This past Friday we had a 12 hour kirtan. It had started at 10am in the morning and went on until 10:30pm. Devotees from all over had started arriving in the morning and more had shown up later in the day. We were all getting ready for Ratha Yatra for the next two days. Everyone was bubbling with excitement.
Maharaj had started off the kirtan. I had recorded it on both audio and video, and took a few pictures of him leading kirtan. I always love listening to him lead kirtan. I love listeniing him more than listening to my old so called favorite bands like the Beatles and all. He sings so much better than they do! I made a couple dvds for my godbrother and godsister, Ramachandra das and Nitai Priya.
As the day went on I ran into Maha Laxshmi, Bhaktin Kim, Govinda Mohini, and Malati from New Vrndavan. They had arrived for the Festival of India and Ratha Yatra. I sat and chatted with them for a bit, catchng up on what has been happening in New Vrndavan.
Later in the day I went back upstairs to listen to the kirtan. I saw Gunagrahi Swami from a distance. It was great to see him again. He remembered me from the last time he visited. I've liked him when I first saw him. He reminds me of my own guru Maharaj in a way.
Then a prabhu came up to me and asked me to help cut up some cabbage for the feast that we were to have for the next two days. I helped out for a half hour while listening to the kirtan. I then saw bhaktin linda and chatted with her for a bit and I also saw Shanti mataji too. Everyone I knew was there for the 12 hour kirtan. There was a rumor that the harinam was cancelled but at the last minute I had gone outside and found my guru Maharaj ready to go out on harinam I ran back inside to grab my shoes and flew out the door. It was Krishna's mercy that had allowed me to go out on the harinam. Krishna has shown me so much mercy to a fallen soul like me. We went out on the harinam for two hours. I found it interesting as I went along with the harinam. I went with a couple of my godbrothers and godsisters I have met for the first time and then I was observing the people along the streets. People poked their heads out of windows and took pictures of us. Others were just watching or staring at us. And some were actually dancing with us. This one gentleman had joined in on the dancing which I found quite humourous.
Maharaj had really enjoyed the harinam too. I noticed he had funny expressions on his face as we walked along the streets chanting Krishna's Holy Name. He had enjoyed the harinam too observing the people along the streets. When we all got back to the temple we joined for the rest of the 12 hour kirtan. it went on for a half an hour more than it was scheduled. Then Maharaj said to us after it was over "Now go to sleep like good little childeren." But we all wanted more lol. I know I did. It was too bad it wasn't a 24 hour kirtan. I love kirtans. They are fun to be in. I didn't go to bed until 12 midnight.
But it was a fun kirtan.:)
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
What we can learn from demigods
Lately I have found that we can learn many things from the demigods. Especially from King Indra. I believe that Krishna had King Indra act in such a way to show us how to be humble and not be puffed up with material opulence, or power, or position in spiritual life. I think King Indra is one of my favorite demigods, because I can learn so much from him.
I have seen or read about how King Indra shows off his exalted position. Krishna had simply crushed his pride by protecting the inhabitants of Vrndavan. He had lifted Govardana Hill with His left hand with only His little pinky finger. He was only 8 years old when He had done this miracle. Krishna held this Hill for 7 days and 7 nights. As a result it made King Indra even more angry until eventually his anger and pride had caused him to fall and realize his real position. He was angry because not only did Krishna protect the inhabitants of Vrndavan but because Krishna had also stopped the fire sacrifice for King Indra.
This helps me to show what my real position is too. King Indra thought he was the "doer," because he controls the rains. But in reality his is only doing his duty by Lord Vishnu's order. This is the one thing I need to learn is that I am not the 'doer.' I don't know why it is taking me so long to realize this. Krishna has proven to me many times that I am not the doer, but my mind refuses to believe it. How can i stop thinking in this way? It may take me a life time to realize this or it may take me more time in my next life to realize this.
So after Krishna had destroyed King Indra's pride, he had apologized to Krishna realizing that he had offended Him. So King Indra can teach us not to be puffed up with our position other wise we will suffer as a result.
