This weekend is going to be a busy one. So much is going on. Tomorrow night we have Prabhupada movie night. They will be showing the films Following Srila Prabhupada. I have seen those already in New Vrndavan. Friday evening there is a harinam from 6:30pm till 8:30pm downtown Toronto. I will attend that one And then Saturday we have a Beatles Festival. I really want to go to that. The only reason why I am going to the Beatles festival is because I am going with devotees and we're going to spread Krishna's holy names. I would not just go for the Beatles themselves. And also Im going because George is involved in the festival, and George had brought me to Krishna. Then Sunday we have a special Sunday program with kirtans and all and Tuesday is the grande finale with a major kirtan and pizza party. That's going to be fun. I'll have to tone it down on my services and get rest so I dont wear myself out for any of these fun things. Tomorrow I will try to get plenty of rest for the kirtan on Friday so I am ready for it. I am excited about all these things happening. This will help ease the pain of separation from Maharaj as I had been feeling the separation all day today few times I almost was in tears because of it. But Im okay now pretty much. Usually the first or second day after he leaves to go somewhere it's hard for me but i recover afterwards.
I will take pictures and try to record some videos too if I can. I definately want to get pictures of the Beatles festival as I had never been to one before because my parents couldn't afford to take me to one. Im going to bring my picture of George to set up at our section when we do our sankirtan serivce.
I wonder if and when I do to move tot he Los Angeles temple that they will have things like this too.I hope I can do service for Tulasi there too if I can. But we'll see what Krishna arranges. But for now I am looking forward to the kirtans this weekend.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
My Guru Maharaj's 4th Walk Across Canada
Well my guru Maharaj begins his 4th walk across Canada. Last night we had held a suprise send off party for him. Unfortunately I could not attend the party last night as I was too exhausted from Sunday and yesterday from doing service. Maharaj actually made me stop doing service yesterday because he didn't want me to fall apart. He wanted me to rest so I did. Tara had recorded a bit of it so I watched it. It was so nice to see that Maharaj was happy about the suprise party. Maharaj has brochures of him about is walk across Canada. Mother Subhuddhi let me have one since Maharaj has a whole bunch of them to distribute while he's out for his walk.
Today my godbrother Ramachandra das Prabhu had visited the temple. We spent some time catching up together and we also had lunch with Maharaj and chatted with him outside his office. It's always nice to have my guru Maharaj's association. Especially now since he's doing so much travelling these days. So I try to relish his association.
Im happy he's going on his walk across Canada but at the same time I will miss him a lot. He does mean a lot to me. I just hope he will be careful and Im glad he's taking someone with him to help him and also for emergencies if any. I hope the person with him will take pictures of Maharaj walking. We don't have enough photos of Maharaj walking. I would love to see some of those. I am also interested to see what kind of people he will meet. Today in class he was telling us about these drunk guys he ran into on one of his walks and it was quite humorous, but this is one reason why I worry about him walking late at night because of strange people that are out there and could be dangerous. Ive heard quite a few scary stories about Maharaj's walks like the one time he stepped on a catfish at a beach while walking, and then another time I heard a bear had followed him. and this was no small bear too they said it was a HUGE bear possibly a grizzly bear. But anyways I look forward to reading about his walking adventures for the next three weeks. :)
Today my godbrother Ramachandra das Prabhu had visited the temple. We spent some time catching up together and we also had lunch with Maharaj and chatted with him outside his office. It's always nice to have my guru Maharaj's association. Especially now since he's doing so much travelling these days. So I try to relish his association.
Im happy he's going on his walk across Canada but at the same time I will miss him a lot. He does mean a lot to me. I just hope he will be careful and Im glad he's taking someone with him to help him and also for emergencies if any. I hope the person with him will take pictures of Maharaj walking. We don't have enough photos of Maharaj walking. I would love to see some of those. I am also interested to see what kind of people he will meet. Today in class he was telling us about these drunk guys he ran into on one of his walks and it was quite humorous, but this is one reason why I worry about him walking late at night because of strange people that are out there and could be dangerous. Ive heard quite a few scary stories about Maharaj's walks like the one time he stepped on a catfish at a beach while walking, and then another time I heard a bear had followed him. and this was no small bear too they said it was a HUGE bear possibly a grizzly bear. But anyways I look forward to reading about his walking adventures for the next three weeks. :)
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Obstacles In Devotional Service Again
Krishna is testing me again. Lately I've had a few obstacles in devotional service.
