Krishna certainly put me to the test today. This morning during my morning service in the kitchen I came up with this wild idea in my head and thought "I want to try some MORE book distribution but by myself." Being on harinam with book distribution was only training wheels for me. I felt I needed more of a challenge. So I got some advice from sankirtan devotees here in New Dwaraka then headed out this afternoon.
But before my service in the pujari room this afternoon, I went into the temple to pray to Srila Prabhupada and Krishna for mercy and blessings with this. After I had finished offering my prayer to Krishna one of His flowers fell off from Him. I took it as confirmation that Krsna was pleased and wanted me to go out today. So I went out at 1pm today.
I walked up and down Venice BLVD. As I did this I handed out yellow invitation cards to people as they walked by. The majority of the people took them and I must have handed out over 30-50 cards today. I tried to speak to a few people. Many were very friendly and some were inquisitive. I made my way all the way to Grandview BLVD. I noticed there was a mini flea bizarre there today so I decided to hang out there. I noticed that there was a store called Floyd's Barber shop next to the flea bizarre. And also they had a picture of the Beatles inside so I stood near by that store so that I could see George Harrison's picture in there to get even more inspiration.
I handed out more cards to people and tried to speak to them. Many were nice some not so favorable but were still polite Finally after about an half an hour one couple stopped to look at the books I had. They chose the Perfection of Yoga and made a donation of $1.00. Then there was a group of three young men who I stopped to talk to and show them the books. They couldn't make a donation but gladly took the invitation cards. Then I also saw someone with a Beatles t shirt and showed them a Chant and Be Happy book. He couldn't make a donation either but took a card.
I headed back to the temple around 3:15pm. I still handed out more cards on the way back. Im going to hopefully try this again tomorrow.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Not Feeling "Clean"
I hate feeling contaminated. And its not just the physical part being contaminated it's mentally as well. Srila Prabhupada has said "Cleanliness is next to Godliness." I have a hard time with this one. Srila Prabhupada said that we not only have to be clean externally but interally too.
Today I had taken three showers, and yet I still don't feel very clean so that proves that Srila Prabhupada is right. You have to be clean internally. The mind can be one's greatest enemy if it is not practicing Krishna Conciousness to bring it under control. Krishna says the senses are very strong and it is difficult to control the mind especially in this age of Kali the age of quarrel and confusion.
Thank goodness Srila Prabhupada saved us and brought us the Bhagavad Gita As It Is to help us feel internally "clean"
Even when I go out to go to the store to buy necessities, I feel contaminated when I come back to the temple because the temple is so clean and I'm not clean because of the pollution in the air from car pipes, and people smoking and items handled by karmis.
My other reasons I don't feel clean is because my being in anxiety about alot of things. My guru Maharaj says I worry too much. He's right about that. He had chastised me plenty of times about being anxiety and it was for my own good as he said he does't want me getting sick from it which was very kind of him to say. That proves he really does care for others.I hope Krishna will help me get rid of my personal anxiety. If I have any anxiety I want it to be for Krishna like the Gopis. They were always in anxiety for Krishna when He was not personally present before them.
My goal is to try to chant Krishna's Holy Names with a bit more sincerity so that my soul can clean out the dirt and clutter and also cut the branches of material desires. I want to develop spontaneous loving service to the Lord. But as my guru Maharaj had instructed me, he said for me to be patient and the time will come for that ecstatic loving service. But how long will I have to wait???? Feels like forever that I have to wait to get that feeling for Krishna.
Lord Jagannatha though has been helping me lately. He has been keeping me engaged in His loving service by allowing me to make flower garlands for Him. I have felt that Lord Jagannatha is purifying my heart and soul because whenever I do service for Him I feel blissful and want to do more for Him. I have felt His reciprocation and now I am feeling some great attachment to Him. So this is helping me a bit to feel "internally clean."
Today is harinam. Hopefully I can feel somewhat clean going out with devotees on harinam to chant Krishna's Holy Names to the other fallen souls out there.
Today I had taken three showers, and yet I still don't feel very clean so that proves that Srila Prabhupada is right. You have to be clean internally. The mind can be one's greatest enemy if it is not practicing Krishna Conciousness to bring it under control. Krishna says the senses are very strong and it is difficult to control the mind especially in this age of Kali the age of quarrel and confusion.
