Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Taking Shelter of Tulasi Devi

Well those other plants that I thought were Tulasi turned out not to be her. I don't know why they have a bag of seeds in her room when they are not her seeds.

So now I have used seeds from her manjaris to grow her. Three of them have sprouted but unfortunately one of them did not make it because she was much too tiny I think she got lost in the soil somewhere but she was in a seedling container like the others are so that wouldn't happen but it still did. I was upset about that. But the two that have survived are doing well and have opened their leaves almost. :) She may be big enough by the time my guru Maharaj comes back to see her. She may even have a second set of leaves by then I hope.
I also planted a few extra seeds again in case the other seeds i planted do not grow. I hope to see a few more tulasis grow.

Lately I just can't seem to get myself away from Tulasi's greenhouse. And later in the day I feel like she is calling me to come back upstairs to her. She has been such good company for me while my guru Maharaj has been away. I chant my rounds in her green house, and then I also make manjari tulasi garlands for Krishna while Im in her green house. I feel that is like my safe haven is in her green house. Even this evening when I was in her green house I didn't even want to leave her especially the baby Tulasis that are growing.  I spend most of my time in her green house after I do my other services.

Anyone can take care of Tulasi if they have pure love and devotion for her. Titles do not matter or who you are a disciple of. My guru Maharaj specifically instructed me to continue serving Tulasi Maharani and I am strictly following his instructions on this one. He wants me to serve her. So by serving her I am also serving my guru and Krishna. I must be doing something right if she is now growing well. I always ask forgivness from her if I have committed any offenses to her and I thank her for allowing us to serve Krishna. I am a very fallen soul but yet Tulasi is still very merciful. I am still aspiring to be her maidservant always. :) I never want to leave her association now. She helps to ease the pain of separation from my guru Maharaj while he's away. I hope in Los Angeles I can do something for her. Hopefully I can chant near her greenhosue outside too in Los Angeles as well. I never saw their Tulasi greenhouse in Los Angeles. Hopefully when I go there I will.  I don't want to lose sight of Tulasi Devi or lose out on doing service for her. Krishna says that if one serves His pure devotee, then that person is directly serving Him. So I am trying to surrender myself under Tulasi Devi's service so that I can serve Krishna at the same time.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Serving Guru In Separation

I always find this difficult. It is because I am around my guru Maharaj so much that is hard for me to realize that even the service I am doing for him I am still serving him in separation. And serving guru in separation they say is the highest service one can do.

The reason why I find it a bit difficult, is because when my guru Maharaj is here at the temple, he always lets me know if he was pleased with the service I do for him. And also sometimes he adds on little service for me to do for him. Maharaj gives everyone a chance to do some type of service for him. He's so merciful when it comes to that. He doesn't leave anyone out.

Now my guru Maharaj is away on a north american bus tour and he won't return until August 23rd. So I am still doing my service for him although lately I've had no wood polish so I could not do  that service for him and I felt a bit upset about it. But today I went to the dollar store and found some wood polish for 2 dollars. I can't stand it when there is a certain type of service I have ot do for Maharaj and I don't have the product for it to complete the service. I want to keep up with the cleaning and have it nice by the time he comes back. August 22nd will be much too busy to really try to get anything done because there will be so many people here so I want to try to finish the cleaning before hand.

Everytime Maharaj is away I always get terrified thinking "Am I serving Maharaj properly? Am I pleasing him?" I am very concious of this. Im determined to keep my guru Maharaj very pleased.
I've should have asked him this over the phone whne I talked to him but we didn't have time he was very very busy.

Sometimes too I always get concerned about when I am invited to go somewhere with devotees, but to me it didn't seem very spiritual and I feel like I must consult with Maharaj first. I hate doing things without his approval. It's just how I am. I'm trying to train myself to keep my mind focused on just Krishna. Even the smallest of things will disturb me when I am trying to focus on Krishna. So this is one reason why if I feel to me something doesn't feel right about going to a certain place or doing a certain thing, I feel I must have Maharaj's approval first. I love going out with devotees, just as long as it's something spiritual because my mind needs to be fixed on Krishna.

A New Tulasi Devi Plant

I  have gotten so much more attached to Tulasi than I have last year. Being here in Toronto with her really got me attached to her. My guru Maharaj told me to continue serving Tulasi so I am simply following his instructions.