These last few days I fell ill. It was this past thursday I was feeling sick. I was getting hot and cold flashes, and didn't feel like eating much. I ate very light those past few days. And i still do today too because my cough hurts my stomach too sometimes. I still went to Mangal Aarti even though I was sick. If I hadn't gone to mangal aarti, I would have been very upset with myself. I HATE missing out on Mangal Aarti. I consider it a great loss if I don't see Krishna first thing in the morning and then I'd feel like my whole day is spoiled if I don't see Him. But anyways that Thursday morning my guru Maharaj was going to leave for Miami Florida. I could only stand up for a few minutes but went to go sit down as I was feeling dizzy and my stomach was feeling nauseous. After the kirtan was over, Maharaj came over to check on me. He's so kind to me that at times I feel like I want to cry. Im so grateful to Krishna that He allowed me to surrender to my guru Maharaj who is so gentle and kind and very merciful. Maharaj advised me to dress warm and not to be in too much anxiety. He thought maybe I had a slight fever but I told him my temperature was normal. I found out a few days later that I have a sore throat. which was the cause of what I was feeling. Despite the cold I caught though,, I still tried to do my service to the best I could. It's the only way I can teach myself tolerance sometimes. I HAD to take care of Tulasi because She is a pure devotee. I tried doing a little kitchen service but when I felt I couldn't do anymore I had to stop. Even on Radhamashtami I had health problems due to my bad back. I tried doing service but apparently Srimate Radharani wanted me to rest and she let me know it by showing me that there were plenty of devotees in the kitchen helping. So I did what I could. Maharaj told me to take it easy this weekend while he's away.
Then also these last few days I as I was trying to do my serivce, I felt overwhelmed with service again. This one bramharchari is always asking for help every five minutes. And also whenever this bramharchari is in the kitchen I feel like I can never get anything done because he always needs the space that i am in and it doesn't matter when I try to do something else in the kitchen he still needs even that spot that I am working in every five minutes. I had to tell Mahavendra Puri about this problem because he is authority. He told me not to worry about it. So all I can do is keep telling this brahmarchari no I cannot do it. I've had this problem in New Vrndavan too witb being overloaded with service or devotees telling me how to do things this way or that way. I just can't handle that. Because if more than one person tells me how to do something or tells me to do something I won't know who to listen to. So I've been trying to train myself to be firm when things like this come up but I still have to be humble about it at the same time which is the hard part. These are some of the things I need to work on.
And also I need to overcome my fear of being in crowds too. I've been trying to get myself to go the Sunday evening programs here to try to get used to it. I just don't like it when people push and shove into one another and I don't like it when it comes to the point where it's so crowded that you cannot move. These things also interrupt my devotional service when I want to be at the Aartis on Sunday as devotional service to the Deities. I hope Krishna will help me to overcome these fears if I gradually work at it.
These last few days I fell ill. It was this past thursday I was feeling sick. I was getting hot and cold flashes, and didn't feel like eating much. I ate very light those past few days. And i still do today too because my cough hurts my stomach too sometimes. I still went to Mangal Aarti even though I was sick. If I hadn't gone to mangal aarti, I would have been very upset with myself. I HATE missing out on Mangal Aarti. I consider it a great loss if I don't see Krishna first thing in the morning and then I'd feel like my whole day is spoiled if I don't see Him. But anyways that Thursday morning my guru Maharaj was going to leave for Miami Florida. I could only stand up for a few minutes but went to go sit down as I was feeling dizzy and my stomach was feeling nauseous. After the kirtan was over, Maharaj came over to check on me. He's so kind to me that at times I feel like I want to cry. Im so grateful to Krishna that He allowed me to surrender to my guru Maharaj who is so gentle and kind and very merciful. Maharaj advised me to dress warm and not to be in too much anxiety. He thought maybe I had a slight fever but I told him my temperature was normal. I found out a few days later that I have a sore throat. which was the cause of what I was feeling. Despite the cold I caught though,, I still tried to do my service to the best I could. It's the only way I can teach myself tolerance sometimes. I HAD to take care of Tulasi because She is a pure devotee. I tried doing a little kitchen service but when I felt I couldn't do anymore I had to stop. Even on Radhamashtami I had health problems due to my bad back. I tried doing service but apparently Srimate Radharani wanted me to rest and she let me know it by showing me that there were plenty of devotees in the kitchen helping. So I did what I could. Maharaj told me to take it easy this weekend while he's away.
