Sri Sri Radha KsiraChor Gopinatha stole my heart away.

I was at the last darshan tonight. Wow. Sri Sri Radha Ksira Chor Gopinatha have completely stolen my heart away. And what's funny is that the word "chor" means steal and Ksira means "sweet rice" So it meas that Krishna likes to steal sweet rice. However in my case Krishna had stolen my heart by being in this Deity form of Radha Ksira Chor Gopinatha. I literally could not take my eyes off of Them tonight. I kept looking at Krishna's Lotus Feet, His Flute, His Eyes, His Smile, just everything. I dont' know if it's because I was initiated in front of Radha Gopinatha or if it's because Maharaj stays in this temple, or what. It could be all of the above.
Srimate Radharani still takes my breath away. She's absolutely gorgeous. I can see why that pleases Krishna so much on how pretty She looks for Him.
Today their outfit was red, yellow, and green. I absolutely LOVED Krishna's turban! And His outfit alone just made Him shine brighter than the sun. Same with Srimate Radharani.

See how beautiful They are? I was totally captured by Krishna's Lotus Face. As I was there watching the Aarti, I nearly had tears in my eyes. I kept thinking that I NEVER want to leave Them again. I cannot bear to be without Them. I just can't. I don't know if I could even survive without Them. I feel so close now with Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha. I think a lot of it does have to do with Maharaj's influence. He wanted me to have more love for Krishna and that's what he said at my initiation. Well I think that is happening now as it is with Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha. After Gopinatha means Lord of the Gopis an that means Krishna attracts the Gopis. So in a way He is attracting me with that name. I love that name "Lord Gopinatha." Sounds so mystical.

So here it is 9:46pm and I am not sleepy. My mind is so absorbed in Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha, just anxious to get ready to greet Them in the morning. I always take photos of Them. And I enjoy doing that so that I can have different wallpapers to put on my desktop.

Whatever Krishna has in store for me in the future I just hope He will allow me to continue serving Him here in Toronto always.

First Day Back in Toronto/Boat Kirtan Cruise!

Well here I am back home back in "Canadahead" as my guru Maharaj put it in one of my emails he sent to me.

I was terrified when I got to the border. I felt my skin turn ice cold with fear. At first during the immigration, the same border officer who refused me the last time was there and remembered me and it didn't seem like they were going to let me through. He read my information from the letters I had and asked me a few questions. Then he said he wanted to hand me over to another border officer for a second opinion. She seemed pretty nice but stern at the same time. She asked me a few questions. Mahavendra Puri and Nitai Priya also helped to answer questions to help me get in. It took them over an hour to get me approved to pass. I was still really scared. But near the end, I felt Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha's presence. They were letting me know it was going to be okay. And then finally the answer came. The lady border officer gave me a letter stating that it is a visa of allowing me to stay for six months. I thought I was going to faint when she said I was allowed to go in.

So then Mahavendra Puri, Nitai Priya and I all piled into the van. Mahavendra Puri called Maharaj on the phone. He talked with him for a little bit and then he handed me the phone. Maharaj wanted to speak to me briefly. Maharaj sounded so happy I made it through. He said to me jokingly "You get on back here!" He must have been so anxious for me to return. But I couldn't help but laugh how he said "You get on back here" it was so funny! Then we got to the temple at 9pm. I saw Maharaj then. And everyone else that I know were very happy to see me back. I had some prasadam and Maharaj sat with us. He asked me how things were in New Vrndavan. I told him I ran into some difficulties. And he said jokingly to me again "You've been there long enough." lol! Im so happy that Maharaj is very pleased that I was able to come back. That's all I want to do is make him happy. :) Because if he's happy then Srila Prabhupada is happy and if he's happy Lord Krishna is happy. :)

The next morning, I was so excited to see Sri Sri Radha Ksira Chor Gopinatha. I got up at 3am despite how tired I was feeling after travelling all day on the bus. I finished my rounds early. I was anxious for them to open the deity doors. I was just DYING to see Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha. Then their doors opened. They were looking even more beautiful then when I last saw Them! They mean so much to me. It was wonderful to see Lord Krishna's beautiful blackish Lotus Face and Lotus Eyes. Srimate Radharani also took my breath away. I loved seeing Her decorated with flowers and jewels, and Her dress was so pretty and sparkly. I felt like I was the happiest devotee on the planet seeing Sri Sri Radha Ksira Chor Gopinatha!