It is also easy to see how King Indra gets caught up in his material opulence., and power. I often get caught up in negativity or problems that go on in the temple if I am involved in it. This does affect my conciousness, and it's one of my major weak points. I have been told by devotees to just constantly glorify Krishna in what ever I do whether it be chanting or doing service or doing both at the same time which is probably better. I often try to talk about Krishna's childhood pasttimes with devotees in the kitchen as it does remind me of Mother Yasoda churing butter and with little Krishna getting into mischief while she is doing her chores. I also try to listen to devotional music as I am doing my service to keep my mind focused on Krishna as well. Im gettign a little better I think but to me I still feel like Im not doing good enough. Lately I've been trying ot chant a little more to help this feeling of something missing go away. Maybe I will study a little more about King Indra and how he was able to get out of the clutches of maya, power, etc and realized that he is a servant of Krishna.
I have seen or read about how King Indra shows off his exalted position. Krishna had simply crushed his pride by protecting the inhabitants of Vrndavan. He had lifted Govardana Hill with His left hand with only His little pinky finger. He was only 8 years old when He had done this miracle. Krishna held this Hill for 7 days and 7 nights. As a result it made King Indra even more angry until eventually his anger and pride had caused him to fall and realize his real position. He was angry because not only did Krishna protect the inhabitants of Vrndavan but because Krishna had also stopped the fire sacrifice for King Indra.
This helps me to show what my real position is too. King Indra thought he was the "doer," because he controls the rains. But in reality his is only doing his duty by Lord Vishnu's order. This is the one thing I need to learn is that I am not the 'doer.' I don't know why it is taking me so long to realize this. Krishna has proven to me many times that I am not the doer, but my mind refuses to believe it. How can i stop thinking in this way? It may take me a life time to realize this or it may take me more time in my next life to realize this.
So after Krishna had destroyed King Indra's pride, he had apologized to Krishna realizing that he had offended Him. So King Indra can teach us not to be puffed up with our position other wise we will suffer as a result.
It is also easy to see how King Indra gets caught up in his material opulence., and power. I often get caught up in negativity or problems that go on in the temple if I am involved in it. This does affect my conciousness, and it's one of my major weak points. I have been told by devotees to just constantly glorify Krishna in what ever I do whether it be chanting or doing service or doing both at the same time which is probably better. I often try to talk about Krishna's childhood pasttimes with devotees in the kitchen as it does remind me of Mother Yasoda churing butter and with little Krishna getting into mischief while she is doing her chores. I also try to listen to devotional music as I am doing my service to keep my mind focused on Krishna as well. Im gettign a little better I think but to me I still feel like Im not doing good enough. Lately I've been trying ot chant a little more to help this feeling of something missing go away. Maybe I will study a little more about King Indra and how he was able to get out of the clutches of maya, power, etc and realized that he is a servant of Krishna.
Pre-Ratha Yatra Week
This week is going to be incredible busy. So much service has to be done. 40,000 people attend Ratha Yatra almost every year. So alot of cooking and cleaning around the temple must be done.
I've been given a lot of service to do. Hara Kumar asked me to take over in caring for Tulasi Devi. It feels so nice to take fully care of her again. This time I hope to serve her better. Im such a fallen soul and unqualified to take care of her but Tulasi is still so merciful and still wishes me to serve her even though there are more qualified devotees here than myself to take care of her.
Then my guru Maharaj gave me some extra service to do. He wanted me to clean around outside the temple. There was trash and weeds all around the temple. Im pretty much finished with that service now. I had just finished the front side of the temple. My guru Maharaj was very pleased and happy with the results of how i cleaned it. Im very happy that he is pleased. Krishna knows I wish to keep my guru Maharaj pleased and happy. The first day when I had started this service I spent five hours straight outside pulling weeds, sweeping the drive way, picking up trash, and pulling more weeds out from the small garden outfront. My back was hurting me the next day so I couldn't do much. It seems like whenever I do strenous work like this my back hurts me the next day. But I had to do this service to please my guru Maharaj and it was direct service to him.
