Double Blessings In Disguise

Well I've been travelling for two days and I am now here at my grandmother's house in California.
I had to travel by bus first to get to Pittsburgh for my flight. My travelling around this time turned out to be a bit stressful.

The beginning of my journey was going by smoothly. Deva Datta my godbrother took me to the bus station the other morning. So my bus arrived to Erie PA with no problem. But then I learned I could not take the bus out to Pittsburgh from there and that is where all the trouble started. I had to sit there for five long hours to take the bus to Cleveland. That was one blessing though going back to my hometown Cleveland for a few hours. But I was growing tired as I was waiting. I tried chanting some extra rounds and read from my krishna book to help me stay awake and remember Krishna. I knew Krishna would help me get through this. So when the bus to Cleveland arrived to pick me up I discovered the bus had wireless internet on it. So I plugged in my computer and logged into mayapur.tv to watch mayapur's webcam. And much to my surprise, I learned that Maharaj was giving the Srimad Bhagavatam class. Oh how my heart just ACHED to hear Maharaj give class again! I almost started to cry. Krishna knew I wanted to hear Maharaj give class on the webcam so much and He fullfilled my desire yet again! Krishna has been so merciful to me. My trip would have been unbearable had I not gotten to see Maharaj give that class.It brought me peace of mind. So that was the double blessing from Krishna going to Cleveland for a bit and then seeing Maharaj on the webcam.

But later on, I went through some severe austerities. I did not sleep at all for a day and a half. The bus made me miss my flight and as a result I had so much trouble at the airport with finding a new flight, getting my bag checked in, and then at the security check point, and getting on the plane, they could not understand my ticket. So I had to sit there all day at the airport till 2:45pm. After that things went smoothly except at the end where my bag wasn't at the airport. So they told me today that my bag will be here around 1pm.

But over all Krishna still got me through this mess. I hope and pray things will go well for when I go back to New Vrndavan, and Toronto as well.

Letter To Srila Prabhupada

I wrote a letter to Srila Prabhupada tonight. I am leaving Toronto Saturday morning and I was expressing my feelings about it to him in the letter. Since Srila Prabhuada is back home back in Godhead with Krishna, I know he can see my letter here on the website.  Also Lord Krishna can see and read it here as well.I felt that I had to write to him first since I cannot go directly to Krishna alone about something transcendental. What I am asking Srila Prabhupada is not material but spiritual because I wish to return to Toronto to serve the devotees and my guru. So here is what I wrote to Srila Prabhupada. :) I thought I'd like to share it here too.

Please accept my humble obeisances
All glories to you!

My dear Srila Prabhupada
I am much too fallen of a soul to even write this to you. You are a pure devotee of Lord Krishna, and just thinking that, I feel so contaminated with sins and desires. Please forgive me for any sins I may have comitted. Sometimes I feel so ignorant of spiritual knowledge.  But that is why you strongly said for us to approach a bona fide spiritual master and also to associate with devotees to fix our conciousness to be Krishna Conciousness.

I should know better that you are still always here for you are in our hearts, in your books, and  also in your murti form in the temples. But yet sometimes I still feel so blind to even see that or understand it. But I have faith that you will show me that you are still here. You have given me little drops of nectar letting me know that. For example, when my guru maharaj, Bhaktimarga Swami left for India, I was feeling severe separation even before he left that day. But then a couple days later, I read in a biography about you that you said to your disciples before you left for India, that your guru is always with them, and that the grandfather always takes care of his spiritual childeren better than the father, so that would make you my grandfather, and I must learn to rely on you for help always even while my guru is physically here in the temple. Thank you for giving me comfort as I was feeling separation from my guru.

I am also concerned about leaving New Remuna Dham. I have to cross the Canadian border to get to the United States for my plane to California. But I stayed longer than Jan. 5th and I hope that the border officers there will still let me pass, and not give me a hard time. I wish to return to New Remuna Dham in April as soon as possible. I am humbly asking you if you can inquire to Lord Krishna into allowing me to return to Toronto wth your blessing and Lord Krishna's blessing. I felt that I could not ask Lord Krishna Himself directly abou this but through you first as only the spiritual master can help one to spiritually advance and receive mercy from Krishna. I love serving the devotees here and my guru, and you, and Lord Krishna here in Toronto. It is where I am happiest. I strongly feel that I can spiritually advance here in New Remuna Dham.
All glories to you!

Your humble servant
~Hari Lila Devi Dasi

Krishnagirl

This morning hadn't started off so great for me. I had woken up with a splitting headache. I had to go lay down and I missed Bhagavatam class due to not feeling well at all. Later in the morning after breakfast I took two asprins which helped. By lunch time I was better and went out for my afternoon hour walk just as my guru instructed me to do.

