Breaking out of the Shy Shell
It took me nearly 15 years to break out of this shy shell I've been since being locked up in a house for that long. This has never been an easy task for me. But I believe Krishna is slowing breaking that shell. He knows not to go too fast with me. There has been changes in New Vrndavan and more are to come but that will take a lot of time too.
After Lord Ramachandra's Appearance Day yesterday had enlivened my spiritual life a bit being here in New Vrndavan. When I first came back here April 3rd. I felt like a she deer about ready to run back to Toronto or even Cleveland. But I noticed there are more devotees back in the temple for Mangal Aarti and the second half of the program. And last night's 7pm Aarti had almost put me back on the 'cloud' as Mother Sudevi puts it. I am only about 80% there. It may get better later this week. Bhaktin Shannon and her husband have been a tremendous help. They are the ones helping to make the changes around this temple. I know by the festival of inspiration I'll be back on that 'cloud.' That is one goal I am working on for spirituality.
This morning's Aarti I tried to picture my guru Maharaj here in this temple. I could almost picture him leading the kirtan. The kirtans have been more estatic here lately so that's been easing the pain of separation from my guru Maharaj while he's away traveling. As long as these kirtans stay estatic, the more ethusiastic and encouraged I will be. The only thing I miss now is hearing Maharaj's Bhagavatam classes. His classes are very very unique no one else really gives class like the way he does. But the kirtans really help me to feel that Maharaj is here even though I know our guru is always with us, but I like to get a stronger feeling of that by hearing these estatic kirtans to help me feel that. It also helps to feel closer to Krishna as well I noticed that Radha Vrndavan Chandra are a lot happier now too with the changes here in the temple. Before I left They didn't look happy either like I was. I am happy to see Krishna happy.
So I just hope and pray to Krishna that He'll break me out of this shy shell. I've been trying to get myself to dance during kirtans. That's one of the things that I get so shy about is dancing because I'd feel silly most of the time. I don't know why I feel that way when I know I shouldn't because Im dancing for Krishna not an audience of karmis. Krishna wouldn't care how I'd dance as long as it's out of love for Him. So I did my best this morning to give it a try. Yesterday's kirtan was what kept me inspired. I also hope that the association here will also improve as well. That was one of the things I am looking for is more association with devotees like there is in Toronto. New Vrndavan needs more of that. So as long as the kirtans stay estatic and the devotee association increases it should be better than before.
After Lord Ramachandra's Appearance Day yesterday had enlivened my spiritual life a bit being here in New Vrndavan. When I first came back here April 3rd. I felt like a she deer about ready to run back to Toronto or even Cleveland. But I noticed there are more devotees back in the temple for Mangal Aarti and the second half of the program. And last night's 7pm Aarti had almost put me back on the 'cloud' as Mother Sudevi puts it. I am only about 80% there. It may get better later this week. Bhaktin Shannon and her husband have been a tremendous help. They are the ones helping to make the changes around this temple. I know by the festival of inspiration I'll be back on that 'cloud.' That is one goal I am working on for spirituality.
This morning's Aarti I tried to picture my guru Maharaj here in this temple. I could almost picture him leading the kirtan. The kirtans have been more estatic here lately so that's been easing the pain of separation from my guru Maharaj while he's away traveling. As long as these kirtans stay estatic, the more ethusiastic and encouraged I will be. The only thing I miss now is hearing Maharaj's Bhagavatam classes. His classes are very very unique no one else really gives class like the way he does. But the kirtans really help me to feel that Maharaj is here even though I know our guru is always with us, but I like to get a stronger feeling of that by hearing these estatic kirtans to help me feel that. It also helps to feel closer to Krishna as well I noticed that Radha Vrndavan Chandra are a lot happier now too with the changes here in the temple. Before I left They didn't look happy either like I was. I am happy to see Krishna happy.