Mahavendra Puri also requested me to concentrate on the dishes. There are already so many devotees helping in the kitchen. So I really couldn;t get to the sink. There were devotees cleanign the kitchen and cutting vegetables and cooking. I helped a little bit but my back was in pain again. I think I may have to buy some inexpensive shoes to wear in the kitchen. Maybe going barefoot or standing barefooted hurts my back since the floor is so hard. I'll see if I can find some shoes that are not leather to wear.
We also have a 12 hour kirtan this week. I am looking forward to that. And I can't wait to attend ratha yatra as well. I've never been to a large Ratha yatra before only small ones in Cleveland Ohio. I love going ot Krishna Conciousness festivals. They are a lot of fun. :) Who would think that religion and spirituality can be fun in life? It helps one to keep ones mind focused on Krishna who is God Himself.
I've been given a lot of service to do. Hara Kumar asked me to take over in caring for Tulasi Devi. It feels so nice to take fully care of her again. This time I hope to serve her better. Im such a fallen soul and unqualified to take care of her but Tulasi is still so merciful and still wishes me to serve her even though there are more qualified devotees here than myself to take care of her.
Then my guru Maharaj gave me some extra service to do. He wanted me to clean around outside the temple. There was trash and weeds all around the temple. Im pretty much finished with that service now. I had just finished the front side of the temple. My guru Maharaj was very pleased and happy with the results of how i cleaned it. Im very happy that he is pleased. Krishna knows I wish to keep my guru Maharaj pleased and happy. The first day when I had started this service I spent five hours straight outside pulling weeds, sweeping the drive way, picking up trash, and pulling more weeds out from the small garden outfront. My back was hurting me the next day so I couldn't do much. It seems like whenever I do strenous work like this my back hurts me the next day. But I had to do this service to please my guru Maharaj and it was direct service to him.
Mahavendra Puri also requested me to concentrate on the dishes. There are already so many devotees helping in the kitchen. So I really couldn;t get to the sink. There were devotees cleanign the kitchen and cutting vegetables and cooking. I helped a little bit but my back was in pain again. I think I may have to buy some inexpensive shoes to wear in the kitchen. Maybe going barefoot or standing barefooted hurts my back since the floor is so hard. I'll see if I can find some shoes that are not leather to wear.
We also have a 12 hour kirtan this week. I am looking forward to that. And I can't wait to attend ratha yatra as well. I've never been to a large Ratha yatra before only small ones in Cleveland Ohio. I love going ot Krishna Conciousness festivals. They are a lot of fun. :) Who would think that religion and spirituality can be fun in life? It helps one to keep ones mind focused on Krishna who is God Himself.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Striving for Second Initiation
I've been thinking a lot about second initiation, and how much I would love to do things on the altar for Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha and Krishna. I know I am not quite ready yet for second initiation. But it never hurts think about it. Second initiation to me means more surrender to Krishna, which is what I wish to do. I have no interest in living outside the temple, because I fear if I do, Maya(illusion) will attack me. I also have no interest in family life(I don't want to start a family of my own).
This is one reason why I am taking on new servicesto spiritually advance more. Learning to cook, sing, and play musical instruments are the new services I took on. And I just recently started doing Guru Puja Aarti for Srila Prabhupada. So this is helping me fill in the empty spots in my devotional service to Krishna.
I also need to practice sanskrit more too. My sanskrit is improving slowly. I should try to chant the sanskrit in the Bhagavad Gita, but some verses are very difficult for me to chant. Im going to try and set a time everyday if I can to chant sanskrit verses somehow. Seems like around 5pm is when I have free time to do that. I am wondering too if I should ever get second initiation that I would be giving class on Bhagavad Gita or Srimad Bhagavatam if I get better with sanskrit. Im not very good with preaching but maybe someone here can show me how to give class one day. I may inquire to Maharaj about it one day when the time comes.
In the mean time I just hope and pray that Krishna will help me to surrender more unto Him, so that He may allow me to take on second initiation someday. :)
This is one reason why I am taking on new servicesto spiritually advance more. Learning to cook, sing, and play musical instruments are the new services I took on. And I just recently started doing Guru Puja Aarti for Srila Prabhupada. So this is helping me fill in the empty spots in my devotional service to Krishna.