Thank goodness Srila Prabhupada saved us and brought us the Bhagavad Gita As It Is to help us feel internally "clean"
Even when I go out to go to the store to buy necessities, I feel contaminated when I come back to the temple because the temple is so clean and I'm not clean because of the pollution in the air from car pipes, and people smoking and items handled by karmis.
My other reasons I don't feel clean is because my being in anxiety about alot of things. My guru Maharaj says I worry too much. He's right about that. He had chastised me plenty of times about being anxiety and it was for my own good as he said he does't want me getting sick from it which was very kind of him to say. That proves he really does care for others.I hope Krishna will help me get rid of my personal anxiety. If I have any anxiety I want it to be for Krishna like the Gopis. They were always in anxiety for Krishna when He was not personally present before them.
My goal is to try to chant Krishna's Holy Names with a bit more sincerity so that my soul can clean out the dirt and clutter and also cut the branches of material desires. I want to develop spontaneous loving service to the Lord. But as my guru Maharaj had instructed me, he said for me to be patient and the time will come for that ecstatic loving service. But how long will I have to wait???? Feels like forever that I have to wait to get that feeling for Krishna.
Lord Jagannatha though has been helping me lately. He has been keeping me engaged in His loving service by allowing me to make flower garlands for Him. I have felt that Lord Jagannatha is purifying my heart and soul because whenever I do service for Him I feel blissful and want to do more for Him. I have felt His reciprocation and now I am feeling some great attachment to Him. So this is helping me a bit to feel "internally clean."
Today is harinam. Hopefully I can feel somewhat clean going out with devotees on harinam to chant Krishna's Holy Names to the other fallen souls out there.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Why Are They (The Beatles)Back In My Life Again?
Okay why are they back in my life again? I haven't listened to any Beatles songs for months possibly a year. Maybe I guess because I wanted to remember how and why I came to Krishna Conciousness. I went onto youtube this morning and found all of the Beatles music on there. So I am now downloading them to .my computer to upload to my ipod.
Now just because I am going to listen to their music again does not mean I will become overly obssessed with them like I used to. I don't listen to the Beatles as much anymore due to being Krishna Concious and I'd much rather prefer to hear the Holy Names. It's the same with George's music too. I only listen to him once in awhile not all the time.
I think maybe if I listen to the Beatles once in awhile it may boost my spiritual lif e a bit and remember how I came to Krishna Conciousness and how enthusiastic I was in the beginning. Don't get me wrong Im still enthusiastiac but sometimes I struggle in KC and if I need something to put me in a better mood I guess listening to my favorite band The Beatles might help put me in a better mood. Their songs do put a smile my face. But I do feel funny and I feel strange to be listening to them again since I've been living in the temple.
I have to thank George Harrison though. He was the whole main reason why I surrendered to Krishna. Whenever I see or hear George, I immediately think of Krishna at the same time. So in turn I have to thank Paul for finding George and telling him to join the Beatles back in those early days. I think that is why Paul is my second favorite for bringing George to the Beatles and even after the break up George became very spiritual and religious. That had inspired me the most.
Now just because I am going to listen to their music again does not mean I will become overly obssessed with them like I used to. I don't listen to the Beatles as much anymore due to being Krishna Concious and I'd much rather prefer to hear the Holy Names. It's the same with George's music too. I only listen to him once in awhile not all the time.
I think maybe if I listen to the Beatles once in awhile it may boost my spiritual lif e a bit and remember how I came to Krishna Conciousness and how enthusiastic I was in the beginning. Don't get me wrong Im still enthusiastiac but sometimes I struggle in KC and if I need something to put me in a better mood I guess listening to my favorite band The Beatles might help put me in a better mood. Their songs do put a smile my face. But I do feel funny and I feel strange to be listening to them again since I've been living in the temple.
I have to thank George Harrison though. He was the whole main reason why I surrendered to Krishna. Whenever I see or hear George, I immediately think of Krishna at the same time. So in turn I have to thank Paul for finding George and telling him to join the Beatles back in those early days. I think that is why Paul is my second favorite for bringing George to the Beatles and even after the break up George became very spiritual and religious. That had inspired me the most.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
When Will I Actually Listen to Krsna?
