Today was a quiet Sunday. So after lunch I went out side for about an hour and a half. I went to go and pick some daffodils. I found some pretty yellow and orange ones and white ones too for Krishna. I picked a whole bucket full of them.
I also went up to the Palace of Gold up the street. It was a nice little walk. I chanted about four extra rounds while walking around up there at the palace and sat on a bench for awhile looking at the pond where the lotus flowers were. The lotus flowers usually bloom around September. I was up there last year and saw them. They were very pretty. During Radharani's Appearance Day one of the pujaris gave me a lotus flower that was on the altar. I never held a lotus flower before on that day. Lotus flowers smell so pretty.
That is one good thing about New Vrndavan, you are surrounded by trees and can enjoy a bit of the country side. You can go on nice japa walks. I have to try to find a good trail around here to go on. Im so used to doing japa walks in Canada. After I walked around it got to be etremely windy and then later this evening dark clouds started to roll in again. Looks like we may get rain again. I hope it will not rain tomorrow as I would like to go back outside again. My back was hurting me earlier this morning but now i know why..the weather.
I remembered something today that my guru Maharaj said to me in an email. "You can see Krishna easily through nature." I wish there was a wood path somewhere around here I could find to where I can get back to the temple easily. Maybe I'll have to do a little exploring one of these days. I don't know when i'll get back to Toronto...it might not even happen. Hopefully doing a nature japa walk will help too and I know maharaj would be pleased with it. I wish I knew how he walked around New Vrndavan though or what path he took. I hope the weather will be nice tomorrow like it was this afternoon.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Trying to Serve Guru Through Separation
I've been having so much difficulty lately in trying to serve my guru though separation. At first I tried telling myself that it won't be that hard but about a week after I returned to New Vrndavan...it was really hard to tell myself that.
I had spoken with Bhaktin Shannon and her husband who is the vice president of New Vrndavan. I told them I wanted to try to do the same services that Maharaj gave to me personally while in Toronto. I need to do something to help me feel closer to Maharaj while he's away and while I am not in Toronto. I can feel Maharaj more at Toronto even while he's away but here in New Vrndavan...that's a real challenge.
As I've said in my last post I was thinking of how merciful Maharaj has been to a rascal and fallen soul like me. I was in tears the other night thinking about it. Separation from my guru to me is very very painful and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can. I just miss hearing Maharaj's Bhagavatam Classes and his Kirtans. Yesterday I was able to watch a lecture on Bhaktin Shannon's computer that Maharaj gave. That was a big help. I think I was going through withdrawl on hearing Maharaj's classes. I needed to hear him give a class and that helped me to feel better. And I also took up on doing Tulasi Puja this week both morning and evening. Through Tulasi Puja it helps me to feel as if Maharaj himself were personally present in the temple room. I could almost 'see' and 'hear' him there for a split second but I was dedicating Tulasi Puja to him since he likes it when I do Tulasi Puja. But over all i am still having a bit of difficulty in serving my guru while he's away. For me it's hard to function or even breath sometimes without him around becuase he keeps me so inspired. Im really happy Krishna helped me to find a special guru like him. I'd be one lost soul without Maharaj that is for sure. He's gotten me this far. And it is true. One cannot spiritually advance without a bona fide spiritual master.
I had spoken with Bhaktin Shannon and her husband who is the vice president of New Vrndavan. I told them I wanted to try to do the same services that Maharaj gave to me personally while in Toronto. I need to do something to help me feel closer to Maharaj while he's away and while I am not in Toronto. I can feel Maharaj more at Toronto even while he's away but here in New Vrndavan...that's a real challenge.
As I've said in my last post I was thinking of how merciful Maharaj has been to a rascal and fallen soul like me. I was in tears the other night thinking about it. Separation from my guru to me is very very painful and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can. I just miss hearing Maharaj's Bhagavatam Classes and his Kirtans. Yesterday I was able to watch a lecture on Bhaktin Shannon's computer that Maharaj gave. That was a big help. I think I was going through withdrawl on hearing Maharaj's classes. I needed to hear him give a class and that helped me to feel better. And I also took up on doing Tulasi Puja this week both morning and evening. Through Tulasi Puja it helps me to feel as if Maharaj himself were personally present in the temple room. I could almost 'see' and 'hear' him there for a split second but I was dedicating Tulasi Puja to him since he likes it when I do Tulasi Puja. But over all i am still having a bit of difficulty in serving my guru while he's away. For me it's hard to function or even breath sometimes without him around becuase he keeps me so inspired. Im really happy Krishna helped me to find a special guru like him. I'd be one lost soul without Maharaj that is for sure. He's gotten me this far. And it is true. One cannot spiritually advance without a bona fide spiritual master.
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