Then also these last few days I as I was trying to do my serivce, I felt overwhelmed with service again. This one bramharchari is always asking for help every five minutes. And also whenever this bramharchari is in the kitchen I feel like I can never get anything done because he always needs the space that i am in and it doesn't matter when I try to do something else in the kitchen he still needs even that spot that I am working in every five minutes. I had to tell Mahavendra Puri about this problem because he is authority. He told me not to worry about it. So all I can do is keep telling this brahmarchari no I cannot do it. I've had this problem in New Vrndavan too witb being overloaded with service or devotees telling me how to do things this way or that way. I just can't handle that. Because if more than one person tells me how to do something or tells me to do something I won't know who to listen to. So I've been trying to train myself to be firm when things like this come up but I still have to be humble about it at the same time which is the hard part. These are some of the things I need to work on.
And also I need to overcome my fear of being in crowds too. I've been trying to get myself to go the Sunday evening programs here to try to get used to it. I just don't like it when people push and shove into one another and I don't like it when it comes to the point where it's so crowded that you cannot move. These things also interrupt my devotional service when I want to be at the Aartis on Sunday as devotional service to the Deities. I hope Krishna will help me to overcome these fears if I gradually work at it.
Radhamashtami 2011
This year like with Janmashtami, I spent Radhamashtami in Toronto Ontario. Both were very nice. I loved how the Deities were dressed. I think that Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha are the most beautiful Deities in all of Iskcon. Most devotees do have their own preferences too with their favorite Deities. But they are all Krishna so its okay to have a favorite since it's transcendental.
Anyways we had to fast until 12 noon for Radhamashtami. Fasting until 12 noon is easy to do. Janmashtami was very very difficult due to fasting until 12 midnight but I still managed to do it through Krishna's mercy. I had an upset stomach on Janmashtami from fasting but I knew I had to fast for Krishna's pleasure and I did my best to tolerate it. But fasting for Radharani was very simple and easy for She is always merciful.
Toronto's temple celebrates Radhamashtami quite different than what New Vrndavan had celebrated it. Had I known how Toronto celebrated Radhamashtami I would have bought Srimate Radharani a little something too. But I will know for next year when I am here for it. At 6pm the program began for Srimate Radharani. The flower outfit was very beautiful. The Deities did wear a new outfit during the day. I will post here shortly with the pictures. The kirtan was very nice and viewing the Deities on Radharani's appeareance day was much easier. It was just like a regulara Sunday program. The kirtan was nice. Then after the kirtan one of our senior Prabhupada disciples gave a very short class about Srimate Radharani for about 20 minutes. After that the gifts were offered to Srimate Radharani for her birthday. So it was a real transcendental birthday party for Srimate Radharani. The pujaris opened the gifts for Her and showed them to Her and read the birthday cards to Her. And also a light bhajan was held in between, and readings about the Deities. Actually Septm4th was the day the Deities were installed in Toronto's temple so it was a very auspicious day for Them.
Also a Hindu wedding ceremony was held too. I stayed for most of it. It was interesting. They had Deities of Lord Ganesh there. Lord Ganesh is a demigod. And I think this wedding I heard was not part of Iskcon but they chose to have the wedding here in the temple because the parents of the bride or the groom are Iskcon devotees and big donars to the temple. But it was still a nice ceremony for the couple. I send my best wishes to them.
It was very nice to hear about Srimate Radharani. All glories to Srimate Radharani.
Here are some photos of the Deities on Radhamashtami.
Anyways we had to fast until 12 noon for Radhamashtami. Fasting until 12 noon is easy to do. Janmashtami was very very difficult due to fasting until 12 midnight but I still managed to do it through Krishna's mercy. I had an upset stomach on Janmashtami from fasting but I knew I had to fast for Krishna's pleasure and I did my best to tolerate it. But fasting for Radharani was very simple and easy for She is always merciful.
Toronto's temple celebrates Radhamashtami quite different than what New Vrndavan had celebrated it. Had I known how Toronto celebrated Radhamashtami I would have bought Srimate Radharani a little something too. But I will know for next year when I am here for it. At 6pm the program began for Srimate Radharani. The flower outfit was very beautiful. The Deities did wear a new outfit during the day. I will post here shortly with the pictures. The kirtan was very nice and viewing the Deities on Radharani's appeareance day was much easier. It was just like a regulara Sunday program. The kirtan was nice. Then after the kirtan one of our senior Prabhupada disciples gave a very short class about Srimate Radharani for about 20 minutes. After that the gifts were offered to Srimate Radharani for her birthday. So it was a real transcendental birthday party for Srimate Radharani. The pujaris opened the gifts for Her and showed them to Her and read the birthday cards to Her. And also a light bhajan was held in between, and readings about the Deities. Actually Septm4th was the day the Deities were installed in Toronto's temple so it was a very auspicious day for Them.
