Friday, February 10, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Lord Nityananda's Appearance Day
We had a fabulous appearance day of Lord Nityananda. it was pretty much crowded, even in the kitchen it was packed doing service. I had to cut vegetables for Monday everyone else helped with the feast that day. I had finished around 12:30pm however with my service. I didn't go do any cleaning in the pujari room because I didn't want to be in the pujari's way since there were so many of them scurrying here and there getting ready to do Aartis, dressing the Deities, or setting up for the fire yajna (sacrifice) Everything had to be ready by 3pm. I was in the pujari room for a short time. I had to make small Lord Jagganatha garlands. I finished those in ten minutes and then got out so I wouldn't be in the way.
At 3pm I went to sit outside where the fire yajna was being set up. There was also a chanting and dancing procession with devotees following behind the Deities. Two pujaris held up Lord Chaitanya and Lord Nityananda during the procession. I did get some photos of it.Then they all sat down for the fire sacrifice. We were honoring Lord Nityananda on His birthday. Lord Nityananda is an incarnation of Lord Balaram who is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Lord Nityananda is the most merciful to everyone. We also did this fire sacrifice for Him too because we prayed to Him sincerely to help us be allowed to distribute books at the LAX Airport. the court hearing was today. I hope it went well. I am sure we will find out soon if we will be able to distribute books or not.
Anyways, then there was the bathing ceremony, Aarti, kirtan, class, and then the feast. I didn't attend the second half of it. I was outside the temple chatting with my friend Omkara Devi Dasi who is a Prabhupada disciple. She and I were goofing off yesterday having a good laugh. It's nice to hang out with devotees who have a sense of humor.
So I still had a great time remembering Lord Nityananda. ALL GLORIES TO LORD NITYANANDA! HARIBOL!
At 3pm I went to sit outside where the fire yajna was being set up. There was also a chanting and dancing procession with devotees following behind the Deities. Two pujaris held up Lord Chaitanya and Lord Nityananda during the procession. I did get some photos of it.Then they all sat down for the fire sacrifice. We were honoring Lord Nityananda on His birthday. Lord Nityananda is an incarnation of Lord Balaram who is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Lord Nityananda is the most merciful to everyone. We also did this fire sacrifice for Him too because we prayed to Him sincerely to help us be allowed to distribute books at the LAX Airport. the court hearing was today. I hope it went well. I am sure we will find out soon if we will be able to distribute books or not.
Anyways, then there was the bathing ceremony, Aarti, kirtan, class, and then the feast. I didn't attend the second half of it. I was outside the temple chatting with my friend Omkara Devi Dasi who is a Prabhupada disciple. She and I were goofing off yesterday having a good laugh. It's nice to hang out with devotees who have a sense of humor.
So I still had a great time remembering Lord Nityananda. ALL GLORIES TO LORD NITYANANDA! HARIBOL!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Feeling Really Bewildered.
Well I am totally confused at this point. I had received an email from my guru Maharaj. He said that what ever I decide with Deity Worship training is fine with him whether it be here in LA or Toronto. So I feel stumped. I had to email Maharaj this afternoon about it. I was actually feeling upset and guilty about it all at the same time. I do like both temples LA And Toronto's. And the devotees in each temple all want me to come back or stay at their temple. So I feel split into two right now. All I know is I am not Krishna. I cannot expand myself like He can. If I stay here in LA I would feel incredibly guilty for not going back as I know my guru Maharaj would like to have me up there for part of the year as do the other devotees. He said we'd have to talk to Mahavendra Puri and Mother Subhuddhi to see if they want me to come back or not. And if I go back to Toronto, I'd feel guilty about leaving here because many devotees want me to stay here permanantly as well. It's nice to feel loved by both temples but yet heart breaking at the same time when they both want me to come back or stay. I am grateful for Krishna letting me have such nice association and putting me in temples to where He knows I would be able to surrender to Him more and serve Him with more love and devotion.
