Sunday, June 19, 2011

Sunday Program/My Feelings for Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha


Wow what a Sunday program. I didn't go to the one last weekend as I had just gotten back to Toronto and felt very tired from a long trip and trying to get back in at the border. I went to the Sunday program tonight. It was very crowded. The guests are still here and it's 8:45pm. But somehow or other I tried to get to the front. It was hard at the 6pm Aarti as there were alot more guests. There was a bit of pushing and shoving but I did my best to tolerate it. I was grateful I didn't have anyone too tall in front of me so that I can see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. The Deities are looking more and more beautiful each time I see Them. And more and more I am falling in love with Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha.

This morning during Mangal Aarti, I noticed that Lord Krishna had a sweet smile on His face. And even Srimate Radharani too. It brought a smile to my own face. In the morning five minutes before the doors open, I always get anxious to see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha, sometimes I get very impatient because I am desparate to see Them. It's probably becuase I get the fear that I may not get to see Them again after I get back to the United States and I am trying to relish every moment being with Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha.

At the 8pm Aarti I did managed to get up front this time. It was much better and not as much pushing or shoving around. And I love the part near the end of the Aarti when the Pujaris hand out the flowers and fruits from the altar. It felt like being at the end of the concert where some musicians do hand out free stuff to the crowd in the front. Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha were merciful again to me. They let me have one of Their apples from Their altar. Not sure which one I got if it was Krishna's or Radha's but either way I felt very very fortunate that They were so merciful.

Lately, every time I do go to Aartis to see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha I feel so peaceful. No stress, no anxiety, no negativity even exist. I just feel so relaxed being with Them. Everytime I see Lord Krishna's Lotus Feet and Lotus Eyes, I feel as though all material desires, feelings of being pressured, lamentation, negativity and everything else just vanishes. I can't understand why I couldn't feel this way in New Vrndavan. That saddens me in a way that I couldn't feel the same there. Maybe one day again I'll get the same feelings there as I do here in Toronto. But for now I'm just so attached to Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. I found an old photo of Them in the gift shop that was only 25 cents or something like that. It's a really pretty photo of Them. Im going to try to get as many pics of Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha before I go back the United States in December so that I can alway see Them and feel peaceful when I see Their Lotus Faces. Even my shyness also goes away when I see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. Now Im trying to get the courage to try and sing for them in the evening during the last Aarti or something like that. Eventually it will happen. I just need to learn how to play that harmonium so that I can sing better that way. For now i'll just have to use kartals. :)

There's just no question about it. Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha are my favorite Deities and always will be forever in my life. They mean the world to me now and They send light in my life when things get dark. I'll have to take breaks during service tomorrow to go to the Aartis to see Them. I feel I need to see Them every moment and that way maya can't attack me. Maya can just go away and go bug someone else! :D




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