Well my guru Maharaj knew I wasn't feeling too happy. My guru Maharaj knows me like a book inside and out. He even knows what I am thinking too. So he finds his ways to cheer me up. And what does he do? He mentions George. :) This is one reason why I had surrendered to my guru Maharaj so easily. He knows about my background on how I came into Krishna Conciousness and so he had mentioned George at the end of class last week while my godbrother Ramachandra das Prabhu was here visiting.
So my guru Maharaj just says randomly at the end of class: "So everyone here knows how Hari Lila came to Krishna Conciousness through George Harrison?"
I felt so shy and embarrassed. Im very shy about telling others how I came to Krishna through George Harrison. I dunno why I just am. But Ramachandra das prabhu had told the story to everybody after class. I felt my face blush due to the shyness about it.
I told Maharaj that I don't even listen to the Beatles but that I still listen to George. Maharaj says George is different because he is a devotee. And in my past emails that Maharaj had sent to me he had specifically told me not to give up on George. He wrote in his email "Why put someone away that has brought you to Krishna? Hold onto his stuff." That's exactly what he told me to do. So I must follow those instructions.
I meant to write about this last Tuesday before he left but I just didn't have the time. Been so busy since Maharaj left for his walk across Canada. I miss Maharaj. He will be back Sept. 29th.
In the meantime though I am saving all of George's songs that I can find onto my ipod to listen to. Maharaj sort of revived that lost relationship I have with George through Krishna Conciousness. So Im slowly getting back into George's music even though I have hardly been listening to his music. I think I should just to remember that it was George who brought me to Krishna, Srila Prabhupada's books and then eventually led me to find my own guru Maharaj. George had completely changed my life around whichi is why I will never give up on him no matter what anyone tells me. You people out there who think I will get tired of George? You're WRONG because I never will! The reason why I haven't listened to George's music in a while is because I've been busy and before I couldn't figure out how to get his songs onto my ipod on mp3's but now I do so I can listen to him more. My guru Maharaj named me after George believe it or not. Srila Prabhupada gave George the name "Haris-Son" which means Son of Hari. So my guru Maharaj named me Hari Lila which is why he named me that because of George. My name means "Servant of Krishna's pasttimes."
Krishna can find His way into our lives when He knows we are ready for Him. So Krishna found my way to Him through His devotee George Harrison. He knew I would respond to him quickly and then eventully surrender to Him that way. It was purification. I guess Krishna knew I was ready to surrender to Him or at least try to serve Him sincerly in this life. Many devotees like myself surrendered to Krishna through George's influence on us with spirituality. So through the Krishna movement I feel a much stronger connection with George and of course Lord Krishna Himself who let me have many self realizations through His mercy alone. I am grateful that Lord Krishna sent my guru Maharaj to me. He's perfect for me to help me spiritually advance. Im so happy that my guru Maharaj is so kind to me.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Qualified Devotees
Lately many devotees have been coming through. Some new some who are regulars. These devotees live outside the temple. So they have more of a desire to come in and serve the Deities and my guru Maharaj.
So I feel these devotees are much more qualified than me. I'm nobody special. I have my problems, both health wise and spiritually. I still have false ego even though my guru Maharaj says I don't have any ego. Many people cannot tolerate me at all but my guru Maharaj has.
I still anxiously do my serivces to serve the Deities my guru Maharaj. But I have a tendency to over do it. I've done that on Moday, and Maharaj actually made me stop doing service and he wanted me to rest.
But back to the qualified devotees and enough about myself. I've observed how these devotees come in and do these services without hesitation. Because it is devotional service and they are practicing real bhakti. They are getting purified by doing these services for Krishna and devotees who live in the temple. In the temple there are only a few of us living here, and there is so much that needs to be done, but there are only a hand full of us. We cannot possibly finish all these services on our own without the help of these qualified devotees who come in to visit for the day.