Then we went on a Kirtan Boat Cruise on the Lady Yankee 3 boat. This boat is exactly the same boat in Cleveland only in Cleveland it's called the Good Time 3. I haven't been on a boat like this in quite a few years. It was definately a refreshement and I was able to get some air. It was chilly outside but it was okay. It was interesting to see other boats out there.I took several pictures of boats and there was a small airport near by out on the lake. I took pics of planes taking off as well. Anyway Maharaj led the kirtan first for a full hour. That was pure nectar. I recorded it on video and audio. I also took many pics of the kirtan too. Maharaj rocked the boat as they say with the kirtan. Maharaj's kirtans are always so fabulous and makes me feel like Im at a concert. Then the Gaura Shakti band played for the remander of the trip. It was a four hour boat cruise. I do not get seasick so I was able to enjoy it in the company of devotees that I know. But I had a fabulous time. If you aren't already a friend on my facebook page you can check out the photos I have of the boat cruise there.

Lastly I went to the last darshan at 8pm last night. I stayed for the whole Aarti until they closed the doors. I said a quiet prayer to Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha for allowing me to come back and being so kind and merciful. They full filled my desire in wanting to return to them so very much. I hope to have at least  8 hours of service to Them a day. I have ot talk to Mahavendra Puri about it on Tuesday.

I am anxious to see what this week will bring in New Remuna Dham. :)

Mood of the Gopis

Lately I've been reading this book called Krsnahnika Kaumudi I found in Mother Vanni's store and came to love the stories in it. It's by Srila Kavi-karnapura. It's like an extension or sequel to the Krsna book almost. It describes the different pasttimes of Radha and Krishna and gives the time of day of when each pasttime happened. I found the stories in it fascinating. It's a very thin book but fun to read. I found some of the stories humourous as well. I think I may show this book to Maharaj and see what he thinks about it. I do have some questions to ask him if I see him tomorrow. It says in the Bhagavad Gita to surrender to a guru and to ask him questions about spiritual life and render service unto him. This book I think is starting to help me think of more spiritual questions to ask Maharaj. I never seem to come up with any good questions my mind normally goes blank.

But anyways. As I was reading this book I was finding myself asking these questions about the mood of the Gopis. The mood of the Gopis is so highly elevated it  bewilders me at times and Im stumped. Like I thought of this question. How can one talk about Krishna and nothing else in this material world and develope the mood of the Gopis? It is so easy to get caught up in mundane talk or gossip about nonsense stuff. Im guitly of it I know Im not afraid to admit it. So how to avoid that problem? Maybe my Bhakti Yoga needs to be stronger here in New Vrndavan or something. It's strong in Toronto but not here where I am now yet.  I've got all these questions reeling through my head. That's another thing too. Maya constantly captures us so this why I keep thinking these questions. Im not sure if I have asked my guru these types of questions or not but I am sure he won't mind answering them again he may have a different answer to help me understand. Other devotees may have different answers to these questions, which is why i prefer to ask my guru Maharaj first and see what he says. When he explains something I can understand him easily. He gives very good examples.

Also the Gopis also see Krishna as if They never saw Him before or are meeting Him for  the first time. So how to get myself to also get that same feeling? I remember when I first came to New Vrndavan, being captured by the beautiful form of Lord Krishna in the temple room standing before the devotees in Deity form. I literally was frozen stiff sitting on the floor and couldn't move as I was stunned by Krishna's beauty. I may experience this again when i get to Toronto as I had not seen Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha in a long time...three months and to me that seems like it's been so much longer than three months. And when I saw Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha for the first time in Toronto I felt my heart was stolen away by Them and still is now. So here is another question reeling through my head. Is it allowed to have a favorite set of Deities in a Temple? And why does one feel more captured with their favorite Deity at a different temple than the one they are staying at when all the Deities are non different from Krishna Himself? Maybe that's my trouble. Im having a bit if difficulty realizing that everything is Krishna because maya is still clouding my vision which is annoying. For some reason Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha captured my heart so much more...and I still love Radha Vrndavan Chandra a lot too though at the same time. Maybe my guru Maharaj can help me sort this out.  why I didn't think of these questions while he was here in New Vrndavan is beyond me.