Also a Hindu wedding ceremony was held too. I stayed for most of it. It was interesting. They had Deities of Lord Ganesh there. Lord Ganesh is a demigod. And I think this wedding I heard was not part of Iskcon but they chose to have the wedding here in the temple because the parents of the bride or the groom are Iskcon devotees and big donars to the temple. But it was still a nice ceremony for the couple. I send my best wishes to them.
It was very nice to hear about Srimate Radharani. All glories to Srimate Radharani.
Here are some photos of the Deities on Radhamashtami.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Offering Obeisances To My Guru Maharaj Realization
Since Maharaj came back and even before then,I find myself always offering my humble obeisances to him at his lotus feet both in the morning and evening before I go to bed when he is here. I also offer him Tulasi's flower after I offer it to her. And just this morning a realization hit me as I had offered my obeisances to him.
I had asked Maharaj this morning when he was leaving and he said in five minutes so I immediately bowed down to his lotus feet and when I did that I felt so sheltered and protected by him. I feel like there is a protective shield around me every time I offer my obeisances to him. Im so happy that Maharaj is so kind and thoughtful, gentle, and caring to everyone.
I do the same for Srila Prabhupada as well because I have been going to the last darshan lately. So I feel protected by Srila Prabhupada as well. I have something nice in mind to write in my offering to my guru maharaj when his appearance day comes. I just want it to be something that will touch his heart and something he won't forget.
I also feel the same when I offer obeisances to the Deities at Their Lotus Feet. They too make you feel sheltered and protected. Im grateful Krishna gave me this realization. I just may write this in my guru maharaj's offering for his appearance day. I just have to figure out how to say it.
People who are non devotees may think it strange bowing down before a spiritual master or priest but it should be done because he is a representive of God as he does preach about God which is why we bow down to our guru maharaj. It is said that the spiritual master is to be honored as much as the Supreme Lord because he is the most confidential servitor of the Lord. The spiritual master is not to be thought of as an ordinary person. He is a spiritual person. And I believe in that about my spiritual master. In fact my guru maharaj reminds me so much of Lord Chaitanya because he is so merciful and very tolerant of everyone and everything. So I know for sure that my guru Maharaj is very spiritual and he came from the spiritual world to here to help us return home to Krishna as Srila Prabhupada did when he was present in this world.
So I believe as long as I keep offering my obeisances to my guru Maharaj I know I will always feel sheltered and protected by him. One cannot make any spiritual advancement without the grace of the spiritual master.
I had asked Maharaj this morning when he was leaving and he said in five minutes so I immediately bowed down to his lotus feet and when I did that I felt so sheltered and protected by him. I feel like there is a protective shield around me every time I offer my obeisances to him. Im so happy that Maharaj is so kind and thoughtful, gentle, and caring to everyone.
I do the same for Srila Prabhupada as well because I have been going to the last darshan lately. So I feel protected by Srila Prabhupada as well. I have something nice in mind to write in my offering to my guru maharaj when his appearance day comes. I just want it to be something that will touch his heart and something he won't forget.
I also feel the same when I offer obeisances to the Deities at Their Lotus Feet. They too make you feel sheltered and protected. Im grateful Krishna gave me this realization. I just may write this in my guru maharaj's offering for his appearance day. I just have to figure out how to say it.
People who are non devotees may think it strange bowing down before a spiritual master or priest but it should be done because he is a representive of God as he does preach about God which is why we bow down to our guru maharaj. It is said that the spiritual master is to be honored as much as the Supreme Lord because he is the most confidential servitor of the Lord. The spiritual master is not to be thought of as an ordinary person. He is a spiritual person. And I believe in that about my spiritual master. In fact my guru maharaj reminds me so much of Lord Chaitanya because he is so merciful and very tolerant of everyone and everything. So I know for sure that my guru Maharaj is very spiritual and he came from the spiritual world to here to help us return home to Krishna as Srila Prabhupada did when he was present in this world.
