My Sweet Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha

Well I am missing Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha again. *sigh* It was also because Maharaj left to go back to Toronto today too. The pain of separation is almost unbearable. But for some reason Sri Sri Radha Vrndavan Chandra still want me here in New Vrndavan. I don't get it. Krishna knows what my desire is, but He's holding me back for now. Maybe He's trying to make me even more desparate for Him like He did with the Gopis when He went into hiding from them. Now I am also finding myself wanting a REALLY huge poster of Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha. I want to find a favorite outfit that I love seeing Them wear and make a big poster of that photo of Them.

I thought of another prayer for Sri Sri Radha Gopintha again.

My Sweet Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha.
Why is it taking so long to return to Toronto to You?
Im so heartbroken about being away from You.
Oh Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha,
I now see You as my real parents.
My biological parents are divorced
And felt I had no one at that time.
But now You came to me
With love and let me into Your family.
I consider You, my sweet Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha
To be my real transcendental parents,
Because You are never separated from one another.
You have accepted me as Your daughter
During my initiation on Jan. 1st.
That's when my attachement grew for You.
Please my sweet Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha
Help me to return back to Toronto to You soon.
I am crying for You Both.
Im so homesick being away from You Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha.
Please hear my prayer!
I love You Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha!

Last Day With Maharaj

Today was one of the hardest days of my life. Maharaj left at 12 noon today. Maharaj let me talk to him for a few minutes before he left. He did leave me some instructions and he even let me type his blog one more time. He instructed me to continue serving Tulasi Devi and fix up the shoe rack a bit. He also told me to get along with the authorities here which i do. I have no problems with them. Maharaj also told me that after Toronto's trip if all goes well to go to Miami. He said he'd talk with the devotees there into letting me stay there for the winter. We'll see how that goes.

Earlier before Maharaj left...I was feeling very strange like I was going to physically collapse. I didn't want him to leave. He knew I was terrified about him leaving. So he had ran into Jaya Krishna and asked him to look after me and also another devotee named Tulasi too. Maharaj knew I needed support.

Now Im finding myself BEGGING Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha to let me come back to Them. I will have to try and get a bus ticket to Buffalo. I HAVE to go to Toronto this week. I JUST HAVE to. Im feeling so homesick being away from Them as it is even more so now that Maharaj left this afternoon. 

Tomorrow is Lord Nrsimahadeva's Appearance Day My favorite time of the year. hopefully that will help me ease the pain of separation from my guru Maharaj.

Prayer to Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha in Toronto

My prayer to Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha (In Toronto)

My beloved Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha
I was just taking darshan of You.
More and more You are capturing my heart.
Your outfits are so beautiful and attractive
That it makes me want to cry.
I feel the pain of separation from You
My sweet Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha.
My heart just cries out to You.
Please help me to return to Toronto
To continue to serve You.
Please keep me in Your service always.
I am begging to do direct service for You
At Your temple in Toronto.
I miss seeing You in person Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha!
I love You so much Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha.
I've been thinking about You day and night
Even while my guru Maharaj is here.
Maharaj had told me that You are calling me back to You
And that You my dear sweet Srimate Radharani will take care of me.
Please let everything go well at the Canadian border for me to cross
And to come home to You! It is only by Your mercy Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha
That you will make this arrangement for me to come to continue to serve you in Toronto.
All glories to You Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha.

Your humble maidservant
Hari Lila Devi Dasi

Two Japa Walks Two Harinams

My guru Maharaj said something in his blog "Two by Two." I just experienced that this week transcendentally. I have absolutely LOVED all this association with my guru Maharaj. Krishna knew I need this association badly. He had allowed me to spend all this time by going out on japa walks with Maharaj and other devotees, and also on harinam twice!