Lately I have been experiencing Krsna testing me. Krsna keeps giving me the same challenge all the time and I fail it every time. There is this level that I cannot pass. It is like a video game. The first levels are easy but as you go along, the levels get harder up to the end usually the last level is the hardest to beat. So similiarly, spiritual life is like that. The real test is at the time of death but in the mean time Krsna throws at us challenges in our life time, and makes us pass a certain level.
I am stuck on this one level. I can't seem to pass it no matter how many times Krsna gives it to me. I feel totally guilty about it. Krsna never gives us a challenge we can't handle. But this challenge He is giving me seems totally impossible for me to pass. Living in a community all the time is a challenge. There will be ups and downs and it's really hard on me. Srila Prabhupada disciples here in New Dwaraka have been giving advice but when I face this challenge I can't remember any of their teachings. Another guilty thing I have with that.
So I am beginning to wonder if my mind will ever listen to Krsna or His devotees that instruct me? Today devotees were asking me to bless them but at this stage I am in NO position to give blessings. If anything I need theirs! They have been in this movement longer than I have. I've only been in this movement for four and a half years nearly five. It is a learning experience, and I have always been very slow at learning things, I might have some kind of learning disability without evenknowing it. I try to fight that too. I've been associating with Om Kara Devi Dasi Mataji and Jaga Mataji,and Tadit Mataji. They have been a great help to me and Svavas Prabhu too. While not having Maharaj's direct association they have been encouraging me when I need it like he has. I try to remember what Maharaj said about always having problems and finding solutions. At times though when I am in anxiety it is hard to remember them.
I should inquire to Maharaj again and if I speak to Svavas Prabhu about how to get rid of these anxiety feelings that I have about service and focuse more on Krsna. It isn't fair Im suffering from anxiety like this. I'd rather have anxiety for Krsna not about how my service should be done for Him.
But the main question is when will I actually listen to Krsna????????
I am stuck on this one level. I can't seem to pass it no matter how many times Krsna gives it to me. I feel totally guilty about it. Krsna never gives us a challenge we can't handle. But this challenge He is giving me seems totally impossible for me to pass. Living in a community all the time is a challenge. There will be ups and downs and it's really hard on me. Srila Prabhupada disciples here in New Dwaraka have been giving advice but when I face this challenge I can't remember any of their teachings. Another guilty thing I have with that.
So I am beginning to wonder if my mind will ever listen to Krsna or His devotees that instruct me? Today devotees were asking me to bless them but at this stage I am in NO position to give blessings. If anything I need theirs! They have been in this movement longer than I have. I've only been in this movement for four and a half years nearly five. It is a learning experience, and I have always been very slow at learning things, I might have some kind of learning disability without evenknowing it. I try to fight that too. I've been associating with Om Kara Devi Dasi Mataji and Jaga Mataji,and Tadit Mataji. They have been a great help to me and Svavas Prabhu too. While not having Maharaj's direct association they have been encouraging me when I need it like he has. I try to remember what Maharaj said about always having problems and finding solutions. At times though when I am in anxiety it is hard to remember them.
I should inquire to Maharaj again and if I speak to Svavas Prabhu about how to get rid of these anxiety feelings that I have about service and focuse more on Krsna. It isn't fair Im suffering from anxiety like this. I'd rather have anxiety for Krsna not about how my service should be done for Him.
But the main question is when will I actually listen to Krsna????????
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Developing A Passion For Bike Riding
Okay I confess. Im a cyclist or bike rider another words. I don't think Im much of a walker like my guru Maharaj is. I like walking sure, but somehow or other I feel that I am using my bike more than I am walking.
Last Tuesday I went on an hour and a half bike ride. I rode from Venice BLVD to La Cienaga, then to Pico BLVD, to Overland Avnue and back to Venice. I discovered that most of the streets around here are all connected to each other so I did a HUGE around the block bike trail. Pico BLVD took me the longest however to get to Overland Avenue. But that was okay. It was a nice day and enjoyed the breeze.