But there was only one problem with this afternoon's walk. It was snowing really hard, and it was windy. But it wasn't that cold outside. So I chanted my japa and tried to think of Krishna's smiling face to help me to forget the snow and wind. As I was doing that I kept thinking that I was growing very fond of Krishna's blackish complexion.Krishna here at this temple is black, and so is He in Mayapur as well which makes Him very beautiful. My guru has said in his blog at one point that even he likes Krishna when He is black. I especially love how Krishna looks when His face is painted especially around His Lotus Eyes. It makes Him look so beautiful, mystical, and opulant.

As I made my way down Bloor Street, I passed by local department store. There was a gentleman there who was a door greeter. He said hello to me and asked me how I was doing. Then he surprises me by saying "So you are a Krishnagirl?"
"Yes, how did you guess?" I asked
"You have tilak on," he said. I totally forgot I had my tilak on! That made me realize that tilak really does remind one of Krishna, so he got benefit by saying Krishna's name. That also brought a smile to my face and also made me forget about the snow and wind when the gentleman said Krishna's name.
This gentleman said he knew of our local temple. Too bad I didn't have one of our books to give to him at the time. But I invited him to come for prasadam later at 6:30pm. Hopefully he will.

Trusting In Krishna

My guru had told me not to be in anxiety. That is very difficult in my case. I've always been in anxiety and fear for most of my life until I had found refuge in Krishna. But my fear and anxiety is still lingering. I think that is another one of my downfalls in my spiritual life. I know Srila Prabhupada would say to keep chanting...which I am doing the best I can as well.

I still have a fear of leaving this temple, but also trying to return to Canada to come back to this temple. I just hope everything will work out. I read online that if a person doesn't get their passport stamped with a time frame that they are allowed to stay for, then they can remain in Canada for six months. It didn't stay whether or not to notify them. Hopefully by Krishna's causless mercy He will allow me go thru crossing the border without problems and hopefully allow me to return to Canada to continue serivng my Guru Maharaj and His devotees here. That is all I wish to do now. I know I must learn to leave everything in Krishna's hands. He knows my heart better than I do myself since He controls it. I try to think of how Krishna had answered my prayers during the past two months of my stay here in Canada, so I have to have faith in Him again with this. He knows that I can serve Him better here in Canada, but Krishna may throw a twist at me and have me stay in New Vrndavan for more austerity...even though I have been through a lot of austerity there before. Krishna can do with me as He likes. I have to trust in His plan in whatever He does, even if I am in fear. Srila Prabhpada once told me in a dream "Have faith in Krishna." Now's the time to work on that. I felt that this temple has been my safe haven. I felt so protected here and still do. Maybe with this it will force me to think of Krishna more and trust in Him. These last few days of my stay here I will meditate on that. I should email my guru Maharaj about this one also and see what he may say, but I may have to wait since he is busy in India and I do not want to disturb him at the moment. Again, this is where I have to trust in Krishna alone. I found a verse in Ch 4 Text 10 of the Bhagavad Gita and this I should go over for the next few days...

TRANSLATION

Being freed from attachment, fear and anger, being fully absorbed in Me and taking refuge in Me, many, many persons in the past became purifled by knowledge of Me—and thus they all attained transcendental love for Me.

PURPORT

As described above, it is very difficult for a person who is too materially affected to understand the personal nature of the Supreme Absolute Truth. Generally, people who are attached to the bodily conception of life are so absorbed in materialism that it is almost impossible for them to understand that there is a transcendental body which is imperishable, full of knowledge and eternally blissful. In the materialistic concept, the body is perishable, full of ignorance and completely miserable. Therefore, people in general keep this same bodily idea in mind when they are informed of the personal form of the Lord. For such materialistic men, the form of the gigantic material manifestation is supreme. Consequently they consider the Supreme to be impersonal. And because they are too materially absorbed, the conception of retaining the personality after liberation from matter frightens them. When they are informed that spiritual life is also individual and personal, they become afraid of becoming persons again, and so they naturally prefer a kind of merging into the impersonal void. Generally, they compare the living entities to the bubbles of the ocean, which merge into the ocean. That is the highest perfection of spiritual existence attainable without individual personality. This is a kind of fearful stage of life, devoid of perfect knowledge of spiritual existence. Furthermore there are many persons who cannot understand spiritual existence at all. Being embarassed by so many theories and by contradictions of various types of philosophical speculation, they become disgusted or angry and foolishly conclude that there is no supreme cause and that everything is ultimately void. Such people are in a diseased condition of life. Some people are too materially attached and therefore do not give attention to spiritual life, some of them want to merge into the supreme spiritual cause, and some of them disbelieve in everything, being angry at all sorts of spiritual speculation out of hopelessness. This last class of men take to the shelter of some kind of intoxication, and their affective hallucinations are sometimes accepted as spiritual vision. One has to get rid of all three stages of attachment to the material world: negligence of spiritual life, fear of a spiritual personal identity, and the conception of void that underlies the frustration of life. To get free from these three stages of the material concept of life, one has to take complete shelter of the Lord, guided by the bona fide spiritual master, and follow the disciplines and regulative principles of devotional life. The last stage of the devotional life is called bhāva, or transcendental love of Godhead.
According to Bhakti-rasāmṛta-sindhu, the science of devotional service:

