Merciful Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha

Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha have been so merciful to me. I know for sure that I will miss Them so very much when I leave here. They  mean a lot to me. In fact Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha have been the most merciful Deities I have ever came acrossed. True Sri Sri Radha Vrndavan Chandra had been merciful to me as well and They allowed me to practice some heavy austerity for awhile but Krishna knew there came to a point where I couldn't handle and He had mercifully brought me back to Toronto. I have gone through some austerities here too but I survived it and it's austerities I can handle.

Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha have been giving me plenty of service and service that I like to do. They have allowed me to become very attached to Tulasi Devi. In the middle of July They had allowed me to be fully in charge of Tulasi in caring for her. I was surprised that They let me do that. I am certainly unqualified to care for her but They both know that I love Tulasi Devi very much which is more than likely why They are letting me serve her. They also let me make salad and juice for Them as well for lunch. They have mercifully given me this chance to directly serve Them. I never had this much mercy before. I had also had the opportunity to wash the Deity plates as well for Them. And Lord Krishna even let me make a Tulasi garland for Him quite a few times through Tulasi's mercy.
This is why Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha have been so merciful to me. They also allow me to directly serve my guru Maharaj Bhaktimarga Swami. They have just been so kind to me. I know Im going to be heartbroken leaving here December 10th.

Today for example, I had trimmed some of Tulasi's manjaris today and some of them that I picked were so very beautiful! She had teeny tiny pinkish flowers covering her manjaris! It's the middle of october and she is still growing her manjaris. She will start to slow down on them toward November I think but she may still grow them in November too. So today the one manjari I picked, I asked this one Mataji who I talk to often if she could put this pretty manjari on Lord Krishna's Lotus Foot. I told her Tulasi's manjari was too pretty to be put in the offering. I asked her to offer it to Lord Krishna for me since I cannot go on the altar yet and say to Him that I picked that manjari just for Him. After she did that she told me that Lord Krishna said "thank you" to me. So now I have a new desire. If and when I ever get second initiation, I wish to put Tulasi leaves or manjaris on Krishna's Lotus Feet! Oh how I would LOVE to do that! My heart would melt. In fact my heart feels melted already just thinking about that! Putting Tulasi leaves or manjaris on Krishna's Lotus Feet???????????? Total bliss! I'd be floating away. I hope Krishna will allow me to do this for Him one day! I know I am so unqualified to do that for Him but I still wish to do this for Him! For now I can just meditate on that, meditate on putting Tulasi leaves and manjaris on His Lotus Feet. I know that'd be my favorite service for sure. :) I want to tell Maharaj this when he comes back and see what he says about it. :)

Hare Krishna Maha Mantra Remix Songs

Just a few minutes ago I was searching on youtube for more devotional songs and came across some really cool hare krishna maha mantra remixes on youtube. I can easily turn them into mp3's for my ipod which is what I am doing right now. Here's a really cool one to listen to! Click on the link below to listen.

http://youtu.be/D_M-xt__4XY

I found a couple others and will continue the search. This way when Im visiting family I'll have something to listen to when Im not in the temple. I need to have Krishna's Holy Names with me when Im with family so I don't fall into maya's clutches.

So here is another new thing that I am into is finding Hare Krishna remix songs on youtube. What ever it takes to become more obssessed with Krishna the better.

Will I Visit Mayapur One Day?

This question keeps appearing in my head. Will I ever visit Mayapur in India?

I have a strong desire to go there. I should keep my faith in Krishna in believe He will make the arrangement to go there. Maharaj said earlier this year that Krishna will take care of that for me. But how? The trip to India is so expensive. I don't have a job to save money for that trip. The plan ticket alone would be $1500 and to stay there is even more expensive too.

I do wish to see the Deities there. Their Deities are 8ft tall. And I want to know if the have a huge Tulasi garden there as well. I'd love to serve Tulasi there should I ever get the chance to visit. I am currently right now looking at photos of Sri Sri Radha and Madhava. Their Krishna is black and He's beautiful. I want to know how they got the Tulasi garland to be that thick! I know they must have many Tulasi manjaris to get it to look that thick. I hope my baby Tulasis when they get bigger will grow that many manjaris too. That was why I am growing her here in Toronto so that she will grow manjaris for Krishna that way He can wear her manjaris. I swear Im a complete Tulasi fanatic! I love serving her. Right now Im currently off altar and I cannot serve her until Saturday. :( I miss taking care of her myself already. I find comfort in her when Maharaj is away travelling. She keeps me busy.