But hopefully I'll learn alot more when Im in Toronto about the Gopis and have more questions for Maharaj about them. I am curious to know so much more about them and their feelings for Krishna. :) Maybe can try to find another book abot the Gopis to help me understand them. :)

Last two days in New Vrndavan

I have two days left in New Vrndavan. I just finished cleaning up my room. I just have to wait to get the key to put my stuff in the storage room in the ashram that way I know it is securely locked up while Im away. I don't want to leave anything behind in my room. The only thing Im leaving behind is blankets as I am not worried about those. Im going to take two regular size suitcases and a duffel bag and a backpack. That carries most of what I have.

I had gotten an email from my guru Maharaj the other day. He asked me how i was doing and he said that he and the other devotees in Toronto are always thinking of me. I was very touched by that email. I always save my guru Maharaj's emails so that I can refer back to it if i have a question about something.

I am hoping to learn the rest of the Lord Nrsimahadeva on the harmonium these last two days in New Vrndavan and then I can practice it in Toronto. I know when I come back in December I can finish taking harmonium lessons and then maybe by the time I go back to Toronto again I'll be almost a pro at it. It'd be nice to lead kirtan sometime. I want to lead kirtan for Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha one day. :) I have to get better at the melodies though. My singing voice is not that great. But I'll give it a try though. That is one thing that is happening, I seem to be opening up more under my guru Maharaj's influence. He's helping me to get out of my shyness, and wanting to do more with kirtans and stuff.

Tomorrow I go into town to pick up my bus tickets. Hopefully they will have them ready and I can pay for an extra piece of luggage at the same time while Im there that way I am all set and don't have to worry about anything and that  things will go smoothly. Although I am worried about this one stop I have to make in Erie PA. I always seem to have problems switching buses there. They usually make me take the bus to Cleveland and then to Pittsburgh which is annoying because it's backtracking. Why can they just add cleveland to the list and that will take care of it is beyond me. The bus line is very bad at having their buses arrive at a certain time when doing a transfer. Airplanes are better with transfers. But we'll see how that goes and how it goes at the border too.

Taking Care of Srimate Radharani

Had some nice realization today with Radharani. She kept me on my toes today thorught out the day and gave me some extra seva to do. Seeing that Srimate Radharani always looks after us, it is our duty to help take care of Her and look after Her too since She helps us.

This morning after the morming program, Bhakta Tom came and found me in the pujari room. I was just about to start cleaning it when he told me that one of the new matajis that had just moved here needed help in the Deity kitchen cooking vegetables. He told me I'd only have to stay for a half an hour. But apparently Srimate Radharani appreciated me being in the kitchen helping the one mataji who was in the kitchen by herself. Another mataji joined us a few minutes later. Srimate Radharani had sent both of us to the Deity kitchen and wanted both of us to help Her serve Krishna. What a very special honor and blessing. Even though I was about to take care of the pujari room, something inside me said  worry about the pujari room later.

So the three of us had enjoyed making prasadam for Krishna. I chopped up cauliflower, spinach, parsely, and pinapple. I helped to make the pineapple nectar for Krishna. I cannot do the actual cooking since I am only first initiated. Only twice born devotees are allowed to cook for Krishna but I can at least help in cutting the vegetables. Then the mataji who was doing the cooking asked me to find a lid. So I did but it was too small. I had a realization after she tried to cover the pot with a lid. I said "That reminds me of a pasttime when Mother Yasoda tried tying Krishna to the wooden mortar, and her rope was always two inches too short, and He let her bind Him after He saw that out of love for Him, He let her do it."  The mataji thanked me later and I said it was no problem and that we are all Srimate Radharani's servants. It's only once in awhile that Srimate Radharani allows me to help in the Deity kitchen. Srimate Radharani is the one in charge of service throughout the whole temple. Im very happy that She wanted me to help.

My guru Maharaj is right. Srimate Radharani is taking care of me, but She is also taking care of other devotees not just me. Im too much of a fallen soul and do not deserve to have Her care for me. But I do feel fortunate to be in Her association by helping to cut up vegetables for Krishna's offering, and cleaning His pujari room etc.

