I hate feeling contaminated. And its not just the physical part being contaminated it's mentally as well. Srila Prabhupada has said "Cleanliness is next to Godliness." I have a hard time with this one. Srila Prabhupada said that we not only have to be clean externally but interally too.
Today I had taken three showers, and yet I still don't feel very clean so that proves that Srila Prabhupada is right. You have to be clean internally. The mind can be one's greatest enemy if it is not practicing Krishna Conciousness to bring it under control. Krishna says the senses are very strong and it is difficult to control the mind especially in this age of Kali the age of quarrel and confusion.
Thank goodness Srila Prabhupada saved us and brought us the Bhagavad Gita As It Is to help us feel internally "clean"
Even when I go out to go to the store to buy necessities, I feel contaminated when I come back to the temple because the temple is so clean and I'm not clean because of the pollution in the air from car pipes, and people smoking and items handled by karmis.
My other reasons I don't feel clean is because my being in anxiety about alot of things. My guru Maharaj says I worry too much. He's right about that. He had chastised me plenty of times about being anxiety and it was for my own good as he said he does't want me getting sick from it which was very kind of him to say. That proves he really does care for others.I hope Krishna will help me get rid of my personal anxiety. If I have any anxiety I want it to be for Krishna like the Gopis. They were always in anxiety for Krishna when He was not personally present before them.
My goal is to try to chant Krishna's Holy Names with a bit more sincerity so that my soul can clean out the dirt and clutter and also cut the branches of material desires. I want to develop spontaneous loving service to the Lord. But as my guru Maharaj had instructed me, he said for me to be patient and the time will come for that ecstatic loving service. But how long will I have to wait???? Feels like forever that I have to wait to get that feeling for Krishna.
Lord Jagannatha though has been helping me lately. He has been keeping me engaged in His loving service by allowing me to make flower garlands for Him. I have felt that Lord Jagannatha is purifying my heart and soul because whenever I do service for Him I feel blissful and want to do more for Him. I have felt His reciprocation and now I am feeling some great attachment to Him. So this is helping me a bit to feel "internally clean."
Today is harinam. Hopefully I can feel somewhat clean going out with devotees on harinam to chant Krishna's Holy Names to the other fallen souls out there.