The first japa walk we went on was up to where old vrndavan was where Srila Prabhupada used to stay, and there was an old mansion way up at the top of the hill where the orginial temple used to be in the 70's. I had never been up that way until Maharaj took us up there. We had gone on a three hour walk up there. we passed by Srila Prabhupada's old house. It was open and we went inside. There wasn't anything in it except a picture of Srila Prabhupada and a picture of Lord Jagganatha and an old flower garland hanging there. I could actually feel Srila Prabhupada's present there as if he was happy we had gone to see his house up there. My guru Maharaj was very sad to see the house in such bad shape because it was left abandoned and not preserved. I wish there was something I could do to help fix it up somehow. They could maybe make it into a tribute to Srila Prabhupada with parahanila so visitors can come up to visit it including the old temple in that mansion too. But they would first have to clear the path way up to the old mansion. The drive way is just over grown with grass and weeds, and there are too many tics in the woods as well. I'd be afraid to go up that way because of that. I hope that someday they will make a clearing for that. It would make my guru really happy to see Prabhupada's old house restored. But I guess they just don't have the money to do it yet. Srila Prabhupada really wanted seven temples here in New Vrndavan. I think they should attempt to remodle the old mansion and Srila Prabhupada's house  a little to get started with that. Now that i think about this I feel sad too about it. Maharaj is right. It is such a shame to see such a spiritual historic place go to waste. I now know what he was feeling. If I was weathly I would donate a lot of money to help get that restored so that the guests who come here have more to see. It would really bring in more people and may help to make more devotees.

The second japa walk we went on the next day. Maharaj took us down to a place where they actually make ghee. It was a ghee factory. I had never seen it before. Now that is something to where I could walk to safely because devotees do go that way. It was pretty cool to see how they made ghee. Then Maharaj took us to see some cows. These cows are "aging cows" ones that cannot give milk anymore they keep the older cows there. Some of the cows were really pretty. I liked the black one with the horns. There were some bulls there too and a donkey as well. Why people would want to eat these creatures is beyond me. I always loved going to farms and seeing animals run around but it sad out in the material world where there are slaughter houses and they kill these poor animals for people to eat. I DO NOT believe that God put those animals here for us to eat. That is WRONG. No where in the bible does God say he put those animals here for us to eat. It's just cruelty by human beings alone. They were the ones that said this not God. God cares for all living beings including animals like cows pigs and chickens. I think chickens are cute and cows too. Why would people want to eat these poor creatures?
They have feelings too like humans do but unfortunately not everyone believes in that. :(

After we went to the ghee factory we stopped at this very old and very small cemetary on the way back to the temple. Maharaj led us into the old cemetary by our temple. We sat in a circle and had a small kirtan. Then Maharaj gave us a little lecture on about how difficult it is to control our sense gratifications. Then Maharaj had picked a dandelion that had the white seeds on it. One devotee told him he had to make a wish with it. So Maharaj blew the white seeds at us and he said "I wish for you all to become great devotees." And then Maharaj had tossed the dandelion stem at my forehead which I took as his blessing and mercy to me. I felt purified with him doing that.

But I had a very nice two days on those japa walks. Maharaj sure does know how to take us out on an adventure and give us a good work out at the same time. That was the longest japa walk I've ever been on with Maharaj the other day on that three hour one and I enjoyed it even though it was difficult for me to walk up those steep hills.

Then we had two harinams. The first harinam was awesome. We walked along the streets of downtown Wheeling by the Ohio River. It was pretty ecstatic too. We stopped by this circle where there were benches and stayed there for awhile singing and dancing to the Holy Name. I danced like crazy and when maharaj motioned toward me to dance in the middle of the circle I did without hesitation. I didn't feel shy at all because this was maharaj leading the kirtan and when he leads kirtan I get BLISSED out big time It just felt soo good to hear him sing. I love how he sings. He's got a great singing voice. He sings a lot better than my favorite karmi musicians so now I only want to hear Maharaj lead kirtan and i don't want to hear any other musician except George of course because Maharaj told me not to put him away since he brought me to Krishna.  George is the only one I will NEVER give up on. Everything else I can. But anyways, somehow or other I gotta get a voice recorder and record Maharaj's kirtans and lectures so I have something to listen to, especially while he's away so I don't feel too much separation from him. It is very painful being separated from my guru while he's away. At the end of the kirtan Maharaj had blessed us by sprinkling water on all of us. Krishna has been so kind to us to letting Maharaj come with us on harinam.

