Obstacles In Devotional Service Again

Krishna is testing me again. Lately I've had a few obstacles in devotional service.

These last few days I fell ill. It was this past thursday I was feeling sick. I was getting hot and cold flashes, and didn't feel like eating much. I ate very light those past few days. And i still do today too because my cough hurts my stomach too sometimes. I still went to Mangal Aarti even though I was sick. If I hadn't gone to mangal aarti, I would have been very upset with myself. I HATE missing out on Mangal Aarti. I consider it a great loss if I don't see Krishna first thing in the morning and then I'd feel like my whole day is spoiled if I don't see Him. But anyways that Thursday morning my guru Maharaj was going to leave for Miami Florida. I could only stand up for a few minutes  but went to go sit down as I was feeling dizzy and my stomach was feeling nauseous. After the kirtan was over, Maharaj came over to check on me. He's so kind to me that at times I feel like I want to cry. Im so grateful to Krishna that He allowed me to surrender to my guru Maharaj who is so gentle and kind and very merciful. Maharaj advised me to dress warm and not to be in too much anxiety. He thought maybe I had a slight fever but I told him my temperature was normal. I found out a few days later that I have a sore throat. which was the cause of what I was feeling. Despite the cold I caught though,, I still tried to do my service to the best I could. It's the only way I can teach myself tolerance sometimes. I HAD to take care of Tulasi because She is a pure devotee. I tried doing a little kitchen service but when I felt I couldn't do anymore I had to stop. Even on Radhamashtami I had health problems due to my bad back. I tried doing service but apparently Srimate Radharani wanted me to rest and she let me know it by showing me that there were plenty of devotees in the kitchen helping. So I did what I could. Maharaj told me to take it easy this weekend while he's away.

Then also these last few days I as I was trying to do my serivce, I felt overwhelmed with service again. This one bramharchari is always asking for help every five minutes. And also whenever this bramharchari is in the kitchen I feel like I can never get anything done because he always needs the space that i am in and it doesn't matter when I try to do something else in the kitchen he still needs even that spot that I am working in every five minutes.  I had to tell Mahavendra Puri about this problem because he is authority. He told me not to worry about it. So all I can do is keep telling this brahmarchari no I cannot do it. I've had this problem in New Vrndavan too witb being overloaded with service or devotees telling me how to do things this way or that way. I just can't handle that. Because if more than one person tells me how to do something or tells me to do something I won't know who to listen to. So I've been trying to train myself to be firm when things like this come up but I still have to be humble about it at the same time which is  the hard part. These are some of the things I need to work on.

And also I need to overcome my fear of being in crowds too. I've been trying to get myself to go the Sunday evening programs here to try to get used to it. I just don't like it when people push and shove into one another and I don't like it when it comes to the point where it's so crowded that you cannot move.  These things also interrupt my devotional service when I want to be at the Aartis on Sunday as devotional service to the Deities. I hope Krishna will help me to overcome these fears if I gradually work at it.