This nice mataji who is new, came in to help in the kitchen. I heard Maharaj was extremely pleased with her services and she told me he came close to tears because of how she was doing her service. I told her she got a lot of mercy from my guru Maharaj if he came close to tears like that. Even I haven't gotten that kind of mercy from Maharaj even though he'd been pleased with me several times. I told her she is better than me, and more qualified than me to serve my guru Maharaj and she is not even initiated. She just came to this temple a week ago and already she's spiritually advancing and getting mercy from Maharaj and Krishna alone. I think she has started chanting a little bit. Bhakta Patrick has been teaching her things which is good. I'm not good at teaching anyone anything really. I wasn't meant to be a leader. I never thought of myself as good enough to even be doing devtional service let alone utter Krishna's name. Im still very materially contaminated. I need to learn patience and tolerance yet, and especially I need to learn to control my emotion which get way out of hand sometimes. These things often prevent me from doing devotional serivce and as a result it makes me an unqualified devotee to be doing these services in the temple.
These devotees who come in don't seem to have any of these problems I have which is why I consider them more qualified than me. I know they will return to Krishna faster than me. I probably will have to return to this miserable material world again to fully get rid of my karma and false ego, but I just hope and pray to Krishna even if I do have to come back here I hope He will let me remember Him and still let me serve Him.
So I feel these devotees are much more qualified than me. I'm nobody special. I have my problems, both health wise and spiritually. I still have false ego even though my guru Maharaj says I don't have any ego. Many people cannot tolerate me at all but my guru Maharaj has.
I still anxiously do my serivces to serve the Deities my guru Maharaj. But I have a tendency to over do it. I've done that on Moday, and Maharaj actually made me stop doing service and he wanted me to rest.
But back to the qualified devotees and enough about myself. I've observed how these devotees come in and do these services without hesitation. Because it is devotional service and they are practicing real bhakti. They are getting purified by doing these services for Krishna and devotees who live in the temple. In the temple there are only a few of us living here, and there is so much that needs to be done, but there are only a hand full of us. We cannot possibly finish all these services on our own without the help of these qualified devotees who come in to visit for the day.
This nice mataji who is new, came in to help in the kitchen. I heard Maharaj was extremely pleased with her services and she told me he came close to tears because of how she was doing her service. I told her she got a lot of mercy from my guru Maharaj if he came close to tears like that. Even I haven't gotten that kind of mercy from Maharaj even though he'd been pleased with me several times. I told her she is better than me, and more qualified than me to serve my guru Maharaj and she is not even initiated. She just came to this temple a week ago and already she's spiritually advancing and getting mercy from Maharaj and Krishna alone. I think she has started chanting a little bit. Bhakta Patrick has been teaching her things which is good. I'm not good at teaching anyone anything really. I wasn't meant to be a leader. I never thought of myself as good enough to even be doing devtional service let alone utter Krishna's name. Im still very materially contaminated. I need to learn patience and tolerance yet, and especially I need to learn to control my emotion which get way out of hand sometimes. These things often prevent me from doing devotional serivce and as a result it makes me an unqualified devotee to be doing these services in the temple.
These devotees who come in don't seem to have any of these problems I have which is why I consider them more qualified than me. I know they will return to Krishna faster than me. I probably will have to return to this miserable material world again to fully get rid of my karma and false ego, but I just hope and pray to Krishna even if I do have to come back here I hope He will let me remember Him and still let me serve Him.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Major Maha Mantra Festival Weekend
This weekend is going to be a busy one. So much is going on. Tomorrow night we have Prabhupada movie night. They will be showing the films Following Srila Prabhupada. I have seen those already in New Vrndavan. Friday evening there is a harinam from 6:30pm till 8:30pm downtown Toronto. I will attend that one And then Saturday we have a Beatles Festival. I really want to go to that. The only reason why I am going to the Beatles festival is because I am going with devotees and we're going to spread Krishna's holy names. I would not just go for the Beatles themselves. And also Im going because George is involved in the festival, and George had brought me to Krishna. Then Sunday we have a special Sunday program with kirtans and all and Tuesday is the grande finale with a major kirtan and pizza party. That's going to be fun. I'll have to tone it down on my services and get rest so I dont wear myself out for any of these fun things. Tomorrow I will try to get plenty of rest for the kirtan on Friday so I am ready for it. I am excited about all these things happening. This will help ease the pain of separation from Maharaj as I had been feeling the separation all day today few times I almost was in tears because of it. But Im okay now pretty much. Usually the first or second day after he leaves to go somewhere it's hard for me but i recover afterwards.
