Why Are They (The Beatles)Back In My Life Again?

Okay why are they back in my life again? I haven't listened to any Beatles songs for months possibly a year. Maybe I guess because I wanted to remember how and why I came to Krishna Conciousness. I went onto youtube this morning and found all of the Beatles music on there. So I am now downloading them to .my computer to upload to my ipod.

Now just because I am going to listen to their music again does not mean I will become overly obssessed with them like I used to. I don't listen to the Beatles as much anymore due to being Krishna Concious and I'd much rather prefer to hear the Holy Names. It's the same with George's music too. I only listen to him once in awhile not all the time.

I think maybe if I listen to the Beatles once in awhile it may boost my spiritual lif e a bit and remember how I came to Krishna Conciousness and how enthusiastic I was in the beginning. Don't get me wrong Im still enthusiastiac but sometimes I struggle in KC and if I need something to put me in a better mood I guess listening to my favorite band The Beatles might help put me in a better mood. Their songs do put a smile my face. But I do feel funny and I feel strange to be listening to them again since I've been living in the temple.

I have to thank George Harrison though. He was the whole main reason why I surrendered to Krishna. Whenever I see or hear George, I immediately think of Krishna at the same time. So in turn I have to thank Paul for finding George and telling him to join the Beatles back in those early days. I think that  is why Paul is my second favorite for bringing George to the Beatles and even after the break up George became very spiritual and religious. That had inspired me the most.

When Will I Actually Listen to Krsna?

Lately I have been experiencing Krsna testing me. Krsna keeps giving me the same challenge all the time and I fail it every time. There is this level that I cannot pass. It is like a video game. The first levels are easy but as you go along, the levels get harder up to the end usually the last level is the hardest to beat. So similiarly, spiritual life is like that. The real test is at the time of death but in the mean time Krsna throws at us challenges in our life time, and makes us pass a certain level.

I am stuck on this one level. I can't seem to pass it no matter how many times Krsna gives it to me. I feel totally guilty about it. Krsna never gives us a challenge we can't handle. But this challenge He is giving me seems totally impossible for me to pass. Living in a community all the time is a challenge. There will be ups and downs and it's really hard on me. Srila Prabhupada disciples here in New Dwaraka have been giving advice but when I face this challenge I can't remember any of their teachings. Another guilty thing I have with that.

So I am beginning to wonder if my mind will ever listen to Krsna or His devotees that instruct me? Today devotees were asking me to bless them but at this stage I am in NO position to give  blessings. If anything I need theirs!  They have been in this movement longer than I have. I've only been in this movement for four and a half years nearly five. It is a learning experience, and I have always been very slow at learning things, I might have some kind of learning disability without evenknowing it. I try to fight that too. I've been associating with Om Kara Devi Dasi Mataji and Jaga Mataji,and Tadit Mataji. They have been a great help to me and Svavas Prabhu too. While not having Maharaj's direct association they have been encouraging me when I need it like he has. I try to remember what Maharaj said about always having problems and finding solutions. At times though when I am in anxiety it is hard to remember them.

I should inquire to Maharaj again and if I speak to Svavas Prabhu about how to get rid of these anxiety feelings that I have about service and focuse more on Krsna. It isn't fair Im suffering from anxiety like this. I'd rather have anxiety for Krsna not about how my service should be done for Him.

But the main question is when will I actually listen to Krsna????????

Developing A Passion For Bike Riding

Okay I confess. Im a cyclist or bike rider another words. I don't think Im much of a walker like my guru Maharaj is. I like walking sure, but somehow or other I feel that I am using my bike more than I am walking.

Last Tuesday I went on an hour and a half bike ride. I rode from Venice BLVD to La Cienaga, then to Pico BLVD, to Overland Avnue and back to Venice. I discovered that most of the streets around here are all connected to each other so I did a HUGE around the block bike trail. Pico BLVD took me the longest however to get to Overland Avenue. But that was okay. It was a nice day and enjoyed the breeze.