But anyways back to Sri Mayapur. I saved many photos of the Deities. They have very pretty colorful outfits. It's too bad women are not allowed to go on the altar. :( I don't see that as fair. There are some things about the movement that bugs me but I learn to deal with it and accept it. Other than that I love what Krishna Conciousness teaches about spirituality because it makes alot more sense. And every time I see Krishna's Deity form in Mayapur in the pictures sometimes I just get totally lost in thought of Him because of His beauty. No wonder the gopis were crazy for Krishna. No body is more beautiful than Krishna.

Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha though in Toronto will ALWAYS be my favorite Deities. Sri  Mayapur well I don't know if They'd be my second favorite Deities...We'll see. Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha had been very very merciful to me more than any other Deities I've come acrossed. They are pretty much my life and soul. I was initiated in front of Them and a lot of it has to do with my guru Maharaj's influence with being in this temple when he's not travelling. And They've always let me do some sort of direct service to Them even though Im not second initiated yet to go on the altar to personally do an aarti for Them.

My desire still remains to visit Mayapur and maybe Vrndavan. But Vrndavan is too pure and I feel too contaminated to visit there nor am I qualified to visit there. Mayapur well maybe. I told my guru Maharaj that I won't go to India until he thinks I'm ready for it.

Watch out where you step!Maya's Traps!

Yes one can be in maya even in the temple. Maya is illusion things that are only temporary in this world. They are never eternal. Maya leads us to believe we can be happy in this material world But that is one of her major traps to catch innocent souls who really belong to Lord Krishna who is God Himself.

But also I found out maya's other traps as well. It is not just sense gratification that she grabs us but also inner feelings we have in our hearts or just thinking of ourselves. Pride,  envy, stress, anxiety, depression, anger, etc all are maya for sure in my opinion. We put ourselves in these conditions due to our forgetting Krishna. Krishna had mercifully and gradually made me come to realize this. Why couldn't I have seen this before when I was living in New Vrndavan? Was it because I was ignorant, thinking of myself? Or just plain worrying too much? Too much pride? Not remembering Krishna enough caused me all these problems is definately one issue. I wasn't depending on Him. So I have to carefully watch out where I step because I could fall into maya's trap. It's as if she has unlimited traps. We're all walking on egg shells in this world and we have to be careful with our spiritual life so as not to get an animal body the next life.

So Krishna has revealed to me what I must work on. I definately need to work on being a bit more humble, I need to be a little more open to others as I do feel so closed up a lot of the time. Need to get rid of my shyness is another. Shyness can also be maya too.Tolerance is another major issue for me and also anxiety. I can also be very quiet a lot of time also. I was probably being offensive too at times but others would disagree with me on that more than likely.

But most of all I want to avoid negativity. And everything I mentioned above what Maya's traps are all lead to depression and it's happened to me so there is your proof. Depression I think is Maya's greatest weapon of all which can destroy a living entity fatally if one is not careful.

So I have set some goals for myself hopefully I can try to keep them. I don't want to take vows as those are more permanant than goals. Goals can fade away if not worked on. My goals are these : be more humble when serving Krishna's devotees even when they are in a bad mood or are arguementative, and try to memorize some sanskrit verses that relate to my problems. Maybe I can practice on them this week if I can remember too. I need to fit it in my busy seva schedule somehow. But my advice to all devotees out there watch out where you step you could be walking into one of maya's traps if you are not careful. Call out to Krishna if you get stuck! Haribol All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Glorifying Lord Krishna

I can fully say Im happy to glorify Lord Krishna in this blog post. Lately He has been so kind to me. I am not sure what I did to please Krishna as I am not qualified to be doing services for Him. But yet Lord Krishna still reciprocated with me by fullfilling a few of my transcendental desires not material ones.