I will take pictures and try to record some videos too if I can. I definately want to get pictures of the Beatles festival as I had never been to one before because my parents couldn't afford to take me to one. Im going to bring my picture of George to set up at our section when we do our sankirtan serivce.
I wonder if and when I do to move tot he Los Angeles temple that they will have things like this too.I hope I can do service for Tulasi there too if I can. But we'll see what Krishna arranges. But for now I am looking forward to the kirtans this weekend.
I will take pictures and try to record some videos too if I can. I definately want to get pictures of the Beatles festival as I had never been to one before because my parents couldn't afford to take me to one. Im going to bring my picture of George to set up at our section when we do our sankirtan serivce.
I wonder if and when I do to move tot he Los Angeles temple that they will have things like this too.I hope I can do service for Tulasi there too if I can. But we'll see what Krishna arranges. But for now I am looking forward to the kirtans this weekend.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
My Guru Maharaj's 4th Walk Across Canada
Well my guru Maharaj begins his 4th walk across Canada. Last night we had held a suprise send off party for him. Unfortunately I could not attend the party last night as I was too exhausted from Sunday and yesterday from doing service. Maharaj actually made me stop doing service yesterday because he didn't want me to fall apart. He wanted me to rest so I did. Tara had recorded a bit of it so I watched it. It was so nice to see that Maharaj was happy about the suprise party. Maharaj has brochures of him about is walk across Canada. Mother Subhuddhi let me have one since Maharaj has a whole bunch of them to distribute while he's out for his walk.
Today my godbrother Ramachandra das Prabhu had visited the temple. We spent some time catching up together and we also had lunch with Maharaj and chatted with him outside his office. It's always nice to have my guru Maharaj's association. Especially now since he's doing so much travelling these days. So I try to relish his association.
Im happy he's going on his walk across Canada but at the same time I will miss him a lot. He does mean a lot to me. I just hope he will be careful and Im glad he's taking someone with him to help him and also for emergencies if any. I hope the person with him will take pictures of Maharaj walking. We don't have enough photos of Maharaj walking. I would love to see some of those. I am also interested to see what kind of people he will meet. Today in class he was telling us about these drunk guys he ran into on one of his walks and it was quite humorous, but this is one reason why I worry about him walking late at night because of strange people that are out there and could be dangerous. Ive heard quite a few scary stories about Maharaj's walks like the one time he stepped on a catfish at a beach while walking, and then another time I heard a bear had followed him. and this was no small bear too they said it was a HUGE bear possibly a grizzly bear. But anyways I look forward to reading about his walking adventures for the next three weeks. :)
Today my godbrother Ramachandra das Prabhu had visited the temple. We spent some time catching up together and we also had lunch with Maharaj and chatted with him outside his office. It's always nice to have my guru Maharaj's association. Especially now since he's doing so much travelling these days. So I try to relish his association.
Im happy he's going on his walk across Canada but at the same time I will miss him a lot. He does mean a lot to me. I just hope he will be careful and Im glad he's taking someone with him to help him and also for emergencies if any. I hope the person with him will take pictures of Maharaj walking. We don't have enough photos of Maharaj walking. I would love to see some of those. I am also interested to see what kind of people he will meet. Today in class he was telling us about these drunk guys he ran into on one of his walks and it was quite humorous, but this is one reason why I worry about him walking late at night because of strange people that are out there and could be dangerous. Ive heard quite a few scary stories about Maharaj's walks like the one time he stepped on a catfish at a beach while walking, and then another time I heard a bear had followed him. and this was no small bear too they said it was a HUGE bear possibly a grizzly bear. But anyways I look forward to reading about his walking adventures for the next three weeks. :)
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Obstacles In Devotional Service Again
Krishna is testing me again. Lately I've had a few obstacles in devotional service.
These last few days I fell ill. It was this past thursday I was feeling sick. I was getting hot and cold flashes, and didn't feel like eating much. I ate very light those past few days. And i still do today too because my cough hurts my stomach too sometimes. I still went to Mangal Aarti even though I was sick. If I hadn't gone to mangal aarti, I would have been very upset with myself. I HATE missing out on Mangal Aarti. I consider it a great loss if I don't see Krishna first thing in the morning and then I'd feel like my whole day is spoiled if I don't see Him. But anyways that Thursday morning my guru Maharaj was going to leave for Miami Florida. I could only stand up for a few minutes but went to go sit down as I was feeling dizzy and my stomach was feeling nauseous. After the kirtan was over, Maharaj came over to check on me. He's so kind to me that at times I feel like I want to cry. Im so grateful to Krishna that He allowed me to surrender to my guru Maharaj who is so gentle and kind and very merciful. Maharaj advised me to dress warm and not to be in too much anxiety. He thought maybe I had a slight fever but I told him my temperature was normal. I found out a few days later that I have a sore throat. which was the cause of what I was feeling. Despite the cold I caught though,, I still tried to do my service to the best I could. It's the only way I can teach myself tolerance sometimes. I HAD to take care of Tulasi because She is a pure devotee. I tried doing a little kitchen service but when I felt I couldn't do anymore I had to stop. Even on Radhamashtami I had health problems due to my bad back. I tried doing service but apparently Srimate Radharani wanted me to rest and she let me know it by showing me that there were plenty of devotees in the kitchen helping. So I did what I could. Maharaj told me to take it easy this weekend while he's away.
Then also these last few days I as I was trying to do my serivce, I felt overwhelmed with service again. This one bramharchari is always asking for help every five minutes. And also whenever this bramharchari is in the kitchen I feel like I can never get anything done because he always needs the space that i am in and it doesn't matter when I try to do something else in the kitchen he still needs even that spot that I am working in every five minutes. I had to tell Mahavendra Puri about this problem because he is authority. He told me not to worry about it. So all I can do is keep telling this brahmarchari no I cannot do it. I've had this problem in New Vrndavan too witb being overloaded with service or devotees telling me how to do things this way or that way. I just can't handle that. Because if more than one person tells me how to do something or tells me to do something I won't know who to listen to. So I've been trying to train myself to be firm when things like this come up but I still have to be humble about it at the same time which is the hard part. These are some of the things I need to work on.
And also I need to overcome my fear of being in crowds too. I've been trying to get myself to go the Sunday evening programs here to try to get used to it. I just don't like it when people push and shove into one another and I don't like it when it comes to the point where it's so crowded that you cannot move. These things also interrupt my devotional service when I want to be at the Aartis on Sunday as devotional service to the Deities. I hope Krishna will help me to overcome these fears if I gradually work at it.
These last few days I fell ill. It was this past thursday I was feeling sick. I was getting hot and cold flashes, and didn't feel like eating much. I ate very light those past few days. And i still do today too because my cough hurts my stomach too sometimes. I still went to Mangal Aarti even though I was sick. If I hadn't gone to mangal aarti, I would have been very upset with myself. I HATE missing out on Mangal Aarti. I consider it a great loss if I don't see Krishna first thing in the morning and then I'd feel like my whole day is spoiled if I don't see Him. But anyways that Thursday morning my guru Maharaj was going to leave for Miami Florida. I could only stand up for a few minutes but went to go sit down as I was feeling dizzy and my stomach was feeling nauseous. After the kirtan was over, Maharaj came over to check on me. He's so kind to me that at times I feel like I want to cry. Im so grateful to Krishna that He allowed me to surrender to my guru Maharaj who is so gentle and kind and very merciful. Maharaj advised me to dress warm and not to be in too much anxiety. He thought maybe I had a slight fever but I told him my temperature was normal. I found out a few days later that I have a sore throat. which was the cause of what I was feeling. Despite the cold I caught though,, I still tried to do my service to the best I could. It's the only way I can teach myself tolerance sometimes. I HAD to take care of Tulasi because She is a pure devotee. I tried doing a little kitchen service but when I felt I couldn't do anymore I had to stop. Even on Radhamashtami I had health problems due to my bad back. I tried doing service but apparently Srimate Radharani wanted me to rest and she let me know it by showing me that there were plenty of devotees in the kitchen helping. So I did what I could. Maharaj told me to take it easy this weekend while he's away.
Then also these last few days I as I was trying to do my serivce, I felt overwhelmed with service again. This one bramharchari is always asking for help every five minutes. And also whenever this bramharchari is in the kitchen I feel like I can never get anything done because he always needs the space that i am in and it doesn't matter when I try to do something else in the kitchen he still needs even that spot that I am working in every five minutes. I had to tell Mahavendra Puri about this problem because he is authority. He told me not to worry about it. So all I can do is keep telling this brahmarchari no I cannot do it. I've had this problem in New Vrndavan too witb being overloaded with service or devotees telling me how to do things this way or that way. I just can't handle that. Because if more than one person tells me how to do something or tells me to do something I won't know who to listen to. So I've been trying to train myself to be firm when things like this come up but I still have to be humble about it at the same time which is the hard part. These are some of the things I need to work on.
And also I need to overcome my fear of being in crowds too. I've been trying to get myself to go the Sunday evening programs here to try to get used to it. I just don't like it when people push and shove into one another and I don't like it when it comes to the point where it's so crowded that you cannot move. These things also interrupt my devotional service when I want to be at the Aartis on Sunday as devotional service to the Deities. I hope Krishna will help me to overcome these fears if I gradually work at it.
Radhamashtami 2011
This year like with Janmashtami, I spent Radhamashtami in Toronto Ontario. Both were very nice. I loved how the Deities were dressed. I think that Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha are the most beautiful Deities in all of Iskcon. Most devotees do have their own preferences too with their favorite Deities. But they are all Krishna so its okay to have a favorite since it's transcendental.
Anyways we had to fast until 12 noon for Radhamashtami. Fasting until 12 noon is easy to do. Janmashtami was very very difficult due to fasting until 12 midnight but I still managed to do it through Krishna's mercy. I had an upset stomach on Janmashtami from fasting but I knew I had to fast for Krishna's pleasure and I did my best to tolerate it. But fasting for Radharani was very simple and easy for She is always merciful.
Toronto's temple celebrates Radhamashtami quite different than what New Vrndavan had celebrated it. Had I known how Toronto celebrated Radhamashtami I would have bought Srimate Radharani a little something too. But I will know for next year when I am here for it. At 6pm the program began for Srimate Radharani. The flower outfit was very beautiful. The Deities did wear a new outfit during the day. I will post here shortly with the pictures. The kirtan was very nice and viewing the Deities on Radharani's appeareance day was much easier. It was just like a regulara Sunday program. The kirtan was nice. Then after the kirtan one of our senior Prabhupada disciples gave a very short class about Srimate Radharani for about 20 minutes. After that the gifts were offered to Srimate Radharani for her birthday. So it was a real transcendental birthday party for Srimate Radharani. The pujaris opened the gifts for Her and showed them to Her and read the birthday cards to Her. And also a light bhajan was held in between, and readings about the Deities. Actually Septm4th was the day the Deities were installed in Toronto's temple so it was a very auspicious day for Them.
Also a Hindu wedding ceremony was held too. I stayed for most of it. It was interesting. They had Deities of Lord Ganesh there. Lord Ganesh is a demigod. And I think this wedding I heard was not part of Iskcon but they chose to have the wedding here in the temple because the parents of the bride or the groom are Iskcon devotees and big donars to the temple. But it was still a nice ceremony for the couple. I send my best wishes to them.
It was very nice to hear about Srimate Radharani. All glories to Srimate Radharani.
Here are some photos of the Deities on Radhamashtami.
Anyways we had to fast until 12 noon for Radhamashtami. Fasting until 12 noon is easy to do. Janmashtami was very very difficult due to fasting until 12 midnight but I still managed to do it through Krishna's mercy. I had an upset stomach on Janmashtami from fasting but I knew I had to fast for Krishna's pleasure and I did my best to tolerate it. But fasting for Radharani was very simple and easy for She is always merciful.
Toronto's temple celebrates Radhamashtami quite different than what New Vrndavan had celebrated it. Had I known how Toronto celebrated Radhamashtami I would have bought Srimate Radharani a little something too. But I will know for next year when I am here for it. At 6pm the program began for Srimate Radharani. The flower outfit was very beautiful. The Deities did wear a new outfit during the day. I will post here shortly with the pictures. The kirtan was very nice and viewing the Deities on Radharani's appeareance day was much easier. It was just like a regulara Sunday program. The kirtan was nice. Then after the kirtan one of our senior Prabhupada disciples gave a very short class about Srimate Radharani for about 20 minutes. After that the gifts were offered to Srimate Radharani for her birthday. So it was a real transcendental birthday party for Srimate Radharani. The pujaris opened the gifts for Her and showed them to Her and read the birthday cards to Her. And also a light bhajan was held in between, and readings about the Deities. Actually Septm4th was the day the Deities were installed in Toronto's temple so it was a very auspicious day for Them.
Also a Hindu wedding ceremony was held too. I stayed for most of it. It was interesting. They had Deities of Lord Ganesh there. Lord Ganesh is a demigod. And I think this wedding I heard was not part of Iskcon but they chose to have the wedding here in the temple because the parents of the bride or the groom are Iskcon devotees and big donars to the temple. But it was still a nice ceremony for the couple. I send my best wishes to them.
It was very nice to hear about Srimate Radharani. All glories to Srimate Radharani.
Here are some photos of the Deities on Radhamashtami.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Offering Obeisances To My Guru Maharaj Realization
Since Maharaj came back and even before then,I find myself always offering my humble obeisances to him at his lotus feet both in the morning and evening before I go to bed when he is here. I also offer him Tulasi's flower after I offer it to her. And just this morning a realization hit me as I had offered my obeisances to him.
I had asked Maharaj this morning when he was leaving and he said in five minutes so I immediately bowed down to his lotus feet and when I did that I felt so sheltered and protected by him. I feel like there is a protective shield around me every time I offer my obeisances to him. Im so happy that Maharaj is so kind and thoughtful, gentle, and caring to everyone.
I do the same for Srila Prabhupada as well because I have been going to the last darshan lately. So I feel protected by Srila Prabhupada as well. I have something nice in mind to write in my offering to my guru maharaj when his appearance day comes. I just want it to be something that will touch his heart and something he won't forget.
I also feel the same when I offer obeisances to the Deities at Their Lotus Feet. They too make you feel sheltered and protected. Im grateful Krishna gave me this realization. I just may write this in my guru maharaj's offering for his appearance day. I just have to figure out how to say it.
People who are non devotees may think it strange bowing down before a spiritual master or priest but it should be done because he is a representive of God as he does preach about God which is why we bow down to our guru maharaj. It is said that the spiritual master is to be honored as much as the Supreme Lord because he is the most confidential servitor of the Lord. The spiritual master is not to be thought of as an ordinary person. He is a spiritual person. And I believe in that about my spiritual master. In fact my guru maharaj reminds me so much of Lord Chaitanya because he is so merciful and very tolerant of everyone and everything. So I know for sure that my guru Maharaj is very spiritual and he came from the spiritual world to here to help us return home to Krishna as Srila Prabhupada did when he was present in this world.
So I believe as long as I keep offering my obeisances to my guru Maharaj I know I will always feel sheltered and protected by him. One cannot make any spiritual advancement without the grace of the spiritual master.
I had asked Maharaj this morning when he was leaving and he said in five minutes so I immediately bowed down to his lotus feet and when I did that I felt so sheltered and protected by him. I feel like there is a protective shield around me every time I offer my obeisances to him. Im so happy that Maharaj is so kind and thoughtful, gentle, and caring to everyone.
I do the same for Srila Prabhupada as well because I have been going to the last darshan lately. So I feel protected by Srila Prabhupada as well. I have something nice in mind to write in my offering to my guru maharaj when his appearance day comes. I just want it to be something that will touch his heart and something he won't forget.
I also feel the same when I offer obeisances to the Deities at Their Lotus Feet. They too make you feel sheltered and protected. Im grateful Krishna gave me this realization. I just may write this in my guru maharaj's offering for his appearance day. I just have to figure out how to say it.
People who are non devotees may think it strange bowing down before a spiritual master or priest but it should be done because he is a representive of God as he does preach about God which is why we bow down to our guru maharaj. It is said that the spiritual master is to be honored as much as the Supreme Lord because he is the most confidential servitor of the Lord. The spiritual master is not to be thought of as an ordinary person. He is a spiritual person. And I believe in that about my spiritual master. In fact my guru maharaj reminds me so much of Lord Chaitanya because he is so merciful and very tolerant of everyone and everything. So I know for sure that my guru Maharaj is very spiritual and he came from the spiritual world to here to help us return home to Krishna as Srila Prabhupada did when he was present in this world.
So I believe as long as I keep offering my obeisances to my guru Maharaj I know I will always feel sheltered and protected by him. One cannot make any spiritual advancement without the grace of the spiritual master.
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