I also need to practice sanskrit more too. My sanskrit is improving slowly. I should try to chant the sanskrit in the Bhagavad Gita, but some verses are very difficult for me to chant. Im going to try and set a time everyday if I can to chant sanskrit verses somehow. Seems like around 5pm is when I have free time to do that. I am wondering too if I should ever get second initiation that I would be giving class on Bhagavad Gita or Srimad Bhagavatam if I get better with sanskrit. Im not very good with preaching but maybe someone here can show me how to give class one day. I may inquire to Maharaj about it one day when the time comes.
In the mean time I just hope and pray that Krishna will help me to surrender more unto Him, so that He may allow me to take on second initiation someday. :)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Sunday Program/My Feelings for Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha
Wow what a Sunday program. I didn't go to the one last weekend as I had just gotten back to Toronto and felt very tired from a long trip and trying to get back in at the border. I went to the Sunday program tonight. It was very crowded. The guests are still here and it's 8:45pm. But somehow or other I tried to get to the front. It was hard at the 6pm Aarti as there were alot more guests. There was a bit of pushing and shoving but I did my best to tolerate it. I was grateful I didn't have anyone too tall in front of me so that I can see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. The Deities are looking more and more beautiful each time I see Them. And more and more I am falling in love with Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha.
This morning during Mangal Aarti, I noticed that Lord Krishna had a sweet smile on His face. And even Srimate Radharani too. It brought a smile to my own face. In the morning five minutes before the doors open, I always get anxious to see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha, sometimes I get very impatient because I am desparate to see Them. It's probably becuase I get the fear that I may not get to see Them again after I get back to the United States and I am trying to relish every moment being with Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha.
At the 8pm Aarti I did managed to get up front this time. It was much better and not as much pushing or shoving around. And I love the part near the end of the Aarti when the Pujaris hand out the flowers and fruits from the altar. It felt like being at the end of the concert where some musicians do hand out free stuff to the crowd in the front. Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha were merciful again to me. They let me have one of Their apples from Their altar. Not sure which one I got if it was Krishna's or Radha's but either way I felt very very fortunate that They were so merciful.
Lately, every time I do go to Aartis to see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha I feel so peaceful. No stress, no anxiety, no negativity even exist. I just feel so relaxed being with Them. Everytime I see Lord Krishna's Lotus Feet and Lotus Eyes, I feel as though all material desires, feelings of being pressured, lamentation, negativity and everything else just vanishes. I can't understand why I couldn't feel this way in New Vrndavan. That saddens me in a way that I couldn't feel the same there. Maybe one day again I'll get the same feelings there as I do here in Toronto. But for now I'm just so attached to Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. I found an old photo of Them in the gift shop that was only 25 cents or something like that. It's a really pretty photo of Them. Im going to try to get as many pics of Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha before I go back the United States in December so that I can alway see Them and feel peaceful when I see Their Lotus Faces. Even my shyness also goes away when I see Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. Now Im trying to get the courage to try and sing for them in the evening during the last Aarti or something like that. Eventually it will happen. I just need to learn how to play that harmonium so that I can sing better that way. For now i'll just have to use kartals. :)
There's just no question about it. Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha are my favorite Deities and always will be forever in my life. They mean the world to me now and They send light in my life when things get dark. I'll have to take breaks during service tomorrow to go to the Aartis to see Them. I feel I need to see Them every moment and that way maya can't attack me. Maya can just go away and go bug someone else! :D
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Absorbing My Mind In Krishna
Lately I've been trying to force my mind to think of Krishna and to avoid mundane talk or mundane thoughts. It is very difficult however being a very conditioned and fallen soul. I want to remember Krishna always...but at times my mind doesn't want to. I was reading some helpful hints in the book called "Japa" by Bhurijana Dasa. It's a really good book to help control the unsteady mind.
Being here with Sri Sri Radha Ksira Cora Gopinatha is helping keeping my mind totally fixed on Krishna. More realizations are pouring in like rain. I didn't have as many realizations in New Vrndavan but maybe when I do go back there I will. Maybe I'll be inspired again in New Vrndavan. But we'll see what Krishna arranges in where He wants me to go.
