Lately I've been feeling more and more obligated to my guru Maharaj. At times I could almost even "hear" his voice not only in my head but more importantly in my heart. Last night I felt kind of bad because I didn't go to the harinam,but I was so tired from the ArtWalk Harinam that I had to go to bed early. We arrived late the other night at 10pm, and I was exhausted. So I felt that my guru Maharaj would want me to rest the next day after a late night like that so I took it to heart with it.
Today however I feel more rested so there is another harinam tonight in Hollywood which I will go to as I know it would please my guru Maharaj and I can "hear" him say "You should go out on harinam". If anything interesting happens Im sure he would love to hear about it so I will email him if anything interesting comes up.
Maharaj would often encourage us in Toronto to go out more. Here it's a bit easier due to regular programs they have here harinams every week, programs every week, and Bhagavad Gita classes every night except for Tuesday night as they have a maha mantra kirtans.
Hopefully I can talk with the temple president about book distribution. It's mostly the men who go out on book distribution daily here I never hear or see any women doing it. My guru Maharaj says I don't have to worry so much about book distribution and to focus more on assisting devotees, but he also said if I can do more service then go for it, and book distribution is one of them. They have a Vaisnavi program for women here but it doesn't involve book distribution, and I can never go to it anyway because it's in the morning when I have service to do in the kitchen.
Friday Feb. 4th there will be a sankirtan seminar class at 10am. I might ask the prabhus in charge of the kitchen if I can go to it and then later on that day there is a group book distribution at 1pm which I plan to attend if Krishna will let me.
All these things keep popping up in my head and that is why Im feeling so much more obligated to my guru Maharaj in wanting to keep on pleasing him and Srila Prabhupada. Srila Prabhupada said that if we really want to please him distribute books. Also I feel like I'm still stuck on the same spiritual platform and Srila Prabhupada said that is not good because one could falldown. So I am trying to push myself just a little bit more with service. Getting out is one major step for me which is why I tell myself to go to harinams just to get out and get used to being around alot of people.
There is also a qoute that I read by Srila Prabhupada. I still have a hard time dealing with this qoute though and understanding it. Srila Prabhupada says "If we feel separation from Krishna and the spiritaul master then we should just try to remember their words of instructions, and then we will no longer feel separation. Such association with Krishna and the spiritual master should be by vibration, not by physical presence. We should give more stress on sound vibration of Krishna and the spiritual master then we will feel happy and won't feel separation."
But at least lately I try to "hear" Maharaj speak to me through my heart. It's still a challenge at times but then other times when something familiar comes up or if it's something I know that would please Maharaj that's when I can almost "hear" his instructions." It's just that I am so used to seeing my guru Maharaj almost all the time, and I miss him alot as a result and I still do. It may take me years to get used to being quite a distance away from my guru Maharaj. I have to keep reminding myself that I may be 3,000 miles away from my guru Maharaj but I am still under his protective wing and always will be for life which is another reason to feel more obligated to him. I hope I will be able to "hear" his instructions through my heart in the months coming up.
