Nearing the end of my stay in Toronto

Well it's nearing the end of my stay here in Toronto. I am feeling pretty upset about it as I don't want to leave it but I know I must to visit family in California and take care of issues back in New Vrndavan. Having Maharaj leave for India was hard enough and now it's going to feel like a double whammy for me leaving this temple.

I have exactly two weeks left, and I'm going to do my best to make the the best of it. I definately will have to relish all the service Maharaj gave to me personally and make sure it gets done without fail. Today I pretty much did service for four or more hours straight, and then took my hour walk at 3pm the normal time. I walked down Avenue Road and made a left at Bloor Street and made my way down Cumberland Street where something was going on. There was a radio station there playing karmi music of course. I also saw ice sculptures up and down the streets. I thought it's too bad they don't have one of Krishna or even Lord Nrsimahadeva. So I just continued on my way heading back to the temple. I am trying my best to get to know Toronto really well before I do make a final move here.

Lately I've been watching Mayapur's webcam hoping to catch glimpses of Maharaj which I do nearly every night. I only see him during Tulasi Puja and announcements. During the announcements I heard him speak about his drama plays that are coming up. A Mataji told me that Maharaj's plays will be recorded and saved on Mayapur's website which I am happy so that I do not miss out on it. So far it looks like Maharaj is doing well there, but sometimes when I go to read his blog he sounds like he's exhausted. I do get concerned about him doing too much all at once.

Didn't really have any realizations today, only when I was doing my service, I saw that Govinda's restaurant needed tiding up so I went in there and did it myself. All the tables and chairs had to be put back in order, and knowing that Maharaj would have wanted it done, I pounced on that service like a kitten would chasing after a ball with a bell in it, trying to think that Maharaj was still in the building and not in Mayapur. That's what I try to do now is pounce on  temple service like a kitten chasing after his toy seeing that I still love cats lol. :D

Well we'll see how these last two weeks will go. Association here with the devotees is really great, as my guru Maharaj instructed me to get along with the devotees here which I have no problem with at all. All the devotees here are very friendly and kind and always greet one another with smiles on their faces or even hugs, and of course pranams and obeisances. Another good reason to come back up here, is because the devotees here are so very friendly and open.

Childeren's Krishna Karthamrtam And A Wedding

This Saturday we had a very busy program. Young childeren from the ages 6-11 are speaking about Krishna. To me these are not ordinary childeren. Why do I say this? Well how many childeren in this material world do you hear speak about spiritual topics about Krishna, let alone actually hear them say prayers and verses in an ancient language called sanksrit? These childeren could be fallen demigods. They are so forunate in their young life to speak about Krishna, because they may spiritually advance in this life at a young age, or go back home back to Godhead at the end of their life in this life time.

I was an unfortunate soul at those childeren's ages. I never got to know or hear about Krishna. But I learned about Jesus when I was young. I felt that I didn't get enough information about Jesus and His life.  I still believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for our sins to spread God's message. Therefore in my humble opinion that would make Lord Jesus God's representative, a spiritual master. Jesus said Himself that He is the Son of God.

These young childeren who spoke about Krishna can inspire adults who are still materially covered by maya(illusion), and who cannot see that we are spirit souls, and are originally Krishna Concious.  I still have difficulty with it myself but it is getting better everyday as I had been getting some realizations to help me realize that.

Also today there was a very small wedding in the temple room this morning. I do not know the young couple but I wish them the best in their newly married life.

Krishna Really is Everywhere

I just came back from my afternoon daily walk. My spiritual master left me strict instructions to go walking for an hour everyday. So I've been doing my best by following his instructions. Although in the beginning of my walk I had a bit of trouble, due to lower back problems. I was in pain with it this morning but the pain calmed down a bit by the time I went out for my walk.

Today I walked down Avenur Road and then made a left on Bloor Street. The next thing I knew I found myself inside a mall called The Bay Company I think. It reminded me of Parmatown Mall back home in Cleveland Ohio. So I decided to take a stroll in there. Back home at my hometown mall people walk around the mall for exercise they don't shop, so I did the same. But as I was walking I saw a store there that caught my eye called The Himalayan Gem. From a distance I saw a small murti of Krishna playing the flute. I guess it was He that lured me in there and maybe let me know it was okay to walk inside the mall too. Also I saw Ganesh there and Hanuman, and the Om symbol. It made me take out my Bhagavad Gita to find the verse about Krishna being the symbol OM. And I found it in Chapter 7 Text 8, Krishna says, "Oh son of Kunti, I am the taste of water, the light of the sun and moon, the syllable om in the Vedic mantras, I am the sound in ether and ability in man." So that led me to also think about how Krishna really is everywhere. Because almost everytime I go out for my walk I almost always see Krishna in store windows. So I guess I could take those routes just to see Krishna.

Another verse I read after that one is this Ch. 6 Text 30, Krishna says: "For one who sees me everywhere, and sees everything in Me, I am never lost, nor is he lost to me." I still have difficulty with that verse about seeing Krishna in everything. When you live in a temple, you can see Krishna everywhere but once you step outside into the material world it's more difficult because Krishna is covered over people's hearts due to maya(illusion). I also thought of Lord Chaitanya's prayer as well the last prayer that says: "I know know one but Krishna as my Lord, and He shall remain so, even if He handles me roughly by His embrace, or makes me broken hearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipable Lord unconditionally." So when I'm out in the material world I try to see Krishna everywhere but it's hard and I'm glad I only walk for an hour because it makes me want to hurry back into the temple and see Krishna present. But I am going to be tested in California with this when Krishna is not present at my family's house. Good thing I bought some pictures of Krishna to keep Him with me at all times so that I can still in a way be in a temple. Because I know I can very easily get trapped by Maya when I'm visiting with family and I don't want that to happen. This is one reason why I'm terrified to leave this temple.

