I had a great evening with the Santa Monica harinam. Since this morning I had been feeling much inspiration. I was in the temple early, eager to see Krishna. Then later throughout the day I found that I couldn't stop thinking of Krishna and my guru Maharaj at the same time. So I did feel somewhat of a strong connection between Krishna and my guru Maharaj, which helped to ease the pain of separation from both of Them.
Anyway before I left for the harinam, I hurried into the temple to see Krishna. I needed to see Him. He was looking so beautiful standing there with his beautiful flute decorated with flowers all over Him. Srimate Radharani was gorgeous too. There have been times where I felt a bit choked up when I took darshan of Radha and Krishna. My guru Maharaj told me if I have these exepriences with the Deities to always cherish it because they are supposed to be good feelings and that means my heart is changing. I know my heart is still hard hearted because I had not cried while I was chanting Krishna's Holy Names. Srila Prabhupada said that if we do not feel tears of ecstasy in our eyes then it is to be understood we are still hard hearted. We need to be soft hearted for Krishna to really love and understand Him.
The first half of the harinam, I wanted to chant and I did try to do little dance steps but I am still not good with it yet. But I chanted Krishna's Holy Name loudly. A wave of happiness flowed through me this evening while chanting. Chanting Krishna's Holy Name can make you happy if you chant His name sincerely with love. Some of our devotees danced in totall ecstasy. Bhakta Josh was totally blissed out and was dancing wildly during the whole harinam. I wish I had his energy to dance like that for Krishna.
During the second half of the harinam, I made an attempt at book distribution. No one seemed to stop tonight to ask for a book or take a yellow card. I tried my best for Krishna. I was thinking of Him while trying to distribute books. I am trying desperately to please Him but I don't know if He is pleased with my attempts. Toward the end though I found myself speaking with this one gentleman. He was a nice guy. He said he liked our music. But he is a full fledged Christian a firm believer in Jesus. My guru Maharaj had run into a man just recently before he left for India that this man he ran into was screaming about Lord Jesus. We we often meet people like this. But anyways I happened to come across this man but he was more gentle than the one my guru Maharaj ran into. He was asking me some questions and then he gave his small lecture on Jesus. I listened politely. Toward the end of our discussion, I apologized to the gentleman and asked for forgiveness if I had offended him in anyway. As a Vaisnava we are taught to show all humility to others and show others respect, even if they do not believe in Krishna. This gentleman said to me "You have not offended me at all you showed all humility and I thank you for that." So I am happy I left him with a good impression. I offered this result unto Lord Krishna in hopes that I had pleased Him.
So this is teaching me humility with book distribution. Tolerance I still have to work on though just a bit more. It will come in time with practice.
I was also praying to Lord Krishna tonight though after I got back that I asked for His protection because I still have a fear of people trying to take me away from Krishna. I don't want to leave Lord Krishna ever. I don't care who tries to make me leave Krishna whether it be family or complete strangers. Lord Krishna has given me so many realizations and He is revealing Himself little by little. I want love Him with more love and devotion. I know He will give me tests in the future of how much I truly love Him and how much more I will surrender unto Him. But I am still begging Him for His protection so that I may never leave Him. So this realization tonight after that talk with this gentleman, made me have even more faith in Krishna and makes me even more desperate to see Krishna tomorrow morning during Mangal Aarti. I am so scared of a falldown in Krishna Conciousness. Maybe I should ask Maharaj for some help about it in what I can do to ease that fear of others trying to persuade me to leave the Krishna Conciousness Movement. As far as I know Im locked in with Krishna Conciousness for the rest of my life! And I am quite content with it.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Addicted to Attending Mangal Aarti
Okay I confess. I am addicted to attending Mangal Aarti which begins at 4:30am in the morning sharp. I do feel groggy when I get up at 3am but i don't like to rush to get ready which is why I rise an hour and a half early. Usually after 15 minutes I am more awake and eager to see Krishna first thing in the morning. I normally start chanting my rounds at 3:30am and I can finish half of them before Mangal Aarti. I chant at least 20 rounds now everday. I feel obligated to do that now since my guru Maharaj told me to chant 4 extra rounds if there is any extra time during the day. Today however is Ekadashi so I might chant more than 20 rounds.
