Lately I've been struggling outside the temple. I feel like I am out of routine pretty much. I talked to Maharaj on the phone yesterday which helped me to feel better. I am trying to stay focused on my sadhana and chanting as much as possible. I've been doing a lot of reading lately in my Krishna book to help me feel closer to Krishna. Because Krishna says that when one hears about His pasttimes or reads about Him His devotees always live with Him. So I am trying to keep that in my heart and mind. I went out for my hour walk today and kept saying that in my head to myself over and over. Krishna's devotees are NEVER lost to Him and Krishna is NEVER lost to His devotees. I believe there is a verse in the Bhagavad Gita Ch. 6 Text 30 Krishna says For one who sees Me everywhere and sees everything in Me, I am never lost, nor is he lost to Me." I also try to remember that last prayer that Lord Chaitanya wrote:
I know no one but Krishna as my Lord
And He shall remain so even if He handles me roughly by His embrace
Or makes me broken hearted by not being present before me.
He is completely free to do anything and everything,
For He is always my worshipable Lord unconditionally.
I guess Krishna is putting me through this austerity for a reason. One gets the urge to want to talk about Krishna but you can't because people around you do not understand and will misjudge it without even knowing what it really is. It is so difficult to keep silent about it. Sometimes I get too upset too easily for my own good. I've been very quiet for the last few days and trying not to say anything about it.