The first thing was about the Los Angeles Temple. Krishna knew I had a desire to go there to stay. One being that Nirantara is there to give classes and I love hearing his classes. Then I had asked Nirantara if he can show me how to play harmonium and he said he would. Krishna had just fullfilled these desires I had. I guess they were small an easy desires for Krishna to fullfill. But my one desire is not entirely fullfilled yet and that is wanting to stay here permanantly in Toronto to serve my guru Maharaj and Tulasi Devi. It is up to Krishna in what He wants me to do. I am simply waiting His reply. In return I believe He is simply waiting to see how much more I surrender to Him. But I am not sure what He wants me to do. I am sure He will let me know soon enough.

Then this past weekend Lord Krishna knew I had a desire in wanting to know more about Deity Worship. So He very kindly had Bhakti Yoga Prabhu one of our local pujaris here give a Deity Worship Seminar class. I will be attending it this weekend. So there is proof that Krishna does fullfill desires. Some desires take longer than others to fullfill probably because I must do something more for Krishna in love and devotion.

But I hope and pray to Lord Krishna that I will love serving Him in the Los Angeles Temple as I had difficulty in New Vrndavan. So far Toronto's temple is the only Hare Krishna Temple I feel most comfortable being at. Maharaj wants me to at least try out Los Angeles for awhile too and apparently so does Krishna. I never though Sri Sri Rukmini Dwarakadish would allow me to do some service for Them. I may have had a desire in the past before moving to New Vrndavan to serve Them but now Krishna has kindly made this arrangement for me to do this.

Just how kind is Krishna? Well He is the Supreme Lord God Himself! He can do anything. There is a verse in the Sri Siksastakam by Lord Chaitanya:

ashlishya va pada-ratam pinashtu mam
adarshanan marma-hatam karotu va
yatha tatha va vidadhatu lampato
mat-prana-nathas tu sa eva naparah

I know no one but Krishna as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He handles me roughly by His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipful Lord unconditionally.

So this is what I believe. It is true that Lord Krishna is my Lord. And it says right there that He is completely free to do anything and everything which is very true. One must be self realized to see this. I have had plenty of realizations to see this which is why I believe in Krishna! He does exist! And He is more kind than anyone in this universe.  We may not physically see Him but the only thing we can do is see Him in others or in His Deity form. I also try to meditate on Krishna's childhood pasttimes where He plays with His cowherd boyfriends which I think is adorable. I can just picture how much fun it must be to play with Krishna and be His friend. But He is a friend to all. :)

Krishna is very kind and loving. And He puts us in certain situations to make us realize that we have to depend only on Him alone. I have to keep repeating this to myself often but sometimes my mind refuses to listen. So what to do? Chant more rounds maybe? Read more about His childhood pasttimes? Maya still tries to attack me and it makes me very angry. I want to surrender more to Krishna but Maya is not letting me so Iament about this. :( I even often pray to Tulasi help me feel closer to Krishna because she too can help us become devoted to Krishna.

Maharaj's Appearace Day 2011

My guru Maharaj H.H Bhaktimarga Swami had his appearance day celebration the other night. It was an unforgettable exeperience. By Lord Krishna's mercy I was able to witness for the very first time a guru's vyasa puja which is considered very very sacred. Without a bona fide spiritual master one cannot make any advancement. So we did this ceremony for Maharaj yesterday in celebration of his birthday. He turned 59. Next year he will be 60 and I hear it will be a much bigger celebration.

We did a fire sacrifice in the temple room for Maharaj for a half hour.Maharaj wore the red, white, and orange flower garland I made for him. I was blissful it looked so nice on him and that he accepted it. He didn't know that I made it for him. I was going to tell him but decided not to.  Not many people were there yet. Maharaj looked a bit uncomfortable sitting there and he did look slightly nervous even in Govinda's I don't think he felt too comfortable about his vyasa puja being celebrated. I can tell he looked nervous. Then after the fire sacrifice, Maharaj led kirtan for the Deities for a half hour.