Today I rode my bike past the freeway to get to the library on Venice. There is one on Inglewood Avenue in Mar Vista Suburb. My computer isn't working and is being fixed so I came to the library to use the computer. I have missed going to the library.
Anyways I don't know where this passion of mine for bike riding came from all of a sudden. I go out on my bike when I can sometimes after service Im so tired I don't go out but when I feel energized I hop on my bike and go for a spin.
But deep in my heart I wish I could be like my guru maharaj with his walking. I like to walk but I start hurting after an hour of walking. Bike riding I could go for two hours without hurting.
However on my guru Maharaj's blog post awhile back I read that he approves of Cyclists or bike riders. It is because you can see the person and they are getting good exercise. So I am happy Maharaj approves of bike riding.
If and when I go back to Toronto maybe I can save up for a bike to ride around Toronto. Walmart is pretty good with prices on bikes. I wish I could take my grandpa's old bike with me to Toronto but I can't. So I am trying to use it now as much as possible before heading back to Toronto.
Last Tuesday I went on an hour and a half bike ride. I rode from Venice BLVD to La Cienaga, then to Pico BLVD, to Overland Avnue and back to Venice. I discovered that most of the streets around here are all connected to each other so I did a HUGE around the block bike trail. Pico BLVD took me the longest however to get to Overland Avenue. But that was okay. It was a nice day and enjoyed the breeze.
Today I rode my bike past the freeway to get to the library on Venice. There is one on Inglewood Avenue in Mar Vista Suburb. My computer isn't working and is being fixed so I came to the library to use the computer. I have missed going to the library.
Anyways I don't know where this passion of mine for bike riding came from all of a sudden. I go out on my bike when I can sometimes after service Im so tired I don't go out but when I feel energized I hop on my bike and go for a spin.
But deep in my heart I wish I could be like my guru maharaj with his walking. I like to walk but I start hurting after an hour of walking. Bike riding I could go for two hours without hurting.
However on my guru Maharaj's blog post awhile back I read that he approves of Cyclists or bike riders. It is because you can see the person and they are getting good exercise. So I am happy Maharaj approves of bike riding.
If and when I go back to Toronto maybe I can save up for a bike to ride around Toronto. Walmart is pretty good with prices on bikes. I wish I could take my grandpa's old bike with me to Toronto but I can't. So I am trying to use it now as much as possible before heading back to Toronto.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Lord Jagannatha's Mercy
Lord Jagannatha had been extremely kind and merciful to me. He is allowing me to make more flower garlands for Him. Today I had to make three sets of garlands for Him. They took me about 2 hours to do. I make the small Lord Jagannatha garlands that They wear during Mangal Aarti and today I made the big Lord Jagannatha Deities' garlands for tomorrow.
I am such a fallen soul, and yet He is still being so merciful. It is a great priveledge and honor to do this service for Lord Jagannatha. Any service to the Lord should be gladly accepted. When I told my guru Maharaj that i was making Lord Jagannatha flower garlands he was very much pleased. So I am very happy to be able to render some service to Lord Jagannatha.
When they dress Lord Jagannatha here in New Dwaraka sometimes they have Lord Balaram have His plow and club with Him. I always like seeing Him with His transcendental weapons. Lady Subadra also looks very beautiful when the pujaris put flowers around Her head or sparkly jewels. And Lord Jagannatha Himself of course is always beautiful because of His blackish complexion. These Lord Jagannatha Deities here are very big and whenever I look at Lord Jagannatha I can actually feel Him looking right through my very heart and soul. Tonight as I looked at Lord Balaram, I felt Him smiling at me. He knows that I have somewhat of an attachement to Him. I love Lord Balaram. He's awesome. :)
I've been wanting my own set of Lord Jagannatha Deities. They sell them here in the local gift shop for $30.00 but I have to save up a bit and get them outfits too. I hope They will be merciful and allow me to have Them. I currently have a Lord Nrsimahadeva deity and Gaura Nitai Deities. I may have my own Deities but I do not neglect the big Deities in the temple. They are so beautiful to look at and I often go to as many Aartis as possible.
So I am feeling myself becoming attached to Lord Jagannatha because of His loving mercy. After all He is the Lord of the Universe.