So I just hope and pray to Krishna that He'll break me out of this shy shell. I've been trying to get myself to dance during kirtans. That's one of the things that I get so shy about is dancing because I'd feel silly most of the time. I don't know why I feel that way when I know I shouldn't because Im dancing for Krishna not an audience of karmis. Krishna wouldn't care how I'd dance as long as it's out of love for Him. So I did my best this morning to give it a try. Yesterday's kirtan was what kept me inspired. I also hope that the association here will also improve as well. That was one of the things I am looking for is more association with devotees like there is in Toronto. New Vrndavan needs more of that. So as long as the kirtans stay estatic and the devotee association increases it should be better than before.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Lord Ramachandra's Appearace Day
Today was pretty amazing and also one of my favorite past times of Krishna as Lord Ramachandra.
The morning hadn't started off so great for me as I had some stomach cramps but they went away by the afternoon. The Mangal Aarti kirtan was very very estatic. Especially the second half of the morning program. Then Bhagavatam class was all about Lord Ramachandra. I always loved the story of Rama and Sita. I want to buy the book Ramayana. It's a very transcendental story and it's also a love story because Lord Ramachandra's wife Sita was kidnapped by the demon Ravana. Lord Ramachandra was very angry and Sita felt severe separation from her husband Lord Ramachandra goes to rescue her from this powerful demon. To me the story is very enchanting.
I spent most of the morning trying to get rid of stomach cramps. By 3pm I went downstairs to help make the bathing juices for the bathing ceremony of Lord Ramachandra. I only cut the fruits up for it and bhaktin shannon made the fruit juices for it. Then by 5pm the bathing ceremony began. It was a very beautiful ceremony. The larger Deities were wearing pink purple and blue outfits. We even had small Deities of Lord Ramachandra and Sita and Hanuman. During the ceremony I noticed Radha Vrndavan Chandra were looking down at the bathing ceremony with smiles on Their Lotus Faces. Usually They are looking straight ahead but tonight. They weren't They were very pleased with the bathing ceremony and kirtan. And They looked even more beautiful to me today because today is a very auspicious day because of Lord Ramachandra.
The 7pm Aarti was so much fun for Lord Ramachandra. Even I was dancing some even though I cannot dance very well. But I tried at least. And by Lord Nrsimahadeva prayers I was pretty blissed out. It felt like Maharaj was physically here in the temple almost because I know how wild his kirtans can be. Usually I can feel Maharaj's presence through the kirtans because he loves kirtans. So I will try to focus on that to ease the pain of separation from my guru Maharaj.
All glories to Lord Ramachandra and Sita!
The morning hadn't started off so great for me as I had some stomach cramps but they went away by the afternoon. The Mangal Aarti kirtan was very very estatic. Especially the second half of the morning program. Then Bhagavatam class was all about Lord Ramachandra. I always loved the story of Rama and Sita. I want to buy the book Ramayana. It's a very transcendental story and it's also a love story because Lord Ramachandra's wife Sita was kidnapped by the demon Ravana. Lord Ramachandra was very angry and Sita felt severe separation from her husband Lord Ramachandra goes to rescue her from this powerful demon. To me the story is very enchanting.
I spent most of the morning trying to get rid of stomach cramps. By 3pm I went downstairs to help make the bathing juices for the bathing ceremony of Lord Ramachandra. I only cut the fruits up for it and bhaktin shannon made the fruit juices for it. Then by 5pm the bathing ceremony began. It was a very beautiful ceremony. The larger Deities were wearing pink purple and blue outfits. We even had small Deities of Lord Ramachandra and Sita and Hanuman. During the ceremony I noticed Radha Vrndavan Chandra were looking down at the bathing ceremony with smiles on Their Lotus Faces. Usually They are looking straight ahead but tonight. They weren't They were very pleased with the bathing ceremony and kirtan. And They looked even more beautiful to me today because today is a very auspicious day because of Lord Ramachandra.
The 7pm Aarti was so much fun for Lord Ramachandra. Even I was dancing some even though I cannot dance very well. But I tried at least. And by Lord Nrsimahadeva prayers I was pretty blissed out. It felt like Maharaj was physically here in the temple almost because I know how wild his kirtans can be. Usually I can feel Maharaj's presence through the kirtans because he loves kirtans. So I will try to focus on that to ease the pain of separation from my guru Maharaj.