At 6:30 we all headed into Govindas which is our temple's restaurant. There they did Aarti for him and four Prabhu's bathed Maharaj's feet I wish I could have gotten a glimpse of Maharaj's feet or get a picture of his feet but unfortunately I wasn't able to. Then everyone was invited up to go up to Maharaj and offer obeisances unto him. I was so terrified that I let everyone else go ahead of me. I didn't feel ready to go up to Maharaj. I felt like I was back at my initiation which is why I nearly went last. So not only did it seem like Maharaj was nervous I was  terrified myself when  I went to offer my obeisances to him. I had gotten Maharaj a new iron for his clothes and made him a copy of the slideshow of Srila Prabhupada for him in case he wants to watch it  again. After everyone gave Maharaj gives or obeisances, Maharaj went to cut the cake. And then lastly was the slideshow of Prabhupada that I made for him. I was surprised that everyone loved the slideshow of Prabhupada that I made. I was not expecting the devotees to go wild over it but they did. And Harinam the prabhu who was in charge of the celebration wants me to make another slideshow for next year. Maharaj had thanked me several times for the slideshow. I was so happy he was  very pleased with it.

Then we all had prasadam. However I couldn't stand in the long line because my back was hurting me from sitting on the floor. Maharaj was so kind he gave me  prasadam from his plate so I thanked him for it and I told him he didn't have to do that. So I went  and distributed some of it to my fellow godborthers and godsisters because it was maha prasadam from Maharaj.  I also forgot to mention that  during  the  gift giving ceremony and glorification, Maharaj suddenly tossed to me a flower he was  holding. He startled me with that. I still have the flower of course. During prasadam I sat with my godbrother Ramachandra and a friend of our s Rishi. I told Ramachandra we needed a new photo taken with Maharaj and Rishi helped by using his camera. Here is the picture below.

And also here is a photo of Maharaj wearing the flower garland I made for him.

I felt so blissful seeing this garland i made for him around him.

Over all it was such an auspicious day for many of us. I had fasted all day for Maharaj to burn off my bad karma I may have had so as not to spiritually harm him on his vyasa puja. I felt I had to do it since he has done so much for me. And to finish it off here is another beautiful photo of my guru Maharaj during the second half of his vyasa puja.All glories to H.H Bhaktimarga Swami! May Lord Krishna send him many blessings and give him all protection!

My Shiksha Guru

I now have a new Shiksha guru. His name is H.G Nirantara das Prabhu. He is a Prabhupada disciple who is based in the state of California and normally preaches at the Los Angeles Temple.

I can't remember exactly how I found him. I think it was when I first found mayapur.tv was how I found him and clicked on his channel. I sat there listening to his classes and just got so inspired. He reminds me of my own guru Maharaj in several ways. I had found Nirantara Prabhu I think about a year ago on mayapur.tv.

A few days ago I asked Nirantara Prabhu if he could be my Shiksha guru. He said yes. He said that Srila Prabhupada had once said that we can have many shiksha gurus and only one diksha guru(initiating guru). Nirantara Prabhu had found me on facebook and and I immediately added him and that's when I asked him if he could be my shiksha guru. :) Another good excuse to keep my facebook pages. I don't think I will be getting rid of my facebook pages now because I have my Cleveland friends on there and now I have my Shiksha guru on there as well.

I also love the concerts that Nirantara Prabhu sometimes does on his webcasts. A lot of his songs sounds so much like the Beatles which is what got me attracted to his lectures and music. I had asked him yesterday if he could dedicate a class and song for my guru maharaj's upcoming appearance day and he had also agreed to do it. He is so kind just like my guru Maharaj.

My dad has met Nirantara Prabhu the night I first met him in person back in March earlier this year. He had given my dad blessings and I know my dad has gotten purification from that alone.

Nirantara Prabhu has his own website that you can take a look at www.nirantara.com or you can find him on www.iskcondesiretree.net and click under Prabhujis and click on Prabhujis K-R then scroll down and click on H.G Nirantara das Prabhu. He has many of his songs and lectures on there as well. He normally gives classes on Thursdays and Sundays as far as I know but there are other days he does classes online. Sometimes on tuesdays like tonight he is giving a class and concert which I am excited about.  :) I cannot wait to hear it tonight.