Tonight's Aarti at 6:30pm left me stunned again. I stood by Sri Sri Rukmini Dwarakadish the whole entire time and did not move not even an inch. i felt like I was paralayzed or frozen like ice. Krishna really had me glued to that spot by the altar this evening.
This had happened in Toronto as well when I took darshan of the Deities. Krishna's Lotus Petal Eyes left me stunned. So now Sri Sri Rukmini Dwakaradish are doing the same thing to me. I have no idea why. I don't deserve this kind of mercy from Them.
Anyways near the end of the Aarti it felt as if Lord Krishna Himself were looking directly at me....I felt my heart racing and my throat felt a bit choked up. This has not happened to me before unexpectedly like this. At that moment I knew for certain that Krishna is really standing there personally present just as He had in Toronto as well. But this time I felt Him even stronger. People out in the material world would mistake our Deities for being idols but They are NOT idols. They are REAL and They are standing there present before us. But due to the material energy like Srila Prabhupada said, we cannot physically see Them face to face yet because we need spiritual eyes to see Them not material eyes.
I really want to surrender to Krishna a lot more but the question is how when I still have some material desires in me? Im still materially contaminated, and Im still in the mode of passion sometimes. Maybe I need to email Maharaj about this and ask him what this feeling I felt with Krishna is. But I won't forget it. I like being up close to the altar to get a good look at the Deities and sometimes I feel like Im the only one there most of the time alone with the Deities. At times when i am standing there before Them I feel like I don't even exist or feel like Im even standing there.
It's nice to see the Deities especially Krishna Himself who is so beautifully dressed. This is why I love coming to the temple at least there is something beautiful to look at. You don't see this in regular churches. I mean sure regular churches are nice but they don't seem as beautiful as Krishna's Temple.
This week I'll be going out on sankirtan three times. So I will be unable to attend the evening darshan. but tomorrow night I will be able to see Them and tonight too at the last darshan.
