This morning I am battling the feelings separation from my guru Maharaj. I knew I'd struggle a bit with this. I know everyone keeps telling me that he is always with me but, it's just that I miss serving him directly and hearing his lectures in person, and Im so used to seeing him all the time. This morning I kept wanting to see him come in for mangal aarti and hear him lead kirtan, but I had to remind myself that i am not in toronto but in los angeles. I still feel more at home in Toronto than I do here at the present moment.
I am following his instructions and trying to get myself to realize that I can feel Maharaj's presence through his instructions but it's still hard. Prabhupada had felt separation from his guru maharaj too when I read about him in the biography about Prabhupada. So it is only normal for a devotee to feel that way. I was almost in tears this morning due to the feelings of separation.
They say serving guru in separation is the highest service one can do for guru and krishna. that for me is a tough challenge. I have a bit of trouble adjusting in new places like this one. But I think today will better as I will find out what my new services are. I will be going into the pujari room at 3pm today so I will be doing some direct seva for the Deities. Hopefully they will have a lot for me to do to keep busy. I told the temple president again that my guru Maharaj wants me to do 6 hours of service so they will see how it goes. And it also depends on how much they have for me to do in the kitchen as I was in there for three hours yesterday. As soon as I know what I will be doing in the pujari room I can email Maharaj my seva schedule. As for Tulasi I will have to wait until spring time to help with her. But at least they said I can help with her later. I just have to learn to be patient with that one even though I feel impatient about wanting to serve Tulasi now.
Well Im off to the kitchen to do some service. Im going to chant some extra rounds today too when I can to fight off the feelings of separation from my guru Maharaj. This is going to take sometime for me to get used to.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
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