 I hope that when I return to Toronto I can tell Maharaj the realizations I've had and I'd love to hear what he'd have to say about it.

Just How Dirty Is This Material World?

Just how dirty is this material world? I was thinking that while doing my walk for today. I usually observe people, places, and things a lot of the time while I am out. Canada is almost like the United States to me with technology and stores, etc.

But as I was walking I was thinking of how clean Krishna's temple is compared to the material world outside Krishna's door. When one is self-realized one can see just how dirty this world is. I'm not fully self-realized yet. Far from it, but I still get realizations once in awhile.

Today, I saw muddy sidewalks, smoke coming out of trucks, buses, and cars that pollute the air, people smoking out on the street, people on cell phones, some dressed up fancy as if they are rich, advertisements for sense gratification, and people eating in karmi restaurants. But once you step inside Krishna's temple you don't see any of those things from  the outside world. Once you step into Krishna's temple, it's spotless not one spec of dirt anywhere and I'm not talking about seeing dirt physically but spiritually. Krishna's temple is completely pure compared to the material world outside those sacred doors. Because outside the world is completely contaminated with sinful activities. I was so glad when I reached the temple doors and felt purified again after being out in that diry material world. Im very happy that Krishna has been so merciful to allow me to spend time in His clean and pure temple. I'm learning the best I can to be just as clean although it can be a challenge at times. But I do feel a lot cleaner since being in a temple. Krishna's temple here in Toronto has turned into a safe haven for me. I feel very protected here under my spiritual master's guidance and Krishna's protection. Being under Krishna's roof makes one feel almost safe from Maya's strong wrath outside the temple where she can grab everyone into her midst. I try to force Maya's illusion away from me as I am walking around town and do my best to think of Krishna and my spiritual master's teachings.

My Stay in Toronto Ontario

Well my new years started off with a bang in Toronto Ontario. I couldn't have started off the new year a better way.

My wonderful Guru, Bhaktimarga Swami accepted me as a disciple on behalf of Srila Prabhupada who is the founder of the Hare Krishna Movement. At the time of initiation a disciple receives a new spiritual names. The names we receive are actually names of Krishna. My guru was very clever on how he came up with mine. He gave me the name Hari Lila Devi Dasi. Why? Well I'm a bit bashful to tell the story, but to make the long story short, Maharaj talked about George Harrison throughout my whole initiation ceremony. Maharaj knew I loved George a lot and still do. But anyways Maharaj told the story of how George wanted to take initiation from Srila Prabhupada. But Prabhupada told him "You already are initiated your name is "Haris Son" (son of Hari.) So my guru matched up George's initiated name to mine coming up with Hari Lila. So not only did Maharaj name me after Krishna but he named me after George too. That was so sweet of him to do. I'll never forget my initiation ceremony that's for sure. He made it so unique! And it made me more attached not only to Krishna but to Maharaj too.

After my initiation it took awhile to get some realizations. It wasn't up until Maharaj had to get a hernia surgery done that I experienced realizations. I desperately wanted to stay and help Maharaj when he had his surgery. I also told Mother Sudevi who is a senior devotee and a disciple of Srila Prabhupada, that I wanted to stay in Toronto. She talked it over with Maharaj and they both agreed for me to stay here for awhile. When the day came for Maharaj's surgery, I was in total anxiety for him. I begged both Srila Prabhupada and Krishna to be with Mahara and protect himj during his surgery. Finally when it was over I heard he was doing well and I was so relieved but still anxious for him on how he was doing. I wanted to go visit Maharaj in the hospital, and sure enough by Krishna's loving mercy allowed me to go. That was when I realized that Krishna does fullfill his devotee's desires as long as they are for spiritual reasons and not material. During the visit with Maharaj, he told other devotees that if I continued to get up for mangal aarti, chant my rounds, and do seva(service) he said I'd go back home back to Godhead. I was left stunned. Im too much of a fallen soul for this to be happening. I was nearly in tears when he said that. What he said keeps me inspired I kept it locked not only in my heart but my mind as well. Then another experience is that I wanted to go and help get Maharaj out of the hospital, and Krishna yet again out of His loving mercy allowed me to go and help him. That was proof right there that Krishna really does fullfill the desires of His devotees. Ever since this had all happened I felt so protective of my guru and I still do till this day and always will be protective of my guru.

Now Maharaj is currently in India. I went to the airport with him to say good byes as I won't be seeing him for two months. He left me plenty of instructions to keep me busy i the meantime till I see him again. He told me to walk everyday for an hour, keep doing seva, and also to study a bit. Even when I visit family soon, Maharaj told me to still try to get up for Mangal Aarti even when I'm not in a temple. But i thinkI can still use my Aunt's and Grandmother's computer in the morning to watch Los Angeles morning program to help me feel like I'm at a temple still. Im trying my best to follow my guru's instructions.