All glories to Lord Ramachandra and Sita!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Rejected From Canada, but loved by Radha Vrndavan Chandra
Well my trip to Canada did not go so well. I had difficulty with the bus when i got to Erie PA. They had apparently cancelled the bus to Buffalo New York and they said we had to take a bus to Cleveland to get to it. So I was in Cleveland for three hours 11pm till 2am. The rest of the way went smoothly. I finally reached the border. And they had to take me into immigration. That did not go so well. They asked me so many questions even though I followed to what my guru instructed me to say to them. But they went into deeper details about my stay in Canada. So they could not let me through due to financial reasons and also proof of address. They had to send me back to the United States. It was another long bus ride all the way back to West Virginia. The bus went okay up until I got to Pittsburgh. They said my bus wouldn't leave Pittsburgh for Wheeling until 7am the next morning after I got to Pittsburgh at 5pm. So I had called Mother Siki and she had found someone to pick me up in Pittsburgh. ChandraShankar picked me up. While I waited for him to come I chatted on the phone with Mother Sudevi and also Mandakini. I got back to the temple safely around 10pm last night. I still feel a bit exhausted from yesterday but I'll be fine.
So even though I was rejected by Canada, apparently Sri Sri Radha Vrndavan Chandra didn't want me to leave again so soon. Some devotees welcomed me back. Bhaktin Shannon said she'd work along with me with service. I did get some of my old services back like cleaning the pujari room and deity plate transfer I might help out with the dishes too but I think they already have someone else doing that. Later today Bhaktin Shannon and I will go out to pick flowers for the Deities garlands and she said i might help her with making some garlands again.
Tomorrow I have to talk to Jaya Krishna about what will happen to me in the future. I told him I am not going anywhere any time soon as I have no choice at the moment but to stay here in New Vrndavan. Madhavendra Puri said he's still try to help me get back to Canada again by having a letter stating I am a religious worker and that they will take care of me there during the months I stay. But we will see what Krishna arranges and wants me to do. I hope I can get a hold of Maharaj too but he pretty much already knows what's going on.
So even though I was rejected by Canada, apparently Sri Sri Radha Vrndavan Chandra didn't want me to leave again so soon. Some devotees welcomed me back. Bhaktin Shannon said she'd work along with me with service. I did get some of my old services back like cleaning the pujari room and deity plate transfer I might help out with the dishes too but I think they already have someone else doing that. Later today Bhaktin Shannon and I will go out to pick flowers for the Deities garlands and she said i might help her with making some garlands again.
Tomorrow I have to talk to Jaya Krishna about what will happen to me in the future. I told him I am not going anywhere any time soon as I have no choice at the moment but to stay here in New Vrndavan. Madhavendra Puri said he's still try to help me get back to Canada again by having a letter stating I am a religious worker and that they will take care of me there during the months I stay. But we will see what Krishna arranges and wants me to do. I hope I can get a hold of Maharaj too but he pretty much already knows what's going on.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Last Full Day in New Vrndavan
Well today was my last full day in New Vrndavan. I spent most of the day cleaning out my room. I had gotten rid of most of what I had originally although I do have to leave a couple bags behind until I come back for them for the Festival of Inspiration but I only have about three or four small bags that have some clothes in them. I had left them in Mother Sudevi's apartment so as not to have it stolen while Im away. I have yet to stop over Mother Sudevi's apartment to leave her a little gift and a couple more small things.
I kept thinking of Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha the whole time I was here in New Vrndavan. It was because the days were getting close for me to return to Them. I know Radha Vrndavan Chandra were right in front of me though. I spent some quiet time with Radha Vrndavan Chandra quietly saying good bye to Them promising to always remember Them, especially Lord Nrsimahadeva. That is where I feel torn in two. I am so attracted to Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha but at the same time so attracted to Lord Nrsimahadeva in New Vrndavan. But I know I can always visit Him and plus I have some nice pictures of Him as well that I am taking with me.
