Since I've arrived in California I've had lack of devotee association. I try my best to keep in touch with devotees through email and phone as much as possible. It is difficult being outside the temple where you feel different from everyone else and have to remain silent about beliefs. I guess Krishna put me through this austerity to force me to think of Him more and so far it's working. I've been trying for days to get to a temple, hopefully that will happen tomorrow by visiting the LA temple to fullfill my guru Maharaj's request.
I had talked to my guru over the phone the other day and he said the feeling of separation was good and that it also feels like a fish out of water. That's what I had felt like for the past week in a half. Like it was hard to breathe without being around devotees and seeing Krishna in the temple. But again Krishna is forcing me to think of Him more and to rely on Him.
Sometimes I have to learn things the hard way. But now I've been learning who I can talk to and who I can't and it seems only through devotees I can truly relate to. It's all a learning experience. We all commit offenses which is why we are here...to learn from our mistakes and try again. Believe me I've probably commited a lot of offenses but still Krishna is kind and has helped me to learn from them. That is why there are devotees who are more advanced to help other devotees to avoid commiting offenses, and to also to learn how to help others do the same. Devotees are taught to be as humble as possible. But there are many people who misunderstand devotees and take it the wrong way. But we have to take it as humility and a lesson to be learned for those who misunderstand devotees. I try not to preach to others because too many people would misunderstand me and take it the wrong way. I let someone who is in more knowledge and higher authority to preach since I am in no position to do that. Because since I have done that the less offenses I have committed.
So devotee association is very important because it teaches one to be humble, and live a simple and pure life.
