Trusting In Krishna

My guru had told me not to be in anxiety. That is very difficult in my case. I've always been in anxiety and fear for most of my life until I had found refuge in Krishna. But my fear and anxiety is still lingering. I think that is another one of my downfalls in my spiritual life. I know Srila Prabhupada would say to keep chanting...which I am doing the best I can as well.

I still have a fear of leaving this temple, but also trying to return to Canada to come back to this temple. I just hope everything will work out. I read online that if a person doesn't get their passport stamped with a time frame that they are allowed to stay for, then they can remain in Canada for six months. It didn't stay whether or not to notify them. Hopefully by Krishna's causless mercy He will allow me go thru crossing the border without problems and hopefully allow me to return to Canada to continue serivng my Guru Maharaj and His devotees here. That is all I wish to do now. I know I must learn to leave everything in Krishna's hands. He knows my heart better than I do myself since He controls it. I try to think of how Krishna had answered my prayers during the past two months of my stay here in Canada, so I have to have faith in Him again with this. He knows that I can serve Him better here in Canada, but Krishna may throw a twist at me and have me stay in New Vrndavan for more austerity...even though I have been through a lot of austerity there before. Krishna can do with me as He likes. I have to trust in His plan in whatever He does, even if I am in fear. Srila Prabhpada once told me in a dream "Have faith in Krishna." Now's the time to work on that. I felt that this temple has been my safe haven. I felt so protected here and still do. Maybe with this it will force me to think of Krishna more and trust in Him. These last few days of my stay here I will meditate on that. I should email my guru Maharaj about this one also and see what he may say, but I may have to wait since he is busy in India and I do not want to disturb him at the moment. Again, this is where I have to trust in Krishna alone. I found a verse in Ch 4 Text 10 of the Bhagavad Gita and this I should go over for the next few days...

TRANSLATION

Being freed from attachment, fear and anger, being fully absorbed in Me and taking refuge in Me, many, many persons in the past became purifled by knowledge of Me—and thus they all attained transcendental love for Me.

PURPORT

As described above, it is very difficult for a person who is too materially affected to understand the personal nature of the Supreme Absolute Truth. Generally, people who are attached to the bodily conception of life are so absorbed in materialism that it is almost impossible for them to understand that there is a transcendental body which is imperishable, full of knowledge and eternally blissful. In the materialistic concept, the body is perishable, full of ignorance and completely miserable. Therefore, people in general keep this same bodily idea in mind when they are informed of the personal form of the Lord. For such materialistic men, the form of the gigantic material manifestation is supreme. Consequently they consider the Supreme to be impersonal. And because they are too materially absorbed, the conception of retaining the personality after liberation from matter frightens them. When they are informed that spiritual life is also individual and personal, they become afraid of becoming persons again, and so they naturally prefer a kind of merging into the impersonal void. Generally, they compare the living entities to the bubbles of the ocean, which merge into the ocean. That is the highest perfection of spiritual existence attainable without individual personality. This is a kind of fearful stage of life, devoid of perfect knowledge of spiritual existence. Furthermore there are many persons who cannot understand spiritual existence at all. Being embarassed by so many theories and by contradictions of various types of philosophical speculation, they become disgusted or angry and foolishly conclude that there is no supreme cause and that everything is ultimately void. Such people are in a diseased condition of life. Some people are too materially attached and therefore do not give attention to spiritual life, some of them want to merge into the supreme spiritual cause, and some of them disbelieve in everything, being angry at all sorts of spiritual speculation out of hopelessness. This last class of men take to the shelter of some kind of intoxication, and their affective hallucinations are sometimes accepted as spiritual vision. One has to get rid of all three stages of attachment to the material world: negligence of spiritual life, fear of a spiritual personal identity, and the conception of void that underlies the frustration of life. To get free from these three stages of the material concept of life, one has to take complete shelter of the Lord, guided by the bona fide spiritual master, and follow the disciplines and regulative principles of devotional life. The last stage of the devotional life is called bhāva, or transcendental love of Godhead.
According to Bhakti-rasāmṛta-sindhu, the science of devotional service:

ādau śraddhā tataḥ sādhu-saṅgo ’tha bhajana-kriyā
tato ’nartha-nivṛttiḥ syāt tato niṣṭhā rucis tataḥ
athāsaktis tato bhāvas tataḥ premābhyudañcati
sādhakānām ayaṁ premṇaḥ prādurbhāve bhavet kramaḥ.

“In the beginning one must have a preliminary desire for self-realization. This will bring one to the stage of trying to associate with persons who are spiritually elevated. In next stage one becomes initiated by an elevated spiritual master, and under his instruction the neophyte devotee begins the process of devotional service. By execution of devotional service under the guidance of the spiritual master, one becomes free from all material attachment, attains steadiness in self-realization, and acquires a taste for hearing about the Absolute Personality of Godhead, Śrī Kṛṣṇa. This taste leads one further forward to attachment for Kṛṣṇa consciousness, which is matured in bhāva, or the preliminary stage of transcendental love of God. Real love for God is called premā, the highest perfectional stage of life.” In the premā stage there is constant engagement in the transcendental loving service of the Lord. So, by the slow process of devotional service, under the guidance of the bona fide spiritual master, one can attain the highest stage, being freed from all material attachment, from the fearfulness of one’s individual spiritual personality, and from the frustrations resulting from void philosophy. Then one can ultimately attain to the abode of the Supreme Lord.