I am such a fallen soul, and yet He is still being so merciful. It is a great priveledge and honor to do this service for Lord Jagannatha. Any service to the Lord should be gladly accepted. When I told my guru Maharaj that i was making Lord Jagannatha flower garlands he was very much pleased. So I am very happy to be able to render some service to Lord Jagannatha.
When they dress Lord Jagannatha here in New Dwaraka sometimes they have Lord Balaram have His plow and club with Him. I always like seeing Him with His transcendental weapons. Lady Subadra also looks very beautiful when the pujaris put flowers around Her head or sparkly jewels. And Lord Jagannatha Himself of course is always beautiful because of His blackish complexion. These Lord Jagannatha Deities here are very big and whenever I look at Lord Jagannatha I can actually feel Him looking right through my very heart and soul. Tonight as I looked at Lord Balaram, I felt Him smiling at me. He knows that I have somewhat of an attachement to Him. I love Lord Balaram. He's awesome. :)
I've been wanting my own set of Lord Jagannatha Deities. They sell them here in the local gift shop for $30.00 but I have to save up a bit and get them outfits too. I hope They will be merciful and allow me to have Them. I currently have a Lord Nrsimahadeva deity and Gaura Nitai Deities. I may have my own Deities but I do not neglect the big Deities in the temple. They are so beautiful to look at and I often go to as many Aartis as possible.
So I am feeling myself becoming attached to Lord Jagannatha because of His loving mercy. After all He is the Lord of the Universe.
Lord Krsna Pacified Me This Morning
Here is another realization in Krsna Conciousness. Last night I came across a nasty post on one of Iskcon's websites that have a list of gurus. However I was FURIOUS at the one post. I will not discuss it in detail because I will just go ranting on and on. If you really want to know the details of this post please email me simplyshadygirl@yahoo.com and I will discuss it with you in an email. It was extremely offensive and I want this particular website I found shut down forever. There is always one person who has to ruin things for everybody. The internet is just bad news now a days. No one posts anything positive anymore. They only want negativity just to get attention. Doesn't anyone want to believe in saying something nice or positive about someone anymore? Why must everyone have something negative to say about someone ESPECIALLY if they do not even know the person and just speculate about them.
But this morning I was still FUMING over the post. I felt like Lord Nrsimahadeva wanting to rip something apart total anger. This post I had found on that website was a MAJOR offense agains a dear most exalted devotee that I know very well, and that I am very close with. And I just blew up early this morning and left my angry comment on that particular post. I had lost my temper big time. I was still fuming over this post during the second part of the morning program and before breakfast. I almost didn't go to breakfast and I almost had decided not to go to harinam because I was so upset about that post on that website that made me so angry. Im still sort of not in any mood to do anything because of that post.
However something told me to go to breakfast this morning. It was Krsna Himself. He had sent this very nice mataji named Bhaktin Peggy. She gave me a small white envelope and said there were photos of my dearest guru Maharaj in them. I had then felt my heart soften immediately and I felt pacified by Lord Krsna. I gave Bhaktin Peggy a hug and thanked her for the photos and that it really meant a lot to me. I feel it was Lord Krsna reciprocating with me because He knew how angry I was over the internet post about His exalted devotee.
But this morning I was still FUMING over the post. I felt like Lord Nrsimahadeva wanting to rip something apart total anger. This post I had found on that website was a MAJOR offense agains a dear most exalted devotee that I know very well, and that I am very close with. And I just blew up early this morning and left my angry comment on that particular post. I had lost my temper big time. I was still fuming over this post during the second part of the morning program and before breakfast. I almost didn't go to breakfast and I almost had decided not to go to harinam because I was so upset about that post on that website that made me so angry. Im still sort of not in any mood to do anything because of that post.
However something told me to go to breakfast this morning. It was Krsna Himself. He had sent this very nice mataji named Bhaktin Peggy. She gave me a small white envelope and said there were photos of my dearest guru Maharaj in them. I had then felt my heart soften immediately and I felt pacified by Lord Krsna. I gave Bhaktin Peggy a hug and thanked her for the photos and that it really meant a lot to me. I feel it was Lord Krsna reciprocating with me because He knew how angry I was over the internet post about His exalted devotee.
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