Condemned

Today was obviously not a good day for me. I had this fear from day one when I came here the other day in California that family would bombard me about being in the Krishna Conciousness movement. I know they would all love for me to leave this movement. But I REFUSE! I had given my guru Maharaj my promise to him that I'd NEVER leave this movement.

So what happened was today my grandmother was actually questioning me about her own religion testing me on what I believe in her faith. She asked me who Jesus was...I simply told her that Jesus is the Son of God a spiritual master who went around to preach, then she asked me who God was. I simply said God is a person with many names and gave her a short list but there are unlimited names and then she claimed her bible is the ONLY bible out there and apparently that's where she started to get into a heated conversation with me about religion. It only got worse by the minute. I tried staying calm and not say much,  but my grandmother totally blew it out of proportion about my beliefs and yelled at me by saying "The devil has got a hold of you and you will be going to hell!" So another words she condemned me to hell. She claimed I didn't answer her questions which I did and apparently they were not good enough answers for her. I finally had to walk away before any more damage fell through. One thing she doesn't know she doesn't have the right to say that Im going to hell only God Himself can say that and judge that she is in no power to say so.

But little does she know that in the Bhagavad Gita it says that the devotee does care where God sends him because the devotee pleads with God to always remember His Lotus Feet and to preach about Him EVEN when he's in hell. So if Krishna wishes me to go to hell then I will do my best to beg Him to let me remember Him in Hell and and to let me try to preach about Him and let me do some service for Him there. My family believes in that they only have one life and that they will all go to heaven and not come back here. But again little do they know that the soul keeps on going and changes bodies. But they do not believe in reincarnation either. I am the only one who does.

And here is another realization that hit me with my grandmother's statement. Even though she condemned me, we are ALL condemned because we live in this material world and we are only thinking of ourselves and serving our sense gratificiation and that alone will send us to hell as well. So thinking of this brings me comfort so I am not afraid of what my grandmother told me. Maybe being in hell will teach me to be more humble and tolerant so that I can return to God one day. There are some of God's devotees in Hell right now preaching to the people there to help them realize about Him. So why fear that? I would simply only ask Krishna to stay in His service even in Hell and beg Him for protection while I am there.

Last Days In Toronto

It was sad the last few days were sad ones. I didn't want to leave Toronto. But seeing that I am a United States citizen I had to come back. I still wonder if there is a way to come back to Toronto permanantly.  I hope Krishna will make the arrangements. Most of my prayers have been answered in the Krishna Conciousness movement. We are taught not to pray to God for anything material only to stay in His service to serve Him with love and devotion. Because I remember when I was younger before joining the movement, my prayers never really been answered because I was too materialistic. But since I've learned to be detached from it since it's only temporary in this world.

But anyways on Wednesday morning my guru Maharaj was leaving for Vancouver. He had left at 4:30am in the morning. He paged me over the phone intercom to his office. He asked me to clean prabhupada's room upstairs since guests were coming to stay there. I had offered my obeisances to him  and again to him before he left. I still begged for his mercy to stay in Krishna's service so that I can spiritually advance. And before he left he handed me one of the maha prasadam sweets and said to me "Have one of these and you will be alright." I love his sweet quality about him. He's so kind to me. He's been the most tolerant with me more than anyone else has been to me. I miss him a lot. I hope he will come to Los Angeles for a visit. I feel a lot of painful separation from him.

Friday I spent lunch with Radha and Tara and Mahavendra Puri. On Tuesday I had lunch with Sam and Maharaj. Maharaj had asked me if I was okay because that morning I had a splitting headache and couldn't go to class because my headach was so bad that i had to lie down. But again I love how Maharaj has so much concern for others.  :)

Then also on Friday morning I had spoken with Rashmin as I was training her how to transplant tulasi and then we talked for about an hour after that getting in some last minute association. I also talked with Pranesvari on Friday night for about an hour too.

On Saturday morning I attended the morning program. I didn't go to class as I had to finsih last minute packing, and then Mahavendra Puri asked me to make a salad a half an hour I was supposed to leave. I guess the Deities needed me to do some last minute service.  Then I went to offer my obeisances to them and I also took care of Tulasi that morning before I left some last minute seva for her and I said good bye to her too. It was also hard saying good bye to Brahma Prabhu and his wife. They always made me laugh in the morning with their jokes and stories. I will surely miss them becasue of their unique personality.

I hope and pray to Krishna that He will bring me back to Toronto quickly.

Instructions From My Guru Maharaj

I have spoken with my guru Maharaj on Monday for a half an hour. I had 17 questions to ask him but they were short and sweet questions. He had given me some very helpfu advice. Before I had begun to ask him any questions I had begged him for his mercy to stay in Krishna's service because without his mercy I cannot spirutally advance.