ādau śraddhā tataḥ sādhu-saṅgo ’tha bhajana-kriyā
tato ’nartha-nivṛttiḥ syāt tato niṣṭhā rucis tataḥ
athāsaktis tato bhāvas tataḥ premābhyudañcati
sādhakānām ayaṁ premṇaḥ prādurbhāve bhavet kramaḥ.

“In the beginning one must have a preliminary desire for self-realization. This will bring one to the stage of trying to associate with persons who are spiritually elevated. In next stage one becomes initiated by an elevated spiritual master, and under his instruction the neophyte devotee begins the process of devotional service. By execution of devotional service under the guidance of the spiritual master, one becomes free from all material attachment, attains steadiness in self-realization, and acquires a taste for hearing about the Absolute Personality of Godhead, Śrī Kṛṣṇa. This taste leads one further forward to attachment for Kṛṣṇa consciousness, which is matured in bhāva, or the preliminary stage of transcendental love of God. Real love for God is called premā, the highest perfectional stage of life.” In the premā stage there is constant engagement in the transcendental loving service of the Lord. So, by the slow process of devotional service, under the guidance of the bona fide spiritual master, one can attain the highest stage, being freed from all material attachment, from the fearfulness of one’s individual spiritual personality, and from the frustrations resulting from void philosophy. Then one can ultimately attain to the abode of the Supreme Lord.

Cancelled

Nearly everything got pretty much cancelled today. It was raining outside, and I couldn't go outside for my hour walk but I at least walked for an hour in the temple. But this morning my back started to hurt me and by the time my walk was done, I was in pain again. I was supposed to go to a home program but I cancelled on going due to back pain. And knowing what Maharaj would say to me he'd tell me to rest which is what I am doing. The home program would have let out at midnight, and I know that my back would be screaming in pain by then. The weather also effects it as well. So I struggled a lot today with my walk and service but I had to do that much at least. I tried to rest as much as possible.

Today was pretty quiet otherwise. I was almost starting to get teary eyed knowing that it's almost time for me to leave this temple. I don't want to leave sweet Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha. Between Maharaj being in India and now leaving the temple soon is taking it's toll on me. I'm trying my best to be strong about it knowing that I do have a bus ticket to come back to Toronto as long as I don't have a problem crossing the border.
I'll just be sure to have my picture f Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha with me at all times and especially my Lord Nrsimahadeva picture for protection to help me get through this.

Leading Guru Puja and Favorite Srila Prabhupada Past Times

Well this morning Krishna surprised me again. I was not expecting to take the lead role in singing the Guru Puja song. Of course naturally I was nervous as I am singing for a pure devotee of Krishna. I would have been doubly nervous had my own guru Maharaj had been physically standing there hearing me sing it. The devotees wanted me to lead the song this morning. So I did, but I had to have the words in front of me so as not to fumble on it. I hope Srila Prabhupada will forgive me for any offense I may have committed while trying to pronounce some of the words, because my sanskrit is terrible. But at the same time after the song, I felt a bit closer to Srila Prabhupada. I hope I did not disappoint him in any way, I don't think I did. I did feel some comfort from Srila Prabhupada lately. He must know I am suffering separation from my own dear guru Maharaj Bhaktimarga Swami who is currently in India.  I believe it was verification from Srila Prabhupada letting me know he is there when guidance is needed.

So after all this happened I began to read my biography book about Srila Prabhupada. I have a few favorite pasttimes of Srila Prabhupada like I do with Krishna. The one pasttime I read in Prabhupada Nectar Prabhupada asked a devotee "Do you think I am tricky?" And the devotee replies "No I don't." But then Prabhupada said "Yes I am tricky because I have tricked you all into being Krishna Conciousness."