So I believe as long as I keep offering my obeisances to my guru Maharaj I know I will always feel sheltered and protected by him. One cannot make any spiritual advancement without the grace of the spiritual master.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Tulasi Is Still Keeping Me Busy
Well Tulasi Devi sure is still keeping me busy.I had no idea that she'd be allowing me to serve her like this. I wasn't doing much in the beginning but somehow or other Srimate Radharani or Krishna Himself must have seen my desire to serve their pure devotee Tulasi Devi.
Today I had spent nearly 5 hours in her green house in the sweltering heat. But service needed to be done for her. I have so many baby Tulasis to care for and I transplanted 19 of them today because they were too big for the seedling container. I needed to wash her pots and then add fresh soil to them. I think she will grow a lot faster if she is in her own pot instead of all together in a seedling container. Most of the Baby Tulasis are getting ready to grow another set of leaves! Some of them are looking so pretty even now and Im finding myself very much attached to her becasue of how pretty she looks. She maybe tiny now but her leaves are looking big and beautiful. And she is only about three weeks old! She is growing quickly.
Just these past few days I had more baby Tulasis appear. After I had transplanted one of the bigger Tulasis, three more baby ones had appeared and I did not even plant these. I don't know how she got there. This Tulasi is hanging over on the side of teh pot so there was no way seeds could have fallen in there! Unless these seeds have been there but got lost in the soil and maybe somehow found their way near the top so that they could grow. So today i put them in their own pot as well so as not to get lost in the soil becasue they are so tiny. Then this morning when was nearly finished taking care of her I found yet ANOTHER baby Tulasi come up in the seedling container. I could have sworn she was done growing all her seeds. I was not expecting any more to pop up but apparently she is still linguiring in the soil somewhere still I think.
I always keep my guru Maharaj updated on how the baby Tulasis are doign and I always offer him a flower from Tulasi after I had offered it to her. He had told me to keep serving her and that she will take care of me. I also told him that I think Tulasi is trying to tell me something, and he said it's because she loves me but I don't deserve that kind of love from a pure devotee as I am still materially contaminated. Tulasi must be happy with the service I am doing for her at least I hope I am pleasing her because if she is pleased Krishna Himself is pleased.
I always go up to Tulasi's green house three times a day usually depending on how hot it is. I went up there three times today. I chant my rounds to her during japa in her greenhosue,,then after class I take care of her, and then later in the afternoon I try doing a little maha clean up in her greenhouse or I transplant her if she needs it or trim manjaris if I run out of time in the morning. When I clean her room though I still feel as though it's still not clean enough for her! I feel that there still is something to do in her greenhouse. Tulasi usually lets me know what she wants done. Other times I can figure it out myself what needs to be done.
My guru Maharaj will be going on his fourth walk across Canada soon. So I know I will keep busy withTulasi until he returns. He's been travelling so much nd I find myself missing him a lot but Tulasi helps ease the pain of separation from him because he instructed me to take care of her so when I take care of her I can feel my guru maharaj's presence while he's away.
All glories to Tulasi Maharani.
Today I had spent nearly 5 hours in her green house in the sweltering heat. But service needed to be done for her. I have so many baby Tulasis to care for and I transplanted 19 of them today because they were too big for the seedling container. I needed to wash her pots and then add fresh soil to them. I think she will grow a lot faster if she is in her own pot instead of all together in a seedling container. Most of the Baby Tulasis are getting ready to grow another set of leaves! Some of them are looking so pretty even now and Im finding myself very much attached to her becasue of how pretty she looks. She maybe tiny now but her leaves are looking big and beautiful. And she is only about three weeks old! She is growing quickly.
Just these past few days I had more baby Tulasis appear. After I had transplanted one of the bigger Tulasis, three more baby ones had appeared and I did not even plant these. I don't know how she got there. This Tulasi is hanging over on the side of teh pot so there was no way seeds could have fallen in there! Unless these seeds have been there but got lost in the soil and maybe somehow found their way near the top so that they could grow. So today i put them in their own pot as well so as not to get lost in the soil becasue they are so tiny. Then this morning when was nearly finished taking care of her I found yet ANOTHER baby Tulasi come up in the seedling container. I could have sworn she was done growing all her seeds. I was not expecting any more to pop up but apparently she is still linguiring in the soil somewhere still I think.