Today I rode my bike past the freeway to get to the library on Venice. There is one on Inglewood Avenue in Mar Vista Suburb. My computer isn't working and is being fixed so I came to the library to use the computer. I have missed going to the library.

Anyways I don't know where this passion of mine for bike riding came from all of a sudden. I go out on my bike when I can sometimes after service Im so tired I don't go out but when I feel energized I hop on my bike and go for a spin.

But deep in my heart I wish I could be like my guru maharaj with his walking. I like to walk but I start hurting after an hour of walking. Bike riding I could go for two hours without hurting.
However on my guru Maharaj's blog post awhile back I read that he approves of Cyclists or bike riders. It is because you can see the person and they are getting good exercise. So I am happy Maharaj approves of bike riding.

If and when I go back to Toronto maybe I can save up for a bike to ride around Toronto. Walmart is pretty good with prices on bikes. I wish I could take my grandpa's old bike with me to Toronto but I can't. So I am trying to use it now as much as possible before heading back to Toronto.

Lord Jagannatha's Mercy

Lord Jagannatha had been extremely kind and merciful to me. He is allowing me to make more flower garlands for Him. Today I had to make three sets of garlands for Him. They took me about 2 hours to do. I make the small Lord Jagannatha garlands that They wear during Mangal Aarti and today I made the big Lord Jagannatha Deities' garlands for tomorrow.

I am such a fallen soul, and yet He is still being so merciful. It is a great priveledge and honor to do this service for Lord Jagannatha. Any service to the Lord should be gladly accepted. When I told my guru Maharaj that i was making Lord Jagannatha flower garlands he was very much pleased. So I am very happy to be able to render some service to Lord Jagannatha.

When they dress Lord Jagannatha here in New Dwaraka sometimes they have Lord Balaram have His plow and club with Him. I always like seeing Him with His transcendental weapons. Lady Subadra also looks very beautiful when the pujaris put flowers around Her head or sparkly jewels. And Lord Jagannatha Himself of course is always beautiful because of His blackish complexion. These Lord Jagannatha Deities here are very big and whenever I look at Lord Jagannatha I can actually feel Him looking right through my very heart and soul. Tonight as I looked at Lord Balaram, I felt Him smiling at me. He knows that I have somewhat of an attachement to Him. I love Lord Balaram. He's awesome. :)

I've been wanting my own set of Lord Jagannatha Deities. They sell them here in the local gift shop for $30.00 but I have to save up a bit and get them outfits too.  I hope They will be merciful and allow me to have Them. I currently have a Lord Nrsimahadeva deity and Gaura Nitai Deities. I may have my own Deities but I do not neglect the big Deities in the temple. They are so beautiful to look at and I often go to as many Aartis as possible.

So I am feeling myself becoming attached to Lord Jagannatha because of His loving mercy. After all He is the Lord of the Universe.

Lord Krsna Pacified Me This Morning

Here is another realization in Krsna Conciousness. Last night I came across a nasty post on one of Iskcon's websites that have a list of gurus. However I was FURIOUS at the one post. I will not discuss it in detail because I will just go ranting on and on. If you really want to know the details of this post please email me simplyshadygirl@yahoo.com and I will discuss it with you in an email. It was extremely offensive and I want this particular website I found shut down forever. There is always one person who  has to ruin things for everybody.  The internet is just bad news now a days. No one  posts anything positive anymore. They only want negativity just to get attention. Doesn't anyone want to believe in saying something nice or positive about someone anymore? Why must everyone have something negative to say about someone ESPECIALLY if they do not even know the person and just speculate about them.

But this morning I was still FUMING over the post. I felt like Lord Nrsimahadeva wanting to rip something apart total anger. This post I had found on that website was a MAJOR offense agains a dear most exalted devotee that I know very well, and that I am very close with. And I just blew up early this morning and left my angry comment on that particular post. I had lost my temper big time. I was still fuming over this post during the second part of the morning program and before breakfast. I almost didn't go to breakfast and I almost had decided not to go to harinam because I was so upset about that post on that website that made me so angry. Im still sort of not in any mood to do anything because of that post.