Another favorite past time is when Srila Prabhupada was leaving for India, and his disciples were feeling separation from him. Srila Prabhupada said to his disciples "

I can understand that you are feeling separation, I am feeling for my Guru Maharaja. I think this is what Krishna wants."

And another nice quote from Srila Prabhupada "

I'm going but my Guru Maharaja and Bhaktivinoda are here." He points to his guru's picture. " I have asked them to take care of all of you my spiritual childeren. The grandfather always takes care of the childeren much better than the father. So do not fear. There is no question of separation. The sound vibration fixes us up together, even though the material body may not be there. What do we care for this material body? Just go on chanting Hare Krishna. and we will be packed up together. You will be chanting here and I will be chanting there., and this vibration will circulate the planet."

I wish I could have read those two quotes before my guru left for India but I didn't read it until two days after he left.

 

Another pasttime I found interesting was when Srila Prabhupada was having trouble in Bombay with the land owned by somebody named Mr. N. Mr. N had threatened Prabhupada and his disciples that he was going to demolish their temple. After he said that he had died two weeks later. That proves right there that Krishna does not tolerate any type of threat to His devotees. All glories to Lord Krishna.

 

And lastly there is one more past time of Prabhupada that I liked. After Srila Prabhupada arrived in America he wrote a letter to Krishna saying that Lord Krishna can do with him whatever he likes, and showed so much humbleness to Lord Krishna and Krishna had responded to him immediately because Srila Prabhupada really did have so much devotion to Krishna even though Srila Prabhupada said in his letter that he had no devotion at all. I try to follow that example that Srila Prabhupada had. I do my best to be humble to others. Being puffed up about one's pride or think that they are in control, one can fall down again. I am trying to avoid that downfall as much as possible and render service to my guru and devotees as much as I can.

It does take a lot of self realization to become Krishna Conciousness. Krishna will reveal Himself if one takes Krishna Conciousness seriously and just try to chant His holy names, and render service to a guru. I have personally had my own experiences with this so there is no doubt for me at all that Krishna is God, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, lord of all living entities. But I am the most fallen of souls too. I'm still covered in illusion and I'm no where near a pure devotee like Srila Prabhupada was. Far fromt that. All I can do is continue what I am doing chanting and hearing as Srila Prahupada wanted his disciples to do and also to preach but I'm not good at that one but I'm okay with the rest of the service, chanting, hearing, reading, about Krishna, and also helping to distribute his books too.

 

 

 

 

 

Early Bird/Lord Balarama/Lord Shiva

Today I was early getting up. My cell phone awoke me making feel startled. I looked at my cell phone's time and it read 3:42 and I panicked thinking that I had got up late. But when I looked at my computer's clock it read 2:45am. So I thought eh why not might as well get up anyway. So I got up and took a shower and then started my japa rounds. I had two left to do as soon as Mangal Aarti started.

Seems like everything was done early today, which seemed strange. I had gotten my service done early even closing up Govinda's just a tad bit early, I started getting Govinda's ready early, I went on my walk about ten min early, Bhagavatam class ended early today. So today I felt like an early bird. It felt nice though to have everything done and relax a bit. Madhavendra Puri even made a funny comment to me this morning saying "An early bird are you?" LOL. I love the devotee's sense of humor here in Toronto. I sure will miss that a lot when I'm in California.

So here I am now relaxing as the night comes to a close. I am going to try to squeeze in some reading. For some reason I am in the mood to read about Lord Balarama. I seem to be attracted to Him and I've been thinking about Him lately not sure why but it's okay. I love Him all the same! Not sure what my favorite Lord Balarama story is just yet. My mind drifts to diferent pasttimes of Krishna, sometimes about Lord Chaitanya and then to Lord Nrsimahadeva, and now to Lord Balarama. But at least I am thinking of Krishna and not something stupid that's temporary. Lord Balarama is completely transcendental for He is the Supreme Personality of Godhead because He is an expansion of Lord Krishna.  :)

Tomorrow though is a special day in Iskcon called Shiva Ratri. It means the night of Lord Shiva who is a demigod. I always liked Lord Shiva I thought He was pretty cool just by looking at pictures of Him. He is one of the greatest devotees of Lord Krishna. Lord Brahma is also another great devotee of the Lord. Devotees on this day fast, some don't even drink water on this day to glorify Lord Shiva. I am not sure if I can do something like this or not. I know fasting is good for the body as it gives the stomach a rest from digesting food and clears out the system. Fasting for only one day will not hurt the body. I can probably fast most of the day in honor of Lord Shiva but not sure about all night as I would definately would feel sick by then. But we'll see how it goes tomorrow. I think there is some pasttmes about Lord Shiva in the Krishna book somewhere that I can read tomorrow.