I also managed to get a very nice garland for my guru Maharaj. I got him a Lord Jaganatha garland. :) And I also got another small garland for whoever is picking me up at the bus station Saturday morning. :)
11:30am tomorrow I plan on taking a final darshan of the Deities before I leave at noon. I will probably spend the last 15 minutes in front of Lord Nrsimahadeva. I will miss Him very dearly. This morning though during the program, I could have sworn Gopalnathaji was looking at me. I guess it was more verification, and then Lord Nityananda had a bluish tint to Him as well. They must have given me Their blessing with going to Toronto. I do however look forward to seeing the Deities again for the festival. And I will miss some of the devotees here like Mother Siki, Mother Dhara, Govinda Mohini, Mandakini, Vyapi, and ChandraShankar Prabhu and a few others. They were the few devotees that I could talk to at least in New Vrndavan. But I know the devotees in Toronto wish to have me back as soon as possible including my guru Maharaj whom I am aching to see and talk to soon. I know my spiritual batteries will be recharged when I see Maharaj and the devotees there! Haribol!
I kept thinking of Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha the whole time I was here in New Vrndavan. It was because the days were getting close for me to return to Them. I know Radha Vrndavan Chandra were right in front of me though. I spent some quiet time with Radha Vrndavan Chandra quietly saying good bye to Them promising to always remember Them, especially Lord Nrsimahadeva. That is where I feel torn in two. I am so attracted to Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha but at the same time so attracted to Lord Nrsimahadeva in New Vrndavan. But I know I can always visit Him and plus I have some nice pictures of Him as well that I am taking with me.
I also managed to get a very nice garland for my guru Maharaj. I got him a Lord Jaganatha garland. :) And I also got another small garland for whoever is picking me up at the bus station Saturday morning. :)
11:30am tomorrow I plan on taking a final darshan of the Deities before I leave at noon. I will probably spend the last 15 minutes in front of Lord Nrsimahadeva. I will miss Him very dearly. This morning though during the program, I could have sworn Gopalnathaji was looking at me. I guess it was more verification, and then Lord Nityananda had a bluish tint to Him as well. They must have given me Their blessing with going to Toronto. I do however look forward to seeing the Deities again for the festival. And I will miss some of the devotees here like Mother Siki, Mother Dhara, Govinda Mohini, Mandakini, Vyapi, and ChandraShankar Prabhu and a few others. They were the few devotees that I could talk to at least in New Vrndavan. But I know the devotees in Toronto wish to have me back as soon as possible including my guru Maharaj whom I am aching to see and talk to soon. I know my spiritual batteries will be recharged when I see Maharaj and the devotees there! Haribol!
Monday, April 4, 2011
First full day back in New Vrndavan.
It does feel good to be back in New Vrndavan after not being there for three months. I did see some slight change in it. I saw some new devotees I never saw before and I met the new temple president Jaya Krishna. He's really nice. And familiar faces there also were happy to see me. They all asked me what my initiated name was and some asked me who my guru Maharaj was.
Mandakini was mostly with me most of the time. We always goof around when we see each other. She too is aspiring for Bhaktimarga Swami. Im trying to encourage her to practice her sadana so that she can please Maharaj and become his disciple. That way we could be Godsisters. She wants to spend a lot of time with me before I head back to Toronto this Friday. I cannot wait to go back to Toronto to see the devotees there and especially Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha and Maharaj. I hope I can talk with Maharaj for a bit on how things went in California and New Vrndavan for my short stay.
But I did have a problem when I came back to New Vrndavan. When I got to my room I found that it was unlocked. Someone had gone into my room and totally destroyed it. My clothes were everywhere my TV was thrown on my bed, and one of my desk drawers were pulled out and left on the floor. And even worse yet, my murti of Lord Nrsimahadeva was STOLEN. I have no clue who did it, but I was VERY VERY upset. But Mandakini heard from her mother that her mother may have seen Lord Nrsimahadeva in Krishna's Attic. I hope that is the case because if He's there I am taking Him back. I have the box and I think I have the paper from when Mother Sudevi bought Him as proof that He belongs to me. If I do get my Lord Nrsimahadeva back I am NEVER letting Him out of my sight again!