However something told me to go to breakfast this morning. It was Krsna Himself. He had sent this very nice mataji named Bhaktin Peggy. She gave me a small white envelope and said there were photos of my dearest guru Maharaj in them. I had then felt my heart soften immediately and I felt pacified by Lord Krsna. I gave Bhaktin Peggy a hug and thanked her for the photos and that it really meant a lot to me. I feel it was Lord Krsna reciprocating with me because He knew how angry I was over the internet post about His exalted devotee.

Tulasi Devi Seminar Class Soon

Today I had several devotees asking me to teach them how to care for Tulasi. Im happy to hear that these devotees here in LA are anxious to learn how to care for Tulasi Devi properly. I am willing to give the class. If I do give the class it would be my first time ever giving a class. I never gave a class before in my life. And now Tulasi Maharani by her mercy is allowing me to do this opportunity to teach others about her.

I have to talk to the temple president Svavas and see if he would let me do the class. I also emailed my guru Maharaj for his blessings on teaching others about Tulasi.

There is a lot of information one must know before taking care of their own Tulasi plant. The first and foremost rule for caring for Tulasi is that you CANNOT think of Tulasi as an ordinary plant, she is a PERSON, a pure devotee of the Lord.

I've had several experiences with Tulasi to where she let me know she's a person. I often feel her "Talking" to me. I've even had dreams of seeing her and communicating with Tulasi. My guru Maharaj says that dreams of Tulasi are very real and should be cherished. He also told me that since I had dreams of Tulasi, he said that I had her blessings and that she is very pleased. I do the best I can to serve Tulasi Maharani. She's given me so many realizations. Maharaj also told me awhile back in an old email that Tulasi will help me stay anchored in Krsna Conciousness and to continue serving her. So I took those instructions to heart and now I am extremely attached to Tulasi, Lord Krsna's pure devotee. I am still aspiring to be her maidservant. I love serving her so much. Being attached to Tulasi is my guru Maharaj's mercy. The credit goes to him.

So we will see about the Tulasi Seminar class. Many devotees told me that they would attend the seminar and I was quite surprised by the number of devotees who said they'd come if I gave the class. Let's see what Krsna arranges. And if it goes well I'd love to get the same seminar about Tulasi to others in Toronto that might be interested there.

Bicycles Approved/Motor Cars Disapproved

Wow I just read my guru Maharaj's blog. He's really against motorists. He prefers to walk everywhere that he possibly can. I admire him for that. I wish I had a tiny drop of nectar of his passion for walking.  He's at least saving our environment's resources. People are wasting our oil to keep the cars running. People now a days use cars way too much for unnecessary things. They just use it to sight see or use it to satisfy their senses.

What made me happy about his blog post was that Maharaj approves of people using bicycles. Which is a good thing in my case because bike riding is easier for me than walking. So I am happy that he approves of that. So if I am not up to walking I can at least ride my bike around town. Bike riding is easier for my back as well and helps the sciatic nerve pain to go away. The sciatic nerve is located right by the lower back into the hip and goes all the way down to the toes. So using the bike to exercise the nerve helps the muscles get stronger to ease off the pain. I've always liked bike riding since I was very young. Maybe that is where my passion lies for exercise, bike riding. Maybe when I return to Toronto I can save up and buy a bike from Walmart or something so that I can get exercise in. Don't get me wrong I like to walk but for some reason I get tired out from walking quicker than I do bike riding and I have no idea why. Maybe because I am sitting on the bike and just using my legs and not my whole entire body like walking requires.

Maharaj approves of bicycles because he agrees that it's good exercise for our legs and also we can see the person. In cars you cannot see the people  much. He's got a very good point on that one. Cars pollute the air anyway from the exhaust pipes. Buses do the same. I only use the bus once in awhile because bus rides can get expensive after awhile.

So maybe this week I will ride my bike to the beach and back agian. I did it before and I didn't feel that tired from doing that. It was actually refreshing.