Service, more chanting, and more reading are the top keys I have found in remembering Krishna constantly. I would like to know how the previous Archaryas had managed to stay awake nearly 24 hours a day doing service for Krishna and constantly remembering Him. I wish I could do that, but I am very unfortunate that my mind does not allow me to. In the book "Japa" it was stated that one should try to disobey the mind to keep remembering Krishna. That is a tough one to do. This morning for example, I was so very tired from the program last night. I had forced myself to get up for Mangal Aarti, and forced myself to stay awake during japa. I tried to ignore my mind in what it wants to do. But Krishna is right, the mind is very very difficult to control due to maya (illusion) and material desires.
I have several things to work on, negativity, low self esteem, etc. I have to work on one at a time. Although I don't feel as negative when Im here. I feel the difference here with being a lot more positive. A lot of it has to do with my Guru Maharaj's influence. His association is a big help in keeping me positive. Also other devotees here are so kind and merciful. I've not had not one problem with anyone here. I know I will have challenges here though. Nothing in this world will always be a bed of roses.
Im happy I was able to record the classes and kirtans my guru Maharaj gave. i've been listening and watching them a lot lately to also keep my mind absorbed in Krishna. This evening while I was helping in the Govinda's Restaurant, I sat there reading the Krishna Book, and then I chanted four extra rounds. Yesterday I learned that all the Archaryas in the movement including my own guru Maharaj has to chant 64 rounds a day. I thought "wow" I wonder if I'll ever chant that many rounds?But one should not push one's self so fast otherwise one may fall down. That is one thing I want to do. Is to get more attracted to chanting Krishna's Holy Names. Chanting more will do that. But I should probably increase rounds slowly and not too fast.
I also asked my guru Maharaj a question the other day about being strict in spiritual life. He said it's good to be strict but not to the point to where you cannot handle it. In my experiences with senior devotees and devotees who are twice initiatied all have different levels of strictness in them. And they also have different opinions too to help stay in Krishna Conciousness. It's a bit overwhelming for me but I am training msyelf not to get so overwhelmed easily.
But overall I feel that I am doing a lot better since I came back to Toronto's temple. And being in Sri Sri Radha KsiraCora Gopinatha's presence is most welcoming, peaceful, and helps me to stay calm and makes me want to serve Them more. They have been so merciful to me. They are giving me some sort of service to do everyday. I was thinking this as I was cleaning up the restaurant. I was thinking "I love doing this service for Sri Sri Radha KsiraCora Gopinatha" I always want to serve Them somehow or other. I also need to try to go to every Aarti but sometimes I can't always due to some services that have to be done. But tomorrow I'll try to.
All glories to Sri Sri Radha KsiraCora Gopinatha. I know They will help me stay absorbed in Krishna Conciousness.
Being here with Sri Sri Radha Ksira Cora Gopinatha is helping keeping my mind totally fixed on Krishna. More realizations are pouring in like rain. I didn't have as many realizations in New Vrndavan but maybe when I do go back there I will. Maybe I'll be inspired again in New Vrndavan. But we'll see what Krishna arranges in where He wants me to go.
Service, more chanting, and more reading are the top keys I have found in remembering Krishna constantly. I would like to know how the previous Archaryas had managed to stay awake nearly 24 hours a day doing service for Krishna and constantly remembering Him. I wish I could do that, but I am very unfortunate that my mind does not allow me to. In the book "Japa" it was stated that one should try to disobey the mind to keep remembering Krishna. That is a tough one to do. This morning for example, I was so very tired from the program last night. I had forced myself to get up for Mangal Aarti, and forced myself to stay awake during japa. I tried to ignore my mind in what it wants to do. But Krishna is right, the mind is very very difficult to control due to maya (illusion) and material desires.
I have several things to work on, negativity, low self esteem, etc. I have to work on one at a time. Although I don't feel as negative when Im here. I feel the difference here with being a lot more positive. A lot of it has to do with my Guru Maharaj's influence. His association is a big help in keeping me positive. Also other devotees here are so kind and merciful. I've not had not one problem with anyone here. I know I will have challenges here though. Nothing in this world will always be a bed of roses.
