The first thing was about the Los Angeles Temple. Krishna knew I had a desire to go there to stay. One being that Nirantara is there to give classes and I love hearing his classes. Then I had asked Nirantara if he can show me how to play harmonium and he said he would. Krishna had just fullfilled these desires I had. I guess they were small an easy desires for Krishna to fullfill. But my one desire is not entirely fullfilled yet and that is wanting to stay here permanantly in Toronto to serve my guru Maharaj and Tulasi Devi. It is up to Krishna in what He wants me to do. I am simply waiting His reply. In return I believe He is simply waiting to see how much more I surrender to Him. But I am not sure what He wants me to do. I am sure He will let me know soon enough.
Then this past weekend Lord Krishna knew I had a desire in wanting to know more about Deity Worship. So He very kindly had Bhakti Yoga Prabhu one of our local pujaris here give a Deity Worship Seminar class. I will be attending it this weekend. So there is proof that Krishna does fullfill desires. Some desires take longer than others to fullfill probably because I must do something more for Krishna in love and devotion.
But I hope and pray to Lord Krishna that I will love serving Him in the Los Angeles Temple as I had difficulty in New Vrndavan. So far Toronto's temple is the only Hare Krishna Temple I feel most comfortable being at. Maharaj wants me to at least try out Los Angeles for awhile too and apparently so does Krishna. I never though Sri Sri Rukmini Dwarakadish would allow me to do some service for Them. I may have had a desire in the past before moving to New Vrndavan to serve Them but now Krishna has kindly made this arrangement for me to do this.
Just how kind is Krishna? Well He is the Supreme Lord God Himself! He can do anything. There is a verse in the Sri Siksastakam by Lord Chaitanya:
ashlishya va pada-ratam pinashtu mam
adarshanan marma-hatam karotu va
yatha tatha va vidadhatu lampato
mat-prana-nathas tu sa eva naparah
I know no one but Krishna as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He handles me roughly by His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipful Lord unconditionally.
So this is what I believe. It is true that Lord Krishna is my Lord. And it says right there that He is completely free to do anything and everything which is very true. One must be self realized to see this. I have had plenty of realizations to see this which is why I believe in Krishna! He does exist! And He is more kind than anyone in this universe. We may not physically see Him but the only thing we can do is see Him in others or in His Deity form. I also try to meditate on Krishna's childhood pasttimes where He plays with His cowherd boyfriends which I think is adorable. I can just picture how much fun it must be to play with Krishna and be His friend. But He is a friend to all. :)
Krishna is very kind and loving. And He puts us in certain situations to make us realize that we have to depend only on Him alone. I have to keep repeating this to myself often but sometimes my mind refuses to listen. So what to do? Chant more rounds maybe? Read more about His childhood pasttimes? Maya still tries to attack me and it makes me very angry. I want to surrender more to Krishna but Maya is not letting me so Iament about this. :( I even often pray to Tulasi help me feel closer to Krishna because she too can help us become devoted to Krishna.