But other than that things are going well so far here in New Vrndavan. I noticed that the morning kirtans are more estatic and the Aartis are very nice. I plan on going to the 8:30pm Aarti. I try to make it to all the Aartis as I can. Maharaj once said that going to Aartis and seeing the Deity destroys one's material desires and also destroys wanting to satisfy sense gratification. I've noticed that change in me lately that since going to Aartis, I don't have many material desires all I have now basically is transcendental desires like wanting to directly serve my Guru Maharaj and devotees in Toronto and not wanting to ever leave that temple in Toronto ever again. I got so attached to it that I nearly cried a few times being away from it. I love the temple in Toronto. It's like a safe haven for me. Where maya cannot attack. Maya can still attack but not as badly in the temple because Krishna is personally present. All those transcendental desires I had such as wanting to hear Maharaj give class in mayapur, helping Maharaj after his surgery, and going to temples in California were all fullfilled by Krishna Himself. So that is proof right there that Krishna does exist. He is God, the Supreme.
I got an email today also from Maharaj. He simply told me to keep my sadana strong and to keep happy. He also asked me when I was coming back. I am very happy he wishes me to return to Toronto. He also thanked me for the messages as well. I think he was pleased that I kept in touch with him. That's all I really care to do now is to please my guru Maharaj. Because if he is pleased, that means Srila Prabhupada is pleased, and then Krishna (God Himself) is also pleased so I am very very careful about that.
So we will see how the next three days go here in New Vrndavan. I will be sure to spend as much time with the Deities here as possible. Which is why I've been going to the Aartis lately.
Three days to go till Toronto!!!!!!
Mandakini was mostly with me most of the time. We always goof around when we see each other. She too is aspiring for Bhaktimarga Swami. Im trying to encourage her to practice her sadana so that she can please Maharaj and become his disciple. That way we could be Godsisters. She wants to spend a lot of time with me before I head back to Toronto this Friday. I cannot wait to go back to Toronto to see the devotees there and especially Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha and Maharaj. I hope I can talk with Maharaj for a bit on how things went in California and New Vrndavan for my short stay.
But I did have a problem when I came back to New Vrndavan. When I got to my room I found that it was unlocked. Someone had gone into my room and totally destroyed it. My clothes were everywhere my TV was thrown on my bed, and one of my desk drawers were pulled out and left on the floor. And even worse yet, my murti of Lord Nrsimahadeva was STOLEN. I have no clue who did it, but I was VERY VERY upset. But Mandakini heard from her mother that her mother may have seen Lord Nrsimahadeva in Krishna's Attic. I hope that is the case because if He's there I am taking Him back. I have the box and I think I have the paper from when Mother Sudevi bought Him as proof that He belongs to me. If I do get my Lord Nrsimahadeva back I am NEVER letting Him out of my sight again!
But other than that things are going well so far here in New Vrndavan. I noticed that the morning kirtans are more estatic and the Aartis are very nice. I plan on going to the 8:30pm Aarti. I try to make it to all the Aartis as I can. Maharaj once said that going to Aartis and seeing the Deity destroys one's material desires and also destroys wanting to satisfy sense gratification. I've noticed that change in me lately that since going to Aartis, I don't have many material desires all I have now basically is transcendental desires like wanting to directly serve my Guru Maharaj and devotees in Toronto and not wanting to ever leave that temple in Toronto ever again. I got so attached to it that I nearly cried a few times being away from it. I love the temple in Toronto. It's like a safe haven for me. Where maya cannot attack. Maya can still attack but not as badly in the temple because Krishna is personally present. All those transcendental desires I had such as wanting to hear Maharaj give class in mayapur, helping Maharaj after his surgery, and going to temples in California were all fullfilled by Krishna Himself. So that is proof right there that Krishna does exist. He is God, the Supreme.
I got an email today also from Maharaj. He simply told me to keep my sadana strong and to keep happy. He also asked me when I was coming back. I am very happy he wishes me to return to Toronto. He also thanked me for the messages as well. I think he was pleased that I kept in touch with him. That's all I really care to do now is to please my guru Maharaj. Because if he is pleased, that means Srila Prabhupada is pleased, and then Krishna (God Himself) is also pleased so I am very very careful about that.
