When Will I Actually Listen to Krsna?

Lately I have been experiencing Krsna testing me. Krsna keeps giving me the same challenge all the time and I fail it every time. There is this level that I cannot pass. It is like a video game. The first levels are easy but as you go along, the levels get harder up to the end usually the last level is the hardest to beat. So similiarly, spiritual life is like that. The real test is at the time of death but in the mean time Krsna throws at us challenges in our life time, and makes us pass a certain level.

I am stuck on this one level. I can't seem to pass it no matter how many times Krsna gives it to me. I feel totally guilty about it. Krsna never gives us a challenge we can't handle. But this challenge He is giving me seems totally impossible for me to pass. Living in a community all the time is a challenge. There will be ups and downs and it's really hard on me. Srila Prabhupada disciples here in New Dwaraka have been giving advice but when I face this challenge I can't remember any of their teachings. Another guilty thing I have with that.

So I am beginning to wonder if my mind will ever listen to Krsna or His devotees that instruct me? Today devotees were asking me to bless them but at this stage I am in NO position to give  blessings. If anything I need theirs!  They have been in this movement longer than I have. I've only been in this movement for four and a half years nearly five. It is a learning experience, and I have always been very slow at learning things, I might have some kind of learning disability without evenknowing it. I try to fight that too. I've been associating with Om Kara Devi Dasi Mataji and Jaga Mataji,and Tadit Mataji. They have been a great help to me and Svavas Prabhu too. While not having Maharaj's direct association they have been encouraging me when I need it like he has. I try to remember what Maharaj said about always having problems and finding solutions. At times though when I am in anxiety it is hard to remember them.

I should inquire to Maharaj again and if I speak to Svavas Prabhu about how to get rid of these anxiety feelings that I have about service and focuse more on Krsna. It isn't fair Im suffering from anxiety like this. I'd rather have anxiety for Krsna not about how my service should be done for Him.

But the main question is when will I actually listen to Krsna????????