In the morning I dress her by putting on one of her pretty dresses. I dressed her with the blue and orange dress today. I also set up her aarti tray in the morning and then during Tulasi puja I do aarti for her. So I had gotten attached to doing these things for her. I love seeing her first thing in the morning, because she helps me to get anxious to see Krishna in the morning then too.

Last weekend a guest must have forgotten their tulasi plant. I found her in a plastic bag the next morning by Prabhupada's vyasa san. And when I saw her there I immediately took her upstairs and took care of her this week. It was a good thing I checked to see what was in the bag! I have a sharp eye for Tulasi and can sense her presence whenever she's around. And last month I had found her in the botique and she hadn't been taken care of so I took her upstairs with the other ones to look after until they find homes for them. I am also looking after 40 other baby tulasi plants until they find homes for them.  The baby Tulasis are doing very well as are the older ones.

Then later in the morning after breakfast I immediately go upstairs to take care of her. I give her a water spray bath and on Mondays I give her the insect spray to keep the white flies and spider mites off of her. I also give her a little water every day due to the hot weather here in Toronto. Also I pick her manjaris when she has them and her leaves I don't have to pick becasue she automatically drops them when I spray her with water. I also clean her room too like I did in New Vrndavan during the winter.

Awhile back I had to transplant one Tulasi plant as she was in another pot with another Tulasi and her branches were touching the other Tulasi so She definately needed to have her own pot. Since I transplanted her she is doing very well. I've been keeping close watch on her.

Then just earlier this week on Monday I planted three Tulasi seeds. and just yesterday one of them started growing! Today she now has two teeny tiny green leaves that are starting to open. I have also been keeping an extremely close watch on this baby Tulasi. I've already become so attached to her. I hope she will be big enough for Maharaj to see when he comes back, I really would love to show her to him.He'd be very pleased. These past two mornings I have gone into Tulasi's room and chanted my rounds there and it seemed to help the baby tulasi seeds a bit. The other two tulasi seeds haven't started growing yet, but I hope they will. Now I am finding myself not wanting to leave her green house becasue I want to keep a close watch on the new tiny tulasi plant that is growing. She needs a lot of love and care to keep her strong.  I think on Janmashtami I may stay up in her greenhouse just before midnight as I can see the doors open from there and it won't be as crowded hopefully by her greenhouse. But anyways, Im so happy about the little Tulasi plant that is growing now. As she gets bigger I will keep posting photos of her with the changes she goes thru when she gets bigger.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Anxious For Krishna

How to be anxious for Krishna. That has been going through my head all day today. Ever since this morning. I don't know how that came into my head.  Only Krishna knows since He knows everything.

There are many examples on how to be anxious for Krishna. But the stories are a bit tricky to understand. One cannot imatate the pure devotee only try to follow in Their footsteps. So how to do that is the question. I have also been told that one should be careful on what you ask for. Because Krishna has the power to put us in a dangerous situation to force us to become anxious for Him. But at the same time if we remember Krishna, no harm would come to us. It takes a lot of faith to believe in that.

For example Queen Kunti and her sons were put in a dangerous situation. Being tortured by the Kurus she felt she were in the midst of tigers. She anxious prayed to Krishna as if He were right there in front of  her for protection. She had to wait patiently. Krishna responds to His pure devotees on how much love the have for Him.

Then there is Lord Chaitanya. He was always anxious for Krishna. He chanted Lord Krishna's Holy names with great ectatsy, even fainted when He saw Krishna in the temple. He refused to wake until someone had chanted Krishna's Holy Names. Even as a child He had cried and cried and wouldn't stop until the Gopis had chanted Krishna's Holy Names.

When the Gopis saw Krishna leaving for Mathura they became anxious for Him. They did not want Him to leave. So they tried holding back the chariot, and with tears in their eyes they begged Krishna not to go. And also another time when Krishna had disappeared from them, they all became anxious for Krishna, they couldn't even live without seeing Him personally.