Then the second harinam we went on was a bit quieter as we had fewer devotees. The first harinam we had about 40 devotees. but it was still fun to spend time with Maharaj on the harinam. Someone had actually played a violin for the harinam which I thought was pretty cool. Maharaj really liked that too. He had us walk in two lines two by two. On this harinam I had a realization. I told my friend Mandakini to watch Maharaj's lotus feet while he's walking because if we follow Maharaj's lotus feet, he will lead us back home to Krishna. :D I told Maharaj this and he smiled. Then at the end of the kirtan I joked around by sayng "One more time!!" And then Maharaj said jokingly "Okay lets go back" lol! I really did want to continue the harinam but we did have to go back to the temple. I hated it to end.

Maharaj has been so merciful. And he is still allowing me to serve him. I feel so loyal and dedicated to my guru Maharaj. I thanked him again today for allowing me to serve him. I enjoy it very much and it makes me happy to see him happy. I am going to continue to try and enjoy as much association with Maharaj while he's here in New Vrndavan and just relish it all.

Festival of Inspiration

Wow the weekend was incredible! The best weekend I had ever had in my life. I had my first hand experience in what the Festival of Inspiration is really like.

Friday morning I woke up so early at 2:15am. I was restless all night and only got three hours of sleep. I was just all excited about my guru Maharaj coming to stay for the week. I was so happy when I saw him that morning. I was just about to go out on a japa walk when he pulled up in the van! I gave him a flower garland and some offered tulasi leaves from the Lord's lotus feet. The minute I saw him I bowed down at his lotus feet and offered him my respectful obeisances. I helped Maharaj bring in his bag and then we all went to take a look at the stage where his drama play was to be held. A few of my godbrothers and godsisters came to the festival and other devotees from Cleveland and Toronto came. It made me feel like I was both in Cleveland and Toronto with all of them here. Krishna was merciful to me this weekend.  All that good association.  And then afterwards when Maharaj got settled in a little he took Sing Lung and I out on a very brief japa walk around the pond. I was already blissed out. Maharaj told me the other day "you are aways blissful."

Saturday was awesome too. I watched all the drama rehearsals. It was interesting how Maharaj directed the play and how he trains the actors into doing what they are supposed to do. Maharaj had said in his  blog he felt guilty about being so hard on some of the actors. But I look at it as you have to be hard sometimes in order to get the actors to do what they have to do otherwise it may not get done. Professional directors are probably hard on their actors too. So now I have a feel of what it is like to be in Maharaj's drama play. Although I'd be kind of scared to be in it as I dont' want to commit an offense to him by making a mistake in the play. Im very careful about how I serve Maharaj with devotion.

Sunday was probably the best. The drama play was just so cool and funny! The Three Lives of Bharata I think is one of my favorite plays by Maharaj and also The Boatman too is really funny. The costumes were really cool too. My favorite part in the play I think was when the two brahmacaries ran into each other and the basket of rice flew high in the air. And I also loved the part where the one bramharcari was teaching his brother how to put on a dhoti and sacred thread. I love my guru maharaj's plays. I only want to see his drama plays and not these other mundane plays that people would see normally everyday.

Then on Sunday after the play there was just so much mercy from Krishna Himself. Krishna knew how much I really wanted to surrender my services to my guru Maharaj. I was able to serve him some maha fruit and also lunch as well. And the best service he allowed me to do was ironing his clothes. I seriously wanted to cry when I was doing that. Maharaj is kind to me to allow me to serve him like this. And I enjoy helping to take very good care of him and making sure he has everything he needs. It makes me happy to see him happy. Then later in the afternoon I sat with some devotees and Maharaj outside for hours on end. That was the best association I've had. And then later in Govinda's Maharaj got pizza for everybody! He really is wonderful. Im so happy Krishna chose him to be my guru. He knew I needed someone like him to guide and inspire me so much. Krishna must have been pleased to allow me to have all this association with my guru. I hope I can continue to please Krishna.

I was sad to see the devotees of Toronto and Cleveland leave. :( I had so much fun with them this weekend. I hope all goes well at the border in Canada so that I can see the Toronto devotees again. I told Maharaj that I miss Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha and he said that they are calling me back to Them and that They too miss me as well. I really do miss my sweet Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha.

But overall the festival was fantastic. I hope I can come again next year with maharaj and the toronto devotees.