Maharaj's instructions to me were this

1. Do 6 hours of service.
2. Read for 1 or 2 hours a day
3. Chant four extra rounds if there is time
4. Listen to Srila Prabhupada once a day and take notes from it.
5. Do service that I do well and like doing and also serve and please devotees in LA for this will please Maharaj.
6. If family resents Krishna Conciousness don't spend too much time with them stay with devotees.
7. It is okay to spend time with my father just remember to stay Krishna Conciousness.
8. Be ready for second initiation next year.
9. To avoid false ego do not do service that would make me proud. Krishna hates pride in His devotees.
10. Shyness is a good quality to have but don't be too comfortable with it.
11. Don't worry so much about book distribution right now focuse more on serving devotees and assisting them.
12. Memorize Bhagavad Gita verse Ch. 18 Text 42 to help prepare for second initiation which I have already memorized but still always remember it.
13. Some women can live a renounced life but they are meant to live a softer life then men.
14. I will be taking Maharaj's Bhagavad Gita Course while Im in California to keep busy.
15. In order to see Krishna everywhere one must remain with devotees the majority of the time in order to see Krishna everywhere even in family's homes.
16. How can I realize that Guru is always with me? The Gopis always thought of Krsna so He was always with them I can do the same for Maharaj and do my best with following his instructions to help ease the pain of separation from him.
17. How can I memorize Bhagavad Gita slokas: ask my godbrother Yogendra or other godbrothers and godsisters for help with that. And I also will email Maharaj for which Bhagavad Gita verses he'd like me to memorize.

These were the instructions Maharaj gave to me and I am doing my best now to try to follow them. I still miss Maharaj very very much. He comforted me the day before and the day he left by telling me that I will be alright. I still begged for his mercy to stay in Krishna's service before he left yesterday and he handed me a sweet from the dish on the reception desk and said to me "have one of these and you will be alright." He smiled at me when I saw him that last morning. It will be hard not seeing Maharaj for six months. I hope and pray to Krishna that he will still come to Los Angeles. The day before he left I had a splitting headache and felt like I was going to pass out part of it was because i was stressed about him leaving and he knew it. He asked me if I was okay later when I saw him that day for lunch. I love how he has so much kindness and concern for everyone in general. He's so merciful. I cannot wait to see him again. No matter where I may go Maharaj will always have a special place in my heart like Krishna does. Krishna is in the center of my heart and is permanant but Maharaj also has a special place in my heart always.

Guru's Mercy

It's nice to receive mercy from your guru Maharaj whether it be chasetisement or praise or him just helping you personally. I've had all three lately.

I had gotten some light chasetisement from him this morning nothing major and he was still kind to me even after he did that. It is said that guru has a right to chasetise their disciples when necessary. I'd rather have him chasetise me than someone else.

But I had also received praise from him this morning after I did Prabhupada Aarti. He was pleased on how I did the aarti  for Prabhupada.

And then this afternoon he paged me over the temple's intercom to tell me that I have been officially approved to go to the Los Angeles Temple after I leave here. I could not have done that without his help. It was mercy from him and I even told him that I couldn't have done it without him.

I asked him this evening if I can talk to him on Monday before he leaves on Dec 7th for Vancouver. It will be the last day I will get to see him so I want to get plenty of instructions from him. It said it was okay for me to talk to him then. I really want to take his Bhagavad Gita course and do some other reading assignments he may have for me. I do have other questions to ask him as well concerning my stay in LA and of course some other spiritual questions. I still want to inquire to him about second initiation but I know Im far from ready. But I will just ask him how I can gradually prepare myself for it I hope he won't mind me asking.

I also begged him last week to let me do some direct seva for him like making juice that he likes and I plan on making his veggie wraps for him on Tuesday as my last seva to him.

Even for Christmas I want to send him something. I would like to get him a couple new bead bags and maybe he can use some new socks or something as he does do a lot of walking. He was out walking today. I don't know how he does it walking in the cold but he's used to it. I have to find out what size he wears in socks. I think he wears size 13 but I am not totally sure. Maybe I can ask him when I talk to him on Monday.

Janurary 1st I plan on sending him another written offering because Janurary 1st marks my first full year being an initiated devotee. I hope I can improve better and become a better devotee. I just have so much to work on but I have to work on it little by little.

But I thank Krishna for sending me a guru who shows so much mercy not just to his disciple but to everyone in general. All glories to Lord Sri Krishna and Srila Prabhupada.

Bhagavad Gita As It Is:It Has All the Answers About God

I had to go to walmart today to pick  up my new glasses. And on the way back while waiting for the bus a lady handed me a paper that is about God when I got back I gave it to my guru Maharaj for him to read and see what he says about it. And I read the back of that paper and it said Jehovah Witness on it. And it had five different questions on it and one was "Do you want to know the Truth?" And it's funny I was shaking my head as I already knew the answer to that question. The Truth is Krishna because He is the Absolute Supreme Truth, the Supreme Lord. And there was another question in the paper about what happens to you when you die. Simple the soul is eternal and there for it accepts another body until it becomes purified enough to return back to God(Krishna) What's sad is that I have read that reincarnation was taken out of the bible and most people now a days do not believe in reincarnation. I do however. Because since reading the Bhagavad Gita most of my questions have been answered why I my life was not a happy one when I was a child. It was due to my past life and as a result I must have had some really bad karma. We cannot remember what our past life was because Srila Prabhupada says that when we accept a new body we forget our past life. Krishna however remembers all of His pastlives because His body does not change even when He appears on this earth.
There were some other quotes in the paper too that I can't remember but I automatically thought of the Bhagavad Gita. 