Im happy I was able to record the classes and kirtans my guru Maharaj gave. i've been listening and watching them a lot lately to also keep my mind absorbed in Krishna. This evening while I was helping in the Govinda's Restaurant, I sat there reading the Krishna Book, and then I chanted four extra rounds. Yesterday I learned that all the Archaryas in the movement including my own guru Maharaj has to chant 64 rounds a day. I thought "wow" I wonder if I'll ever chant that many rounds?But one should not push one's self so fast otherwise one may fall down. That is one thing I want to do. Is to get more attracted to chanting Krishna's Holy Names. Chanting more will do that. But I should probably increase rounds slowly and not too fast.
I also asked my guru Maharaj a question the other day about being strict in spiritual life. He said it's good to be strict but not to the point to where you cannot handle it. In my experiences with senior devotees and devotees who are twice initiatied all have different levels of strictness in them. And they also have different opinions too to help stay in Krishna Conciousness. It's a bit overwhelming for me but I am training msyelf not to get so overwhelmed easily.
But overall I feel that I am doing a lot better since I came back to Toronto's temple. And being in Sri Sri Radha KsiraCora Gopinatha's presence is most welcoming, peaceful, and helps me to stay calm and makes me want to serve Them more. They have been so merciful to me. They are giving me some sort of service to do everyday. I was thinking this as I was cleaning up the restaurant. I was thinking "I love doing this service for Sri Sri Radha KsiraCora Gopinatha" I always want to serve Them somehow or other. I also need to try to go to every Aarti but sometimes I can't always due to some services that have to be done. But tomorrow I'll try to.
All glories to Sri Sri Radha KsiraCora Gopinatha. I know They will help me stay absorbed in Krishna Conciousness.
Trip to Scarborough Temple
Last night I went with maharaj Sri Kanta, and Mahavendra Puri and a mataji whose name is Bhaktin Linda to Scarborough's local temple that is about 20 minutes away. It felt nice to be back there again. Someone named Haridas was celebrating his 18th birthday that night while Maharaj was there. Maharaj had let him pick out a Bhagavad Gita verse to read from. Maharaj read from Ch. 12 in the Bhagavad Gita. His class lasted for about an hour. I have it all on video and audio. This way I have something to fall back on for devotional listening or watching something on DVD.
After the class, Maharaj gave his flower garland to Haridas. Such wonderful mercy Haridas had received from Maharaj. :) Then Maharaj led a fabulous kirtan which I only recorded on audio. The Deities they have at this temple are very cute. They are small but still very beautiful and elegent. I remember when I first came to this temple earlier in the year in Janurary only a day or two after my initiaition. I liked being there. Everyone is so friendly and open with one another. A few devotees remembered me from the last time I visited. I mostly chatted with Bhaktin Linda though during the time we had prasadam. The prasadm was pretty good although I did not eat any subji due to the spices but they had fruits and sweets and I had some rice too.
I took some photos too after the program. I took some after maharaj gave class and during the kirtan. And when we were about to leave I got a really cute photo of Maharaj with a little boy. Maharaj really loves being around childeren. I believe childeren are the ones that keep him feeling young. I hope that more childeren will be able to see Maharaj in the future so that they will get benefit from him.
Here are a few of the photos I took of last night's program.
After the class, Maharaj gave his flower garland to Haridas. Such wonderful mercy Haridas had received from Maharaj. :) Then Maharaj led a fabulous kirtan which I only recorded on audio. The Deities they have at this temple are very cute. They are small but still very beautiful and elegent. I remember when I first came to this temple earlier in the year in Janurary only a day or two after my initiaition. I liked being there. Everyone is so friendly and open with one another. A few devotees remembered me from the last time I visited. I mostly chatted with Bhaktin Linda though during the time we had prasadam. The prasadm was pretty good although I did not eat any subji due to the spices but they had fruits and sweets and I had some rice too.
I took some photos too after the program. I took some after maharaj gave class and during the kirtan. And when we were about to leave I got a really cute photo of Maharaj with a little boy. Maharaj really loves being around childeren. I believe childeren are the ones that keep him feeling young. I hope that more childeren will be able to see Maharaj in the future so that they will get benefit from him.
Here are a few of the photos I took of last night's program.
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