So now I just feel like Arjuna did when he did not know whether or not he should fight the battle and had to surrender to Krishna to receive advice. That is why I emailed my guru Maharaj again. I was actually in tears about this situation too. The thought of not seeing Maharaj for two years if i stay here for the Deity Worship training I think would be too hard on me and would feel like torture. I am so used to seeing him all the time and having his association whenever he wasn't travelling. i know that serving guru in separation is one of the highest services to guru and Krishna but I still struggle with that one as I am very much attached to my guru Maharaj. And then I also have Tulasi back in Toronto. I want to go back to her and continue caring for her. I want to see how big she got too while I've been away. But if Krishna wants me here I hope she will understand. I had told her that it is up to her and Krishna if she wants me to come back to her this year in my letter I left for her so she knows I may or may not return.
Maharaj told me to be patient and stay absorbed in my service to Krishna. So I will have to sit tight for now and follow those instructions he gave. I had asked him when Mahavendra Puri would be back from India so that we can get going on this situation.
So now I just feel like Arjuna did when he did not know whether or not he should fight the battle and had to surrender to Krishna to receive advice. That is why I emailed my guru Maharaj again. I was actually in tears about this situation too. The thought of not seeing Maharaj for two years if i stay here for the Deity Worship training I think would be too hard on me and would feel like torture. I am so used to seeing him all the time and having his association whenever he wasn't travelling. i know that serving guru in separation is one of the highest services to guru and Krishna but I still struggle with that one as I am very much attached to my guru Maharaj. And then I also have Tulasi back in Toronto. I want to go back to her and continue caring for her. I want to see how big she got too while I've been away. But if Krishna wants me here I hope she will understand. I had told her that it is up to her and Krishna if she wants me to come back to her this year in my letter I left for her so she knows I may or may not return.
Maharaj told me to be patient and stay absorbed in my service to Krishna. So I will have to sit tight for now and follow those instructions he gave. I had asked him when Mahavendra Puri would be back from India so that we can get going on this situation.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What Does Krishna Wish Me To Do?
Wow I am actually stumped. What does Krishna wish me to do? Does He wish me to stay here in LA and serve Him or back in Toronto?
I had spoken with th head pujari here. He said if I get second initiation by the end of this year, he would train me for two years on the altar. So I had to email Maharaj about this. I am unsure how he would feel about this idea as he said before in the beginning he wanted me to come back to Toronto.
Krishna's arrangements will eventually fall into place...He is just leaving me in suspense for awhile about my future spiritual life. And it also means more surrender as well. I believe the more I surrender unto Him the more He will show me what He wants me to do for Him. My desire is still there to serve Him on the altar and of course my other new desire is to get better at book distribution as well. My guru Mahraj was very pleased when I told him about my sankirtan experiences. So I will try to keep doing my best for him, Srila Prabhupada, and Krishna.
I will just have to sit tight and let Krishna take the wheel of my spiritual life in how He wants me to advance or surrender more. I hope He will reveal to me in what He wants me to do.
I had spoken with th head pujari here. He said if I get second initiation by the end of this year, he would train me for two years on the altar. So I had to email Maharaj about this. I am unsure how he would feel about this idea as he said before in the beginning he wanted me to come back to Toronto.
Krishna's arrangements will eventually fall into place...He is just leaving me in suspense for awhile about my future spiritual life. And it also means more surrender as well. I believe the more I surrender unto Him the more He will show me what He wants me to do for Him. My desire is still there to serve Him on the altar and of course my other new desire is to get better at book distribution as well. My guru Mahraj was very pleased when I told him about my sankirtan experiences. So I will try to keep doing my best for him, Srila Prabhupada, and Krishna.
I will just have to sit tight and let Krishna take the wheel of my spiritual life in how He wants me to advance or surrender more. I hope He will reveal to me in what He wants me to do.
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