People wonder why bad things happen to good people, what happens to us when we die, who is God, what does God look like, what does God want from us, and how can we approach Him?Well just read the Bhagavad Gita. It's all there. It teaches one to be more humble and not want material things. The Bhagavad Gita is more than 5,000 years old. Krishna says he spoke the Bhagavad Gita first to the sun god Vivesan who is a demigod an eternal servitor of Krishna.

In the Bhagavad Gita Ch. 2 explains about our soul what it is, who we are, and where it goes after death. Ch. 8 explains how you can return to God, Ch. 12 explains how  you can serve God with love and devotion without expecting anything in return from Him. Ch. 11 explains what God really looks like. His form is unlimited and universal. Ch. 9 pretty much explains what God wants from us and how we can come to Him.

The Srimad Bhagavatam is also another good source about God as well and answers all those questions. One has to have faith like in any religion. I have no fear in being in the Krishna Conciousness movement. Even if someone comes up to me and condemns me for being Krishna Concious I would not be fearful of them or let them try to convert me, as I know Krishna would protect me from people like that. Krishna gives protection to His devotees and His devotee never vanquishes even during hard times in their life. Srila Prabhupada said that whatever one does in this life for Krishna, he is not the loser but the gainer, he can continue on in the next life to serve Krishna with more love.

I have felt myself spiritually advance more and come to learn to love God more through Krishna Conciousness. I will be talking with my guru Maharaj before he leaves about what he wants me to do when I go to LA and how I can serve Krishna better with more love and devotion.  :)

Busy Last Few Days

I had been pretty busy these last few days with cleaning, helping in the kitchen and now Im back to caring for Tulasi full time again. I had to train Rashmin to get used to Tulasi for two weeks. So now I want to relish in serving Tulasi during the last days of my stay here in Toronto. I had one of my young Tulasis on the altar today. I will put another one of them on there tomorrow. I have three big young Tulasis that are perfect to go on the altar. She's so big now. Big, bright and so green. She's so pretty. I wish I could take her with me to LA but the border I know will not allow me to take her.

Anyways this weekend we have three big events going on. We have a Food Fair going on, a wedding, and the Sunday Feast with Prabhupada Marathon. it's going to be super busy. I hope and pray to Krishna that I will be able to handle it smoothly without being put into anxiety.

I've also been trying to keep up with my reading and do a few extra rounds too. I still have difficulty in trying to understand what Prabhupada is saying in his lectures that I listen to. Today we listened to him. He went over the Srimade Bhagavatam Canto 7 Ch 9 Text 8. I think the radio was up too loud and made it echoey in the temple room so I had difficulty in understanding Prabhupada. I can understand him a bit better when I have my headphones on, especially if he is talking slow. Other lectures sometimes Prabhupada explain things a bit too fast and then I have to go back to try and catch what he said.

Also a part of me wants to try book distribution but the other half of me doesn't. My false ego keeps getting in the way all the time. It's just annoying. I should ask Maharaj how I can get rid of my false ego. :( Im just too shy to really do anything. Devotees have told me that being shy is a good quality to have but in my case Im just too shy for my own good. So this is another thing I have to work on is getting rid of my shyness too because it is a part of my false ego. Let's see what Maharaj has to say about it. I have to talk to him anyway before I leave here December 10th. I've got a thousand questions running through my head to ask him. I want to have loads of instructions from him for when I stay in LA so that Im kept busy enough.

What is this world coming to?

I had to go to the Dollar store to pick up a few items. And as I was walking along Yonge Street, I noticed one sign that said "Your pleasure is our desire." So Im over here shaking my head. What is this world coming to? I thought. So I dovetailed that sign in my head thinking "Krishna's pleasure is our desire." We have to keep Krishna pleased right? We do service just for His pleasure and that is our desire to please Him. So that is why I totally dovetailed it into Krishna Conciousness. Sometimes I wish that people out there would be creative but I guess I just have to do that in my own mind when thinking of Krishna. I had the 24 hour kirtan playing on my ipod while walking so it was very easy to simply think of Krishna.

Then when I was in the Dollar store I saw yet another sign that had me bewildered. Now don't get me wrong I love cats but this sign went a little bit too far. The sign read "Happiness is being owned by a cat." Im like whaaaat????? Why would someone be happy being owned by a cat?????? Come on now that's a bit ridiculous if you ask me! As i've said i love cats but I wouldn't go that far with it. So I dovetailed this sign by thinking in my head "Happiness is being owned by KRISHNA!" Krishna is the all attractive and He owns us and only He can fullfill our desires completely so that is why I dovetailed it to "Happiness is Being owned by Krishna."

So now whenever I go out somewhere and see these stupid advertisements or signs I want to dovetail them just for the fun of it. I can probably come up with something Krishna Cocious no matter what sign I may see out there. Maybe I can find some even on the internet dovetail those and maybe i can show the list to Maharaj. He may even be amused by it. :D I'd love to hear what he'd say about me doign that dovetailing stupid advertisements into Krishna Conciousness instead. :)