All glories to Srimate Radharani. May She always continue to help care for Krishna's devotees in helping them return to Krishna in this life.

I offer my respecful obeisance unto Srimate Radharani who is so merciful in letting us perform Bhakti Yoga and devotional service for Krishna. I pray that She will help keep me strong and always to remember Krishna. Jaya Srimate Radharani!

Music Lessons!

At the beginning of this week, there has been a program to where devotees can learn how to play musical instruments for Krishna such as the kartals, harmonium, and the mrdanga drum.  I've always wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument, but my mother never allowed me to. She claimed that I never finish what I've started. But she always took guitar lessons, and had her own guitar. So now living in a temple I have a chance to learn how to play a musical instrument and I can learn how to play it for Krishna.

The first instrument we started to learn is the Kartals which are cymbols. There is a certain beat and angle one must do in order to play them. The beat is a one two three beat and you have to play the kartals at a slight angle to get a nice ring to the kartals. You can just bang on them like a toy. But I've got the hang of playing the kartals. I just have to try and practice singing and playing the kartals at the same time as that can be very tricky. But Im getting there.

Then this past Friday we learned a bit how to play the harmionium. That is even harder to play than kartals. I know one tune or melody now on the harmonium. It was a little tricky first but once you get the feel of it it's easy. You have to hit the key at a certain time otherwise you'll sound completely off key while you play the harmonium. It will take some time to learn.

Im sure the next instrument we'll learn on Monday is the mrdanga drum. Out of all the instruments I think the harmonium is the most difficult to play. But I think once I get practice in i'll be good with it. I know this will make my guru Maharaj very very pleased and then maybe I can really lead mangal aarti or the other Aartis with playing an instrument.

A Vaisnavi (Women's) Retreat To The Wilds

Just a few days ago, Malati, a senior Prabhupada disciple offered to take all the women on a special get away retreat. She hadn't told anyone what we were doing or where we were going until the day we went. We went on Wednesday for our outing and the weather was perfect for it.

It was a long two hour drive up to Ohio where we were going. Many of the women I was with were all acting like really young teenagers very excited about where we were headed. I was quiet for most of the trip. Mandakini also tagged along. She sat next to me in the van. On the way there everyone tried to guess where we were going. Then about and hour later Harinam mataji said "You just missed your first clue to where we are going. Pay attention to the signs on the road." So the matajis in the back kept their eyes out for the signs. It wasn't until we were about there that we guessed it. It was a zoo park called The The Wilds. It is located in Cumberland Ohio. It is very much like an African Safari like zoo.

The park has a lot of land. And it really did look like Africa almost only with hills. Africa doesn't have many hills as the land is mostly flat. But as we went in after we paid for our tickets for an open window bus which cost $30.00, we sat and watched a brief video about the zoo park. They had plenty to do there and things for kids to do and teenagers like camps and things. People could also stay over night if they wanted to. They also have pick up trucks that drive out into the fields and lets you get up close to the animals in the park that are in the distance.

The carnivor animals however are behind fences of course to keep visitors safe. The park had Rhinoceres, Zebras, Donkeys, Giraffes, endagered Deer,Cheetas, and Wild African Dogs etc. What I liked the most of course were the Cheetahs. They have such cute faces. And they too are endangered, as is most wild life on the planet. As I was watching the Cheetahs, the one Cheetah cub who was so cute was looking directly at me. And then as I was walking away three more Cheetahs including the cub who was looking at me, had all kept their eyes on me turning their heads slowly at me as I was walking away. I thought that was interesting. Maybe they sensed I love cats or something. But that little Cheetah cub was absolutely adorable. I love wild cats. Even when I was young I've always loved cats, and when I went to the zoo I always wanted to see the Big Wild Cats and nothing else.

Then after our nice trip around the zoo park, we went to have prasadam. We had lasgna, potato salad, bread sticks, pickles, and cupcakes. But we had a lot of fun. And all thanks to Malati for taking us out on a brief trip. It is said that sometimes even devotees need a brief break away from the temple for a day or two so as not to feel too isolated. But it was a very fun day for all of us.

Thank you again Malati for taking us out on a wild trip.

Hare Krishna.