More realizations are sinking in. Krishna is still being merciful to me. Today He had let me "hear" my guru Maharaj's instructions to me through my heart because He knows I'm struggling still a little bit with separation.
My day started off early as I had said in my most recent post today. During the morning program, the temple president made an announcement that we would be remembering a great devotee named Yamuna Devi Dasi, who was one of Srila Prabhupada's first disciples, and my guru Maharaj's godsister. All day long I could just "hear" Maharaj say to me "You should come to the program tonight." I know he'd want me to come to show support. I never met Yamuna Devi Dasi but after the program tonight I thought that she was such a great devotee and seemed like a very nice mataji according to others who have spoken about her tonight. So I had gone to this program not only because the temple president asked us to come but even before he had asked us to come I "heard" my guru Maharaj instructiong me to come to the program to remember his godsister Yamuna Devi Dasi. So I also went for him to honor his instructions and strictly follow it.
Also today I did a little bit of cleaning in the pujari room. Today I had washed the walls and borders in the hallways, and cleaned off these old wooden shelves that had A LOT of dust on them. I felt Maharaj was pleased with that service and I hope Krishna Himself was too. Also when I was cleaning those walls in the pujari room, I noticed that they keep two tulasi plants in there for the morning program. So I took my time because I wanted to be near Tulasi. I miss my baby Tulasis back in Toronto. I wish I didn't have to leave her there but since I don't have Canadian citizenshipe I had to come back ot the States. I am very much attached to Tulasi Devi as she has been so merciful to me. There is another Tulasi bead bag in the gift shop I saw that I want to get. I have one with her on my bead bag but this one they have is slightly different. I'll just get a different color with her on it. They have three of those left. I will get it after Christmas.
But now there is only one thing bothering me. My services today seemed too short. I only did two and a half hours of service today and Maharaj wants me to do six hours of service. I hope they will add a little more to my schedule as I want to follow my guru Maharaj's instructions. Hopefully I will be able to "hear" Maharaj's instuctions to me again like that. It had brought me some comfort.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Just One of Those Mornings
It's just one of those mornings where I woke up super early. I got up at 2:30am and just chanted my rounds and was pretty much finished by 4:15am before Mangal Aarti. I don't know why I woke up so early. Something was probaby bothering me but only Krishna knows why I woke up so early.
Yesterday did turn out nice despite me struggling with separation from my guru Maharaj. Devotees in the kitchen were kidding around with me. I was talking to a nice mataji who is brand new to the movement. Her name is Sue. She told me she just joined the movement this September. She was asking me questions about how I came to the movement and also she was wanting to know about my guru Maharaj. I will show her a picture of him later because she wanted to know what he looks like.
Usually during the morning programs I just feel really quiet I don't normally talk much until later in the morning. Im still trying to adjust to the new surroundings. I emailed my guru Maharaj last night and told him I am struggling with adjusting a bit. Getting to know new faces and places is a bit overwhelming for me. I hope Krishna will help me get past this obstacle. One of the matajis invited me to dance with the ladies this morning but I wasn't feeling up to it and I didn't want to hurt my back. I cannot do any of the wild dancing they do here. Im not much of a dancer and especially now being in a new place I don't feel ready to do stuff like that.
I know Im still identifying with the body. Im guilty of that. It may take me years to realize it. So I have my faults I can make a whole list of them. But I hope in time Krishna will make me realize that I am not this body but a spirit soul. But it's hard when you are feeling pain in the body. This is a sign for me to do this : more chanting.
Yesterday did turn out nice despite me struggling with separation from my guru Maharaj. Devotees in the kitchen were kidding around with me. I was talking to a nice mataji who is brand new to the movement. Her name is Sue. She told me she just joined the movement this September. She was asking me questions about how I came to the movement and also she was wanting to know about my guru Maharaj. I will show her a picture of him later because she wanted to know what he looks like.
Usually during the morning programs I just feel really quiet I don't normally talk much until later in the morning. Im still trying to adjust to the new surroundings. I emailed my guru Maharaj last night and told him I am struggling with adjusting a bit. Getting to know new faces and places is a bit overwhelming for me. I hope Krishna will help me get past this obstacle. One of the matajis invited me to dance with the ladies this morning but I wasn't feeling up to it and I didn't want to hurt my back. I cannot do any of the wild dancing they do here. Im not much of a dancer and especially now being in a new place I don't feel ready to do stuff like that.
I know Im still identifying with the body. Im guilty of that. It may take me years to realize it. So I have my faults I can make a whole list of them. But I hope in time Krishna will make me realize that I am not this body but a spirit soul. But it's hard when you are feeling pain in the body. This is a sign for me to do this : more chanting.
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