Anyways, this morning I felt anxious to see Krishna. My regular time to go in the temple is 4:15am, but this morning I found myself going in at 4am. I had brought my books with me and my ipod to take notes from Prabhupada's lectures after I had finished my rounds. I like to be at Mangal Aarti when the Deity doors open. I hate being even one minute late to Mangal Aarti. I can remember back when I was first living in New Vrndavan or I should say just visiting, I was running a bit late and I woke up so fast took a quick shower, ran back to my room to get dressed and as soon as I was done I heard the conchell go off, and RAN down stairs. I didn't even brush my hair that morning. So this is why I get up at 3am so I don't have to rush.
There have also been times in Toronto I would go to a late night home program with Maharaj and a few others. I was dead tired when we got back to the temple. I remember the one program we went to in Missassauga for a Janmashtami home program i was so exhausted I was close to tears. Maharaj came over to me to see if I was okay and he told me not to cry. He knew I was about ready too because I felt so exhausted and cramped from the crowds of devotees in this tiny temple room in the house. Maharaj told me that I didn't have to attend Mangal Aarti the next morning, and said that I could chant rounds on the way back to the temple for the next morning. but I was so tired I was out like a light in the car. I only slept for two hours after I got back to the temple and still got up for Managal Aarti. I was stubborn about it. I HAD to attend Mangal Aarti.
This morning I woke up at 3am and started chanting my rounds at 3:30am. I was finished with most of them before Mangal Aarti. I was in the temple room at 4am on the dot. The Deities were wearing a beautiful orange outfit this morning Krishna was absolutely stunning! He just keeps looking more and more beautiful every time I see Him every morning. Seeing Krishna first gives me energy through out the day.
The only thing I miss during Mangal Aarti is hearing my guru Maharaj lead the kirtan. His voice is so soothing first thing in the morning. But I just heard on mayapur.tv that he will lead Tulasi Puja Aarti tomorrow. Definately need to tune in for that to see and hear him.
Anyways, this morning I felt anxious to see Krishna. My regular time to go in the temple is 4:15am, but this morning I found myself going in at 4am. I had brought my books with me and my ipod to take notes from Prabhupada's lectures after I had finished my rounds. I like to be at Mangal Aarti when the Deity doors open. I hate being even one minute late to Mangal Aarti. I can remember back when I was first living in New Vrndavan or I should say just visiting, I was running a bit late and I woke up so fast took a quick shower, ran back to my room to get dressed and as soon as I was done I heard the conchell go off, and RAN down stairs. I didn't even brush my hair that morning. So this is why I get up at 3am so I don't have to rush.
There have also been times in Toronto I would go to a late night home program with Maharaj and a few others. I was dead tired when we got back to the temple. I remember the one program we went to in Missassauga for a Janmashtami home program i was so exhausted I was close to tears. Maharaj came over to me to see if I was okay and he told me not to cry. He knew I was about ready too because I felt so exhausted and cramped from the crowds of devotees in this tiny temple room in the house. Maharaj told me that I didn't have to attend Mangal Aarti the next morning, and said that I could chant rounds on the way back to the temple for the next morning. but I was so tired I was out like a light in the car. I only slept for two hours after I got back to the temple and still got up for Managal Aarti. I was stubborn about it. I HAD to attend Mangal Aarti.
This morning I woke up at 3am and started chanting my rounds at 3:30am. I was finished with most of them before Mangal Aarti. I was in the temple room at 4am on the dot. The Deities were wearing a beautiful orange outfit this morning Krishna was absolutely stunning! He just keeps looking more and more beautiful every time I see Him every morning. Seeing Krishna first gives me energy through out the day.
The only thing I miss during Mangal Aarti is hearing my guru Maharaj lead the kirtan. His voice is so soothing first thing in the morning. But I just heard on mayapur.tv that he will lead Tulasi Puja Aarti tomorrow. Definately need to tune in for that to see and hear him.
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