So how to follow their examples is the main question. When will I be able to have those feelings for Krishna? Maybe I am too materially contaminated to have these feelings for Krishna and I feel terrible about that. I hope maybe one day Krishna will allow me to have these special feelings for Him. I know when I visit my family I can't bear being without Krishna. I have to have a picture of Him at least with me at all times. So I guess that is a start. If I am not in a temple, I'd definately feel the separation from Krishna. I went through it for three weeks back in march when I was visiting family. I missed going to Mangal Aarti seeing Krishna every morning. I'll just have to keep that in my head to start having those feelings for Krishna.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Sunday's Program 7/24/11

Sunday's program was very nice. I had enjoyed it. I had spent the morning doing my services in the kitchen, and then took a little rest after lunch. I did some reading and a little chanting while waiting for the evening program. It was pretty quiet for most of the day. I had gone to the 12 noon Aarti to listen to the kirtan and take darshan of my favorite Deities Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. I had felt blissful because Krishna had allowed me to make a Tulasi garland for Him. It was small and it was put onto His flute. He is so merciful to a fallen soul like me. I am only trying to please Him the best I can. I have read that trying to please Krishna isn't easy.



The rest of the afternoon sped by quickly and quietly. Guests started arriving around 5pm. I went upstairs to bring Tulasi downstairs. We do Tulasi puja in the evenings on Sundays. That makes me happy to see that. One of the matajis had asked me to do Tulasi Aarti for the program. I was honored to do that. Normally someone else does Tulasi Aarti on Sunday evenings, but I looked at it as maybe Tulasi wanted me to do puja for Her. Not sure why She chose me because Im no where near qualified to do this service for Her. But nontheless, I felt blissful doing Aarti for Her.

At 6pm there was a very nice kirtan. I had recorded it on audio and video. I went upstairs to the balcony to record the Aarti. I still got a pretty good view. I still need to work on trying to video record without shaking the camera so much. It's hard with a tiny camera. As I went back downstairs after the Aarti, I saw Gunagrahi Swami Maharaj in Prabhupada's room chanting. He saw me and smiled at me from a distance. He remembered me the last time I was here in Januarary. He reminds me of my own guru Maharaj so much. He is my other favorite guru Maharaj other than my own. My face had lit up when I saw Gunagrahi Swami Maharaj.

At 6:45pm, Gunagrahi Swami Maharaj gave a very nice class. I cannot go into details with it as he requested me to wait to post it until later so I will respect his wishes. But his class was nice and he gave a nice bhajan at the end. He played his unique instrument, I think it's called a bellfry. He often carries unique musical instruments I've been told. To me it seems like all guru Maharaj have their little trademark or uniqueness about them. I grew very fond of Gunagrahi Swami since he's been visiting Toronto. After his class I had the opportunity to speak with him for a few minutes. He was very happy to see me back in Toronto. I had asked him if he visits the Los Angeles Temple and he says he does. So now if I do move to the Los Angeles temple, I have something to look forward to. I will never forget the last time Gunagrahi Swami visited Toronto for the first time and he put a flower garland around me. That's how I started to grow very fond of him and a bit attached to him as well even though he isn't my guru. But it was so awesome to see him again. I heard he is coming back to Toronto August 11th. I cannot wait to see him again. After the last aarti I went to offer my obeisances to Gunagrahi Swami Maharaj. He said again he was happy to see me back in Toronto, and he even joked around with me a bit too because I said "please forgive me if I had committed any offenses." And he just joked around with me like my own guru Maharaj does too! Their personalities are so much alike. I love it. I thanked Maharaj for helping me ease the pain of separation from my own guru Maharaj since my guru Maharaj is away for a month on a Youth Bus tour of North America.

And before I went to bed last night, Mother Subhuddhi had a bunch of small Tulasis that she wanted me to bring upstairs to help take care of. Seems like Tulasi always wants me to do some type of service for Her. And I love it. I'm also helping to take care of 8 baby Tulasi plants from the gift shop so that She doesn't wither up and die. I had found her in the gift shop the one day in the windowsill and she was severely wilted so I took Her upstairs and gave Her water and have been taking care of Her since. She is doing extremely well now which makes me very happy to see.

Over all Sunday was very very nice. I hope This coming Sunday's program will be just as nice. I wonder who will be giving class this Sunday. I should check out Toronto's blog site to find out if is posted.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Lord Krishna's Blackish Form


Okay somebody tell me why Im hooked onto Krishna's blackish form? Ever since I came back to Toronto I've just felt like I've been crazy for Krishna in His blackish Deity form. Maybe it's Krishna's way of revealing Himself to me somehow and also just to get me even more attracted to Him. That is what He wants after all is for us to become attracted to Him. Whatever Krishna is doing to me He's doing a good job of it as His form of Sri Sri Radha Ksiracora Gopinatha. As for Maya she can go chase herself up a tree! Leave me alone maya I want to meditate on Krishna in His beautiful blackish form!