Omg Im So Nervous!!!!!!!!

All of a sudden when I went to go do the Deity plate transfer tonight, I suddenly felt very nervous. I was shaking all over. It could be both nerves and excitement of this weekend. I just don't know. It felt like I was running back and forth doing service trying to calm my nerves! How will I sleep tonight? omg.  So many of my godbrothers and godsisters are coming including my guru Maharaj.

I'm still trying to prepare myself for Maharaj's arrival. I think that is the major reason why Im feeling so nervous. I have not seen him in two months. Im still shaking like a leaf right now. Maybe I'll get myself a sprite soda or something to calm me down. Im like high strung right now and so jumpy. I just hope to Krishna Im not going to be in tears when I see Maharaj. Because Maharaj has been so very kind to me. I feel so restless and can't seem to sit down! I know the minute I see him I'd be falling at his lotus feet offering him obeisances.  Omg Im so nervous I feel like Im going to cry! I hope I can fall asleep tonight. But that is going to be difficult!

Big Weekend Ahead

Tomorrow the festival of inspiration begins! I am preparing myself for it. I hope I am not going to have a hard time sleeping tonight as i did earlier this week. My guru Maharaj and godbrothers and godsisters will be here tomorrow. My guru will probably be here around 2am in the morning. I plan on getting myself up early just in case he goes into the temple room at 3am so that I can give him a garland.I have to get the garland tonight and also two more for one of my godbrothers and godsisters. And Im glad there is still offered Tulasi leaves too that I can give to my guru Maharaj since he does not eat maha sweets.

Today I kept myself busy in the pujari room for three hours. I still need to squeeze in another three hours of service somehow or other. I'll probably go back into the pujari room a bit later Im just taking a break for lunch. I did  a lot of cleaning in the pujari room this morning. I try to save a bit of cleaning everyday so that I don't run out of things to do. I hope the authorities bought some wood polish so that I can do some wood polishing in the pujari room and temple room. I'll have to see Bhaktin Shannon sometime later today about the wood polish. Maybe I can do some this evening if they bought some, while I wait to do the Deity plate transfer.

There are three huge tents outside ready to use. One swami had arrived this morning. The others will probably be here tomorrow including mine. I hope my Guru Maharaj will lead kirtan tomorrow morning. Oh boy will that be a party in Krishna's house lol!  Like I said before its like waiting to see your favorite rock band in concert on this is 1000 times better because it's free, transcendental and a lot of fun! What better way to spend the weekend than to hear your guru Maharaj sing the Holy Name of Krishna in the temple room? That is pure nectar! I just wish I had a video voice recorder to record his kirtans so that I can listen to them everyday. But when I go back to Canada I'll get one just for that purpose.

There are lots of other activities going ont this weekend during the festivals. There will be plenty of transcendental lectures, and activities for childeren. My guru Maharaj will present a drama play called The Three Lives of Bharata which I have seen already but I'd love to see it again as it is so funny! I love my guru's drama plays.  Also the other Swamis will be doing some sort of presentations. Not sure what those are. Radhanatha Swami will also be here. I never met him before. He is very very popular and has many disciples. I haven't read too much about him, I felt much too connected to my own guru Maharaj. They say that you'll know who your aspiring guru is if you are looking for one and that is the truth as I had first hand experience with that. Krishna's been so merciful to me by allowing me to search out only once for a guru. I hope other bhaktas and bhaktins out there will take initiation from their guru maharaj or find a guru right for them.

I plan on helping my guru Maharaj as much as I can while he's here. Especially with his drama play I know he will need some help. Im happy I'll be plenty busy this weekend and also have fun at the same time. It's all in good fun doing service for Krishna's devotees this weekend and everyday. I still pray and hope my friend Dayal will come along with Konstantine and Kaustubha das on Sunday. A few other Cleveland devotees are coming too. I'll be hanging out with them this weekend for sure.

I just hope the weather won't ruin this entire weekend as it is supposed to rain. Hopefully it will only rain lightly thens stop and clear up. Today is beautiful outside. Just the right temperature and it's sunny. It looks pretty here when it's sunny outside.

Well the count down for the festival of inspiration is down to the final hours! Got to get myself ready!Hare Krishna