So we will see how the next three days go here in New Vrndavan. I will be sure to spend as much time with the Deities here as possible. Which is why I've been going to the Aartis lately.
Three days to go till Toronto!!!!!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Last Day In California
Today is my last day in California. Over all it was a nice trip, but I am happy to be going back to the temple again and continue on with my spiritual life.
This trip had made me think of the many realizations I've had throughout the three weeks. Some of my family members were inquisitive about Krishna Conciousness, others rejected it which is to be expected. Srila Prabhupada said that family members will reject Krishna Conciousness and a devotee must accept the rejections and humility. by doing that it makes the devotee more determined to serve Krishna and to spiritually advance. When I met Nirantara das Prabhu and listened to his class he made a very good point. When a devotee wants to talk about God, there are some people that don't want to talk about God and are not very encouraging, and all they want to talk about is sex and their problems in life which is true. What I've learned is that many people are very touchy about the topic of religion and will freak out if a religion is different from theirs and don't know anything about it's philosophy. My grandmother on my mom's side said that people should try to learn something new everyday so that they are comfortable with it and not fear it. She's one person i can talk to about Krishna Conciousness without someone giving me a hard time about it.
Even on T.V you don't hear any encouraging words about how to love God and others...the T.V just wants you to satisify your sense gratification. I never liked watching T.V that much anyway. To me it's boring lol.
Other realizations is this too, is that I do miss being around my devotee friends. They have shown me a lot of kindness to me and I still email many of them. I've had more friends now than I used to when I was in school. I never had any friends in school because the kids always bullied me and I was always different from them. If you didn't act like their friends or like themselves in school, you were considered a geek, or just plain weird. I was always the one that got easily picked on because I was an easy target. but no more of that. Krishna had made me stronger and taught me how I can stand up and fight, and not let maya or anything else try to attack me with their mundane words. I cannot wait to go back to Toronto and see my friends there again.
And also lastly being on this trip forced met to think of Krishna more. There were times I had come close to tears because I missed being in the temple and doing service there. It was a strong feeling of separation. I had almost anxiously waited for this trip to be over but Krishna still fullfilled my desires while I was out here. He knew I wanted to go to the temples to see Him. So I went to the Los Angeles temple twice and the San Diego temple once. Little by little Krishna is revealing Himself. This is probably why Krishna sent me on this trip to think of Him more which I pretty much did the whole time. I did my best to stay Krishna Conciousness as much as possible.
Now tomorrow I head back to New Vrndavan. I have some new faces there to meet and things to take care of within the four days I am staying there before I head back to Toronto April 8th. It'll be good to be back in the temple again where I am happiest.
This trip had made me think of the many realizations I've had throughout the three weeks. Some of my family members were inquisitive about Krishna Conciousness, others rejected it which is to be expected. Srila Prabhupada said that family members will reject Krishna Conciousness and a devotee must accept the rejections and humility. by doing that it makes the devotee more determined to serve Krishna and to spiritually advance. When I met Nirantara das Prabhu and listened to his class he made a very good point. When a devotee wants to talk about God, there are some people that don't want to talk about God and are not very encouraging, and all they want to talk about is sex and their problems in life which is true. What I've learned is that many people are very touchy about the topic of religion and will freak out if a religion is different from theirs and don't know anything about it's philosophy. My grandmother on my mom's side said that people should try to learn something new everyday so that they are comfortable with it and not fear it. She's one person i can talk to about Krishna Conciousness without someone giving me a hard time about it.
Even on T.V you don't hear any encouraging words about how to love God and others...the T.V just wants you to satisify your sense gratification. I never liked watching T.V that much anyway. To me it's boring lol.
Other realizations is this too, is that I do miss being around my devotee friends. They have shown me a lot of kindness to me and I still email many of them. I've had more friends now than I used to when I was in school. I never had any friends in school because the kids always bullied me and I was always different from them. If you didn't act like their friends or like themselves in school, you were considered a geek, or just plain weird. I was always the one that got easily picked on because I was an easy target. but no more of that. Krishna had made me stronger and taught me how I can stand up and fight, and not let maya or anything else try to attack me with their mundane words. I cannot wait to go back to Toronto and see my friends there again.
