Monday, February 6, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Feeling Really Bewildered.
Well I am totally confused at this point. I had received an email from my guru Maharaj. He said that what ever I decide with Deity Worship training is fine with him whether it be here in LA or Toronto. So I feel stumped. I had to email Maharaj this afternoon about it. I was actually feeling upset and guilty about it all at the same time. I do like both temples LA And Toronto's. And the devotees in each temple all want me to come back or stay at their temple. So I feel split into two right now. All I know is I am not Krishna. I cannot expand myself like He can. If I stay here in LA I would feel incredibly guilty for not going back as I know my guru Maharaj would like to have me up there for part of the year as do the other devotees. He said we'd have to talk to Mahavendra Puri and Mother Subhuddhi to see if they want me to come back or not. And if I go back to Toronto, I'd feel guilty about leaving here because many devotees want me to stay here permanantly as well. It's nice to feel loved by both temples but yet heart breaking at the same time when they both want me to come back or stay. I am grateful for Krishna letting me have such nice association and putting me in temples to where He knows I would be able to surrender to Him more and serve Him with more love and devotion.
So now I just feel like Arjuna did when he did not know whether or not he should fight the battle and had to surrender to Krishna to receive advice. That is why I emailed my guru Maharaj again. I was actually in tears about this situation too. The thought of not seeing Maharaj for two years if i stay here for the Deity Worship training I think would be too hard on me and would feel like torture. I am so used to seeing him all the time and having his association whenever he wasn't travelling. i know that serving guru in separation is one of the highest services to guru and Krishna but I still struggle with that one as I am very much attached to my guru Maharaj. And then I also have Tulasi back in Toronto. I want to go back to her and continue caring for her. I want to see how big she got too while I've been away. But if Krishna wants me here I hope she will understand. I had told her that it is up to her and Krishna if she wants me to come back to her this year in my letter I left for her so she knows I may or may not return.
Maharaj told me to be patient and stay absorbed in my service to Krishna. So I will have to sit tight for now and follow those instructions he gave. I had asked him when Mahavendra Puri would be back from India so that we can get going on this situation.
So now I just feel like Arjuna did when he did not know whether or not he should fight the battle and had to surrender to Krishna to receive advice. That is why I emailed my guru Maharaj again. I was actually in tears about this situation too. The thought of not seeing Maharaj for two years if i stay here for the Deity Worship training I think would be too hard on me and would feel like torture. I am so used to seeing him all the time and having his association whenever he wasn't travelling. i know that serving guru in separation is one of the highest services to guru and Krishna but I still struggle with that one as I am very much attached to my guru Maharaj. And then I also have Tulasi back in Toronto. I want to go back to her and continue caring for her. I want to see how big she got too while I've been away. But if Krishna wants me here I hope she will understand. I had told her that it is up to her and Krishna if she wants me to come back to her this year in my letter I left for her so she knows I may or may not return.
Maharaj told me to be patient and stay absorbed in my service to Krishna. So I will have to sit tight for now and follow those instructions he gave. I had asked him when Mahavendra Puri would be back from India so that we can get going on this situation.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What Does Krishna Wish Me To Do?
Wow I am actually stumped. What does Krishna wish me to do? Does He wish me to stay here in LA and serve Him or back in Toronto?
I had spoken with th head pujari here. He said if I get second initiation by the end of this year, he would train me for two years on the altar. So I had to email Maharaj about this. I am unsure how he would feel about this idea as he said before in the beginning he wanted me to come back to Toronto.
Krishna's arrangements will eventually fall into place...He is just leaving me in suspense for awhile about my future spiritual life. And it also means more surrender as well. I believe the more I surrender unto Him the more He will show me what He wants me to do for Him. My desire is still there to serve Him on the altar and of course my other new desire is to get better at book distribution as well. My guru Mahraj was very pleased when I told him about my sankirtan experiences. So I will try to keep doing my best for him, Srila Prabhupada, and Krishna.
I will just have to sit tight and let Krishna take the wheel of my spiritual life in how He wants me to advance or surrender more. I hope He will reveal to me in what He wants me to do.
I had spoken with th head pujari here. He said if I get second initiation by the end of this year, he would train me for two years on the altar. So I had to email Maharaj about this. I am unsure how he would feel about this idea as he said before in the beginning he wanted me to come back to Toronto.
Krishna's arrangements will eventually fall into place...He is just leaving me in suspense for awhile about my future spiritual life. And it also means more surrender as well. I believe the more I surrender unto Him the more He will show me what He wants me to do for Him. My desire is still there to serve Him on the altar and of course my other new desire is to get better at book distribution as well. My guru Mahraj was very pleased when I told him about my sankirtan experiences. So I will try to keep doing my best for him, Srila Prabhupada, and Krishna.
I will just have to sit tight and let Krishna take the wheel of my spiritual life in how He wants me to advance or surrender more. I hope He will reveal to me in what He wants me to do.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
A Bike Ride To Venice Beach: Los Angeles CA
Today I decided to put some use into my grandfather's old bike that my dad brought for me. I rode the bike all the way to Venice Beach. It was quite a distance. It took me about 45 minutes to an hour to get there by bike. I got back just in time as it was getting dark. It gets dark here around 5pm. When it gets lighter in the evening I can spend more time at the beach.
When I got to the beach, there really wasn't anyone there, only a few people either walking or jogging along the water's edge. I then went down to the water myself to catch the nice breeze that was coming in. It was not too hot and not too cold. I can hardly wait for it to be lighter out in the evenings again so that I can come to the beach and maybe chant some japa or read the Bhagavad Gita out on the beach. It's a good meditating place esepcially if no one is around you. I walked along the water's edge for about 15 minutes enjoying the sea breeze. It was a bit windy and my hair was pretty much flying behind me as I was walking. I noticed along the shore were a lot of seashells and empty clam shells. I found this really interesting looking seashell that looks like it has a flower imprinted on it! I never saw one like that before. Here is what it looks like you have to look really close at it because it's kind of faded.
When I got to the beach, there really wasn't anyone there, only a few people either walking or jogging along the water's edge. I then went down to the water myself to catch the nice breeze that was coming in. It was not too hot and not too cold. I can hardly wait for it to be lighter out in the evenings again so that I can come to the beach and maybe chant some japa or read the Bhagavad Gita out on the beach. It's a good meditating place esepcially if no one is around you. I walked along the water's edge for about 15 minutes enjoying the sea breeze. It was a bit windy and my hair was pretty much flying behind me as I was walking. I noticed along the shore were a lot of seashells and empty clam shells. I found this really interesting looking seashell that looks like it has a flower imprinted on it! I never saw one like that before. Here is what it looks like you have to look really close at it because it's kind of faded.
So I had a nice visit at the beach. No one there bothered me at all. I had a safe journey there and back. However on the way back I saw this red car speeding down Venice BLVD like a maniac! He must have been going at least 80 miles per hour! People now a days are crazy driving! What is this world coming to? That's Kali Yuga for you. Im happy Lord Caitanya brought us Krishna's Holy Names so as to stay sane in this world and try to get out of it to go back to Him. This world would be a lot more peaceful if people out in the world could surrender to Krishna but it's the devotee's job to go out and try to distribute Prabhupada's books to help people surrender to Krishna to make it a safer place.
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