Maybe I'm Still Too Spiritually Blind

Maybe I'm still spiritually blind. I've been thinking here today about somethings.

This morning I wasn't feeling very well i had an upset stomach but by later in the morning around 9:30am I was feeling better so I headed downstairs into the temple room to chant my rounds. It was a very peaceful and quiet morning. I felt like I had the Deities all to myself which was nice but there was one other Prabhu in the temple room with me. I forgot his name. I'm terrible with names and have a hard time pronoucing them.

But later in the day I ran into the same Prabhu that was with me in the temple room as I was doing my laundry in the afternoon. He was saying that what we are doing in the temple is basically the highest thing we could do in this material world as long as we're with devotees and serving Krishna directly by doing things around the temple. So this is what brought me to thinking...and I feel somewhat guilty of it too in a way. I think I'm too spiritually blind to realize or appreciate being in the temple doing direct service. I might be still materially covered. But Krishna is still being merciful to me. I don't know why though because I feel like I'm the worst devotee here, but Sudevi says I'm doing fine even though I don't feel like I am. I know that Krishna is waiting for me to open my spiritual eyes to see how valuable temple service really is. *sigh* I wish I could see it right now but I don't think it will happen over night. I continue to chant my rounds, and do reading. I did  alot of that today since I had to be off altar and same with tomorrow too. I try to think of the Gopis and how they always continually thought of Krishna and always wanted to some type of service to Him without hesitation. I admire them for that and try to do what they do, but I'm no where even NEAR that point like the Gopis, far from it! I'm only getting very little nectar out of it right now compared to what the Gopis do. I'm a very very fallen and confused soul. I think this is one of the things I plan on talking to Maharaj about. I know he can help heal my blindness about these things.

More Meditation

Been awhile since my last post. I was under stress at the beginning of this month but things are quiet now.

Now that it's quiet with so many devotees that had left, I can meditate more. I've also gotten rid of my karmi movies that I used to watch and don't have the time nor care to watch anymore. So that gives me even more time and more concentration to meditate on Krishna during my free time. The Deity doors are open all day today so sometime today I'm going to try to find a good time to chant a little more. I do like to chant when the Deity doors are open. I usually like to sit by Lord Nrsimadeva most of the time.

I also try to meditate on Tulasi a lot too since She is a pure devotee of Krishna. I often wonder how she is rearranging the place for Radha and Krishna to meet. That is what She does from what I learned about Her. Our Tulasi is hanging in there although the cold weather here is making her wilt a bit. The young Tulasis are doing very well and so are some of the older ones, but there are quite a few that are not doing so well. One devotee here said that she is peforming austerities, which does make a lot of sense.

I haven't really had any realizations yet but I probably will by the time I get to Toronto. Initiation is on Jan. 1st. What a way to start off the new year. A new name, a new life, a whole new me I guess with my spiritual life. Hopefully initiation will put an end to the life I had in the past and make me forget about it and focuse more on serving my spiritual master and Krishna.