And also lastly being on this trip forced met to think of Krishna more. There were times I had come close to tears because I missed being in the temple and doing service there. It was a strong feeling of separation. I had almost anxiously waited for this trip to be over but Krishna still fullfilled my desires while I was out here. He knew I wanted to go to the temples to see Him. So I went to the Los Angeles temple twice and the San Diego temple once. Little by little Krishna is revealing Himself. This is probably why Krishna sent me on this trip to think of Him more which I pretty much did the whole time. I did my best to stay Krishna Conciousness as much as possible.
Now tomorrow I head back to New Vrndavan. I have some new faces there to meet and things to take care of within the four days I am staying there before I head back to Toronto April 8th. It'll be good to be back in the temple again where I am happiest.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Meeting Nirantara das Prabhu
Yesterday was pretty cool. In the morning my dad and I rode bikes to the beach. My Aunt Sherrie met us there a little later. We stayed for about three and a half hours I think. I chanted some rounds on the beach and will do the same today.
Then later we headed off for the Los Angeles temple. I was so happy to go to the temple and see Krishna and Srila Prabhupada. I felt comfy again. I spent four hours in the temple. I had to buy a new copy of the Bhagavad Gita since my other one fell apart. Suddenly I heard a familiar guitar sound downstairs in the restaurant and a familiar voice. I followed the sound and found Nirantara das Prabhu giving a guitar lesson. I introduced myself to him and said I came to hear his class that evening. He was very very nice and I thought he was pretty cool too. Then I went into the temple and sat and read for a few hours. The Deity doors were open too. They were wearing green again like last time only it was a different green outfit. Then there was Aarti at 6:30ish. It felt nice to see a full Aarti again. After the Aarti class began finally. We went over Ch. 7 texts 20-29 in the Bhagavad Gita. He just read the English parts of the texts and briefly explained each one. I liked the part where he said "we would not be sitting here in the temple if we did not do any pious activity in our past lives" and he also explained the importance of chanting as well. He was so inspiriing. He reminds me of my guru Maharaj in a way. :) Then after class I went to have some prasadam for dinner because I was hungry. My dad doesn't like the food at the temple but I bought a maha cookie for him. Nirantara Prabhu saw us outside and I told him that it was my dad sitting with me. Nirantara said to my dad "May Krishna bless you and protect you" not once but twice to him. :) Im so happy my dad got some mercy from Krishna yesterday evening. I won't forget that trip to the temple. Krishna had fullfilled my desire in wanting to meet Nirantara Prabhu.
Then later we headed off for the Los Angeles temple. I was so happy to go to the temple and see Krishna and Srila Prabhupada. I felt comfy again. I spent four hours in the temple. I had to buy a new copy of the Bhagavad Gita since my other one fell apart. Suddenly I heard a familiar guitar sound downstairs in the restaurant and a familiar voice. I followed the sound and found Nirantara das Prabhu giving a guitar lesson. I introduced myself to him and said I came to hear his class that evening. He was very very nice and I thought he was pretty cool too. Then I went into the temple and sat and read for a few hours. The Deity doors were open too. They were wearing green again like last time only it was a different green outfit. Then there was Aarti at 6:30ish. It felt nice to see a full Aarti again. After the Aarti class began finally. We went over Ch. 7 texts 20-29 in the Bhagavad Gita. He just read the English parts of the texts and briefly explained each one. I liked the part where he said "we would not be sitting here in the temple if we did not do any pious activity in our past lives" and he also explained the importance of chanting as well. He was so inspiriing. He reminds me of my guru Maharaj in a way. :) Then after class I went to have some prasadam for dinner because I was hungry. My dad doesn't like the food at the temple but I bought a maha cookie for him. Nirantara Prabhu saw us outside and I told him that it was my dad sitting with me. Nirantara said to my dad "May Krishna bless you and protect you" not once but twice to him. :) Im so happy my dad got some mercy from Krishna yesterday evening. I won't forget that trip to the temple. Krishna had fullfilled my desire in wanting to meet Nirantara Prabhu.
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