I always keep my guru Maharaj updated on how the baby Tulasis are doign and I always offer him a flower from Tulasi after I had offered it to her. He had told me to keep serving her and that she will take care of me. I also told him that I think Tulasi is trying to tell me something, and he said it's because she loves me but I don't deserve that kind of love from a pure devotee as I am still materially contaminated. Tulasi must be happy with the service I am doing for her at least I hope I am pleasing her because if she is pleased Krishna Himself is pleased.
I always go up to Tulasi's green house three times a day usually depending on how hot it is. I went up there three times today. I chant my rounds to her during japa in her greenhosue,,then after class I take care of her, and then later in the afternoon I try doing a little maha clean up in her greenhouse or I transplant her if she needs it or trim manjaris if I run out of time in the morning. When I clean her room though I still feel as though it's still not clean enough for her! I feel that there still is something to do in her greenhouse. Tulasi usually lets me know what she wants done. Other times I can figure it out myself what needs to be done.
My guru Maharaj will be going on his fourth walk across Canada soon. So I know I will keep busy withTulasi until he returns. He's been travelling so much nd I find myself missing him a lot but Tulasi helps ease the pain of separation from him because he instructed me to take care of her so when I take care of her I can feel my guru maharaj's presence while he's away.
All glories to Tulasi Maharani.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Last Nights Home Program
Don't get me wrong. I love home programs. And this one was particularly great. I loved it except toward the end where everyone was crammed into the small temple room downstairs in the house. But other than that it was a great program all around.
Three sanniyasis were there and my guru Maharaj Bhaktimarga Swami was one of them. My guru Maharaj led a fantastic kirtan as he always does. I love how he leads kirtan and his singing voice is great! Better than the karmi musicians I used to like. Now if I see any concert, I only want to see my guru Maharaj lead kirtan. He is my favorite and always will be.
Then the other two guru maharajs gave lectures. I really liked the one guru maharaj as he had a sense of humor as he told the stories about Krishna and the gopis. I liked him.I enjoyed the past times that the other two guru maharajs gave about Krishna. It was nectar to my ears. After that there were girls who danced on stage and a light drama about baby krishna. Then my guru Maharaj led kirtan again, and he led everyone downstairs to the temple room. However I could not stay for long because it was too small of a room with too many people in it. I felt too crammed and felt like i couldn't breath so I went outside to get some air. I tried to chant some rounds while I waited for everyone to come back up. I was feeling tired exhausted, and a bit upset. Maharaj then came up and saw me. He came over to me to check on me to see if I was okay. He knew I was exhausted and wanted to go back to the temple. He was so kind to me and gave me comfort. He is the only one who can calm me down when i get stressed out. He told me I didn't have to go to Mangal Aarti the next morning but I did anyway. I cannot bear going without seeing krishna first thing in the morning. Krishna is what keeps me going through out the day if i see Him first thing.
So today Im resting up a bit. Im in my room because i need a break from the crowds. I should be okay and recovered by tomorrow. but other than that the program was still nice. :)
Three sanniyasis were there and my guru Maharaj Bhaktimarga Swami was one of them. My guru Maharaj led a fantastic kirtan as he always does. I love how he leads kirtan and his singing voice is great! Better than the karmi musicians I used to like. Now if I see any concert, I only want to see my guru Maharaj lead kirtan. He is my favorite and always will be.
Then the other two guru maharajs gave lectures. I really liked the one guru maharaj as he had a sense of humor as he told the stories about Krishna and the gopis. I liked him.I enjoyed the past times that the other two guru maharajs gave about Krishna. It was nectar to my ears. After that there were girls who danced on stage and a light drama about baby krishna. Then my guru Maharaj led kirtan again, and he led everyone downstairs to the temple room. However I could not stay for long because it was too small of a room with too many people in it. I felt too crammed and felt like i couldn't breath so I went outside to get some air. I tried to chant some rounds while I waited for everyone to come back up. I was feeling tired exhausted, and a bit upset. Maharaj then came up and saw me. He came over to me to check on me to see if I was okay. He knew I was exhausted and wanted to go back to the temple. He was so kind to me and gave me comfort. He is the only one who can calm me down when i get stressed out. He told me I didn't have to go to Mangal Aarti the next morning but I did anyway. I cannot bear going without seeing krishna first thing in the morning. Krishna is what keeps me going through out the day if i see Him first thing.
So today Im resting up a bit. Im in my room because i need a break from the crowds. I should be okay and recovered by tomorrow. but other than that the program was still nice. :)
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