Yesterday I was talking on the phone with my close friend and senior disciple of Srila Prabhupada, Mother Sudevi about Krishna's blackish form. We both agree that we like Lord Krishna when He is in His blackish form as a Deity. I believe it is because we can see Lord Krishna's beautiful features so  much more easier in His blackish form than white. I think Lord Krishna really stands out more in His blackish form. I mean what is there NOT to love about Krishna? Yes Krishna is real. He is God Himself. Krishna means "All attractive" and God is all attractive.

This morning during Mangal Aarti I always see a sweet smile on Krishna's Lotus Face. I usually stand very close to the altar and sometimes I forget about myself, just lost in thought about how pretty Krishna is when He is standing right there present before all of us. It makes one feel very fortunate to be in His presence. The one Sunday when the pujaris dressed Lord Krishna, I nearly melted to the floor in a puddle because He looked so beautiful. He was wearing a blue and white outfit which really set off His blackish color! Krishna actaully, made me totally forget about everything that I used to like in the past favorite actors and musicians that day. I was just beside myself just looking at Krishna because after all He is the most beautiful of all.

Some mornings when I get up I feel so tired not wanting to get up, but I just have to force msyelf to so that I can get up and see Lord Krishna in His blackish form. Im tryng to get over sleepiness that I feel a  lot in the morning and I do need some type of energy for it so why not let it be Krishna's blackish form to get me excited in the morning? I wish I could paint really well because if I could I'd paint a beautiful picture of Lord Krishna in His blackish from. I mean i can draw and all that but I'm no where near a professional. Maybe one day Lord Krishna will allow me to paint pictures of Him professionally. That will help me to always rememeber Him too for me.
But whatever He has planned for me I just hope He'll allow me to always be engaged in His service in this life and continual future lives I may take.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

12 Hour Kirtan

This past Friday we had a 12 hour kirtan. It had started at 10am in the morning and went on until 10:30pm. Devotees from all over had started arriving in the morning and more had shown up later in the day. We were all getting ready for Ratha Yatra for the next two days. Everyone was bubbling with excitement.

Maharaj had started off the kirtan. I had recorded it on both audio and video, and took a few pictures of him leading kirtan. I always love listening to him lead kirtan. I love listeniing him more than listening to my old so called favorite bands like the Beatles and all.  He sings so much better than they do! I made a couple dvds for my godbrother and godsister, Ramachandra das and Nitai Priya.

As the day went on I ran into Maha Laxshmi, Bhaktin Kim, Govinda Mohini, and Malati from New Vrndavan. They had arrived for the Festival of India and Ratha Yatra. I sat and chatted with them for a bit, catchng up on what has been happening in New Vrndavan.

Later in the day I went back upstairs to listen to the kirtan. I saw Gunagrahi Swami from a distance. It was great to see him again. He remembered me from the last time he visited. I've liked him when I first saw him. He reminds me of my own guru Maharaj in a way.

Then a prabhu came up to me and asked me to help cut up some cabbage for the feast that we were to have for the next two days. I helped out for a half hour while listening to the kirtan. I then saw bhaktin linda and chatted with her for a bit and I also saw Shanti mataji too. Everyone I knew was there for the 12 hour kirtan. There was a rumor that the harinam was cancelled but at the last minute I had gone outside and found my guru Maharaj ready to go out on harinam I ran back inside to grab my shoes and flew out the door. It was Krishna's mercy that had allowed me to go out on the harinam. Krishna has shown me so much mercy to a fallen soul like me. We went out on the harinam for two hours. I found it interesting as I went along with the harinam. I went with a couple of my godbrothers and godsisters I have met for the first time and then I was observing the people along the streets. People poked their heads out of windows and took pictures of us. Others were just watching or staring at us. And some were actually dancing with us. This one gentleman had joined in on the dancing which I found quite humourous.

Maharaj had really enjoyed the harinam too. I noticed he had funny expressions on his face as we walked along the streets chanting Krishna's Holy Name. He had enjoyed the harinam too observing the people along the streets. When we all got back to the temple we joined for the rest of the 12 hour kirtan. it went on for a half an hour more than it was scheduled. Then Maharaj said to us after it was over "Now go to sleep like good little childeren." But we all wanted more lol. I know I did. It was too bad it wasn't a 24 hour kirtan. I love kirtans. They are fun to be in. I didn't go to bed until 12 